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Our little man is very stubborn.
Spanking won't work...he still wears a diaper.
Time outs and ignoring his attitude just make him throw a bigger tantrum.
Advice?

P.S.
If you are not a parent and just want to chime in with a sarcastic snippet...please DON'T.

2007-01-25 14:04:05 · 17 answers · asked by ? 6 in Pregnancy & Parenting Toddler & Preschooler

17 answers

There is NOTHING worse than a 3 year old.

Being that you can't find a way of discipline that works...think the other way. Reward him for good behavior.

Get a chart and some stickers. Have some rewards if he fills it up (go to grandmas, get a toy at the dollar store, go to a movie).

At any rate, I did have a stubborn 3 year old who turned into a little bit better 4 year old and now is a wonderful 5 year old. It gets better (well, it can't get worse, right).

2007-01-25 14:21:48 · answer #1 · answered by Miranda M 3 · 5 0

okay. I am a parent 2 girls 2 and 4.
the 4 will be 5 in little more than a month.
Find thier weakness everbody has one. If its a toy, visiting a pal,dinner out. remove it as a consequence and stick to your guns. be consistant. It is just now starting to take seriously with the 4 year old.
Then find some stress relief for yourself.
whatever makes you feel good as soon as you can get a sitter for even half an hour. You do not even need to leave the house. close your bedroom door and turn up the music. Ignore the complaints. as long as your child is being watched by a responsible adult at this time you are doing what is best for both of you.
good luck and hang in there.

2007-01-25 14:26:16 · answer #2 · answered by andreamarie 2 · 1 0

I know how hard the age of three can be!! Our little guy will be four soon so I can relate. First thing I would say it be consisten in the form of punishment you use. You mentioned all of the things that don't work which means you are using a few different methods. I understand this so I'm not saying that to knock you but definitley stick with one thing and after being consistent with it he'll get the point. What works for us is taking away privliges by grounding him. When he's bad we ground him from the computer or movies or something he really loves. What he gets grounded from varies but it's still the same punishment in that he looses something he loves. And the others are right in saying to praise his good behavior and reward it because that will reinforce that good behavior gets better rewards. We don't spank and it works for us. Also I am very big on letting him express himself and we discuss his feelings. Like when he does cry and is mad I tell him it's okay to have those feelings but lets talk about them and see why he's feeling that way. I find that to work very well to because then they feel like you are listening and not dismissing the way the feel. Because their feelings are very real to them especially at that age.

As far as the potty training don't beat yourself up over the fact that he's still in a diaper. Our son was a little over three when we finally got him potty trained. What I did was stay home for the whole entire day and leave him in underwear. The first day he'd pee in them and then change. So my Mom told me to lay out 5 pair of underwear for him, show them to him and tell him once they're gone he's back in a diaper which he hated b/c he wanted to be a big boy. We stayed home another day and limiting his underwear helped and he was potty trained within that week. Accidents still happened for a little while but rarely. It will happen and don't worry about all of the people who get on your case about when your child should be potty trained. Every kid is different. Like my friend asked me when I was worried about it.. "Have you ever seen a kindergardner in pull ups?" Lol, no because eventually they will get potty trained.

You may want to work on one thing at a time though, correct the behavior issue and then the potty training or visa versa. You don't want to overwhelm him.

Good luck to you and just know that it will change, three is a very hard age. Forget terrible two's it's terrible three's. Do what works for you and don't let anyone influence you to discipline in ways that make you feel uncomfortable. =)

2007-01-25 15:15:32 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 2 · 0 0

I had the same problem with my daughter (who is also three).

I haven't spanked her in a while now because it's not something I really like to do. I occasionally will give one swat on the bottom, but I can't remember the last time I did that.

I've also been trying not to yell lately because I grew up in a household with a lot of yelling and I don't like yelling a whole lot (though I'm really good at it).

Ignoring would create a bigger tantrum if he's using his behavior to get attention from you. Some children will do anything to get attention, even negative things.

I do use time-outs with my daughter. She has a little white chair, and we tell her to go sit there if she's being naughty. If she refuses, I firmly carry her there. If she gets up, I calmly set her back down in there, no matter how many times it takes. That sometimes works, but not always.

Communication is important too. We talk about what is naughty behavior and what is not. We discuss the fact that she doesn't like it when Mommy yells, spanks or does time out. We also discuss that Mommy doesn't yell, spank or give time out when she's a good girl.

Lately, she's been getting out of bed at night (about 6 times Sunday). So for each time she gets out of bed I take away something that she likes:

1 No stuffed animal the next night for bed (she's not had a stuffed animal for bed yet this week, but I'm happy to say she will get one tomorrow).
2 No cookies or candy the next day (hasn't had any in 2 days)
3 Take away the first bedtime story
4 Take away the second bedtime story (my husband and I each read one).

If she refuses to clean up her toys, I take away the toys that she won't clean up. The next day (toward the end of the day) I give her the chance to retrieve her toys and put them away.

