I dont know wht to do. i moved to MA for him.We have lived together for 1.5 years now. he is very selfish, and all this friends are telling me tht. they say he takes it for granted that i am nice to him. i cook 5/7 days for him, i make him breakfast. i do the dishes 8/10 times, i give him long massages 5 times a week. i try my best to please him, even in bed..i am or i thought i was a confident, smart yng lady. always speak my mind and truth, and have lived an abusive childhood, and i do admit i have trust issues with men. but he is always sayin that i nag him, and always use my past as an excuse. he always tells me he wants someone submissive, but i have nvr been submissive. i do wht i do for him cos i love him. when he gets drunk he gets loud and violent. he drunk drives, n we have had fights on the road - cos i want him to stop driving. (i dont know how to drive or else i wud). i have tried breaking up with him many times, didnt work. cos i didnt want to leave, and hes stopped me.
2007-01-25 14:47:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
OK, so you moved to another state for him, you let him take you for granted, you cook, & clean for him, go out of your way to please him in, & out of bed, ride in a car with him while he drives drunk, you break up but then you go back (apparently against your will) & you say you AREN'T SUBMISSIVE?!
If that isn't submissive then you must have a new definition for it 'cause I'm saying that YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE.
Now why is that important since the problem that you have is that HE'S SELFISH?
Well it's important because you won't be able to change him. He's going to stay exactly the way he is now, for as long as it suits him because YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER HIM.
The only person you have any control over IS YOU.
So if you need a change then the best place to start is the way you submit to his every whim.
I know you said that he complains that you nag him, & that he wishes that you were even more submissive. But that's because no matter what you do, you will never satisfy him. For every new inch you give him, he will drive you for more, more, more.
So break the cycle now. Instead of bending over backwards fullfilling his needs, start telling him what your needs are.
I am sure you ARE A SMART YOUNG LADY. I have highlighted where I think you have been subconciously submissive based on your own facts as you presented them. So I will leave it up to you to figure out how you want to change it, if you are ready.
2007-01-25 15:32:06 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where did you move from? Move back.
He's--
ABUSIVE- wanting you to be something that you're not- submissive.
SELFISH- not appreciating all you do for him.
HOMICIDAL- driving drunk, and not willing to pull off the road.
MANIPULATIVE- claims that you're using your past as an excuse.
LAZY- where's your long massages 5/weekly?? or is he helping you with dishes?
If he wants a submissive girlfriend to pamper him and wait on him, hand and foot... and that's not you, then he's got the wrong girl. Both of you would be happier with someone else!
Sit him down some time (When he's NOT drunk). Make sure he's in a good mood, not tired, hungry etc. Tell him how you feel- that you love him dearly, but you want to be able to be yourself, and trying to be what he wants is not working for you. "We both deserve to be happy, and I feel that while I'm trying to make you happy, I'm not really succeeding, because you're asking me to be something I'm not. If you really want this to work, we both need to be willing to compromise, give a little.
One more thing...
Do you work? (have your own income?) Ask around, see if there's anyone who will help you learn to drive and get your license.
2007-01-25 15:41:47 · answer #2 · answered by Yoda's Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask "?" you have the appropriate for a answer whilst your heart is broken. See what made him pull back from committing ,and likewise ask your self is this what you like. Do you think of you wanna see different individuals? shifting in with somebody is a huge step and for 2 years is a protracted time so do no longer purely enable it pass. artwork on y'all issues one by ability of a million . He could say all y'all do his sit down abode than start up planing issues like going out to consume than movie. If hes an out door type of guy and y'all are attempting to make funds final pass do the main inexpensive concern that's fishing and or tenting that's extremely relaxing y'all could purely want a holiday purely the two one in all you no cellular telephones yet prepare for the worst is you call on the hire are you able to arise with the money for it by ability of your self could you wanna stay there in spite of each and every thing that became y'all abode See if a million of your g/f wanna roommate who needs to pass back abode to the dad and mom top.
2016-11-01 07:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then why are you asking for anyone's advice on answers.
If you are not willing to leave than there's very little advice that any of us can give you.
I'm 'sure' councelling is out of the question with you two, although you 'both' need it.
All I will say is this; 'If you don't leave one of you may not see next year!!
Drunk drivers kill!! And they 'ALWAYS' kill
innocent people!!
And 'if' you do all these things you say you do for him, then you're as crazy as he is by treating him like some kinda 'God'!!
He's a moron!!
2007-01-25 15:32:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean stopped you from leaving?? What happened to rights?? If he physically tries to stop you, simply go to the police and tell them your situation and they will be happy to send someone to escort you out of his residence. He takes you for granted, what kinda man lacks humility to appreciate all you do for him, he treats you like slave coz you let him, put an end to that. Move out now, when he has no-one to do chores for him, he will see your value. I think you moved in too early with him 6 months dating ha?? coz you say you been togther 2years and lived 1.5years together, you rushed and you can reverse the situation by moving out. Those types of people dont change coz thats who they are
2007-01-25 18:49:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave before you end up having kids with him. He will not change. It will be difficult for you initially, but a better man will come along and heal your heart. Besides, you need to be confident yourself, to land a confident man.
2007-01-25 15:12:56 · answer #6 · answered by skagen.2006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to suck it up and leave him. If the relationship doesn't come easy and there are behavior patterns you aren't happy with, they won't change and you need to move on.
Americans are too afraid to breakup because it might urt for a few weeks. They need suck it up and move on.
2007-01-25 15:09:36 · answer #7 · answered by Brad S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i only read about half of what you said and it reminded me of a book that i read once which i will recommend to you its called "Why Men Love Bitches" ..READ IT, it will change your whole perspective....
2007-01-25 15:08:37 · answer #8 · answered by gemstone2421 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes probly gay
2007-01-25 15:05:43 · answer #9 · answered by Zero 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