So with your son, you just need to figure out what he values, what is important to him. If he realizes that his behavior means he won't get those things, he should come around and start behaving. If he doesn't, you might want to seek professional help.

2007-01-25 14:47:13 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea F 3 · 0 0

Hi I know what you are going through. I am raising my granddaughter who will be 4 soon. 3 was a tough age for her. They are so independent at that age and think they should do it all themselves. I am not very big into spankings and the few that she did receive just made things worse and made me feel terrible. I finally hit on something that seems to work for us. When she is good and listens and does what she is suppose to i heap on the praise and tell her how good she is behaving. When she starts to have a tantrum or does things she knows she is not to do, I tell her in a very stern voice that she has until I count to three to stop the behavior or do what I am telling her to do. If she does not correct herself then she does get a time out on a chair in the corner. I set a timer and tell her to stay there until she hears the timer and then she can get up. She hates being in the time out chair so this has actually worked so far. I can tell you that she is better now than she was when she first turned three. Part of this is just that they are starting to see that they can do more things and are starting to develope their personalities. You have to be firm and follow through with what you say you are going to do. If he has a favorite toy or activity restrict him from it for a set time period. One thing to remember also is that kids this age have a short attention span, so you cannot do 15-20 minute time out or an hour in their room with no toy. I set the timer for no more that 5 minutes when she has a time out. If she misbehaves again then she gets another time out. It is hard work but just try to be firm and follow through with what you have decided to do. Do not wavier once they see that they can get you to re-think your plan you are doomed. Good luck.

2007-01-25 14:36:17 · answer #5 · answered by Debra C 1 · 0 0

Actually I'm dealing with this issue with a 2 year old grand son. I care for him during the day while mom is at work. i tell him 2 or 3 times, if he is getting into something he is not supposed to, like the garbage ( for some reason his favorite), I slap his hand and tell hi no again. in the event he continues, or decides to throw a fit I put him in bed when he quits crying he comes out and we have a huggy time, (he does not come out until he stops the fit, if he does I tell him to go back, and he does. Of course this didn't happen over night I had to be consistent with my process. My daughter does nothing but tells him no slaps his hands lets him throw a fit (which he does all afternoon and evening for her). Big difference in his behavior between mom and me. Good luck.

2007-01-25 14:30:19 · answer #6 · answered by Jazzy 1 · 2 0

Well let me start by saying this I know where your coming from and I know what you mean about your son not listening by any form of punishment. My daughter had the same problem with her 4yr old son. He has been terrible since he was 2yrs old so I can understand your situation perfectly. My daughter disciplines him by rewarding him when he listens and isa good boy and when he doesn't listen she usually takes away the things he likes to play with the most. In my grandsons case its the gameboy and his Ben10 toys that light up his life so that is usually what his punishment is he can not play with his thinggs for a few hours until he settles down and has time to think about what he has done. My daughter also tells him that she is going to find herself another little boy who listens and knows how to behave because he doesn't that always gets him. I am not implying that you should do the same but you might want to try it and you might see some improvement in his behavior because I see it helps my daughter out with my grandson. If that doesn't work ask your doctor about it and he might be able to assist you with a better answer then mine. Best of luck with your son take care and god bless you and your family.

2007-01-25 15:06:01 · answer #7 · answered by a.vasquez7413@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0 0

As a teacher, I have found that with stubborn children who have been subject to spanking sometimes act out even worse when they get to the classroom, so I would recommend that as an absolute last resort in a circumstance when the child is putting himself in danger. As a teacher of K-5, I interact with 1,000 students each week, and have found that most of the time children react better to:

1. soft, soothing voices (which are difficult if you are frustrated, but works if you get yourself centered),

2. choices between two choices that you find acceptable.

3. Giving very little attention to negative choices but lots of positive attention to positive choices.

4. Visual aids: A sign marking a "Time Out" area, a reward chart with smiley face stickers for when he makes positive choices, stickers, etc. Visit a teacher's store for positive reinforcement books and aids.

Children at this age are testing boundaries and seeking attention in any way possible, whether it be positive or negative. You are the adult in the situation, so, no matter how frustrated you are, please try to keep a positive, firm attitude with your child so he knows his boundaries.

Good luck!!

2007-01-25 14:24:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lilly Jones-Fair 3 · 2 1

Our 3-year-old daughter gets timeouts on our steps. We set the timer, and we don't talk to or look at her or anything until the timer goes off. If she pitches a big fit or gets off the step or otherwise pushes our buttons, we don't say anything except, "I'm resetting the timer." And then we do.

We just ignore the bad stuff as much as possible, and make sure that pitching a fit doesn't get her what she wants.

And now she's pretty well behaved. Just the reminder of the naughty step is enough to get her to toe the line most times...

2007-01-25 14:22:44 · answer #9 · answered by Yarro Pilz 6 · 3 0

Let him throw a bigger fit, then after he is done continue with the punishment. Even if it takes all day. Are you trying to potty train? If so and he still wont go, I know its gross and it may sound mean but get him some big boy underwear and if he deliberately makes a mess in his pants, make him clean himself up. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. I have three kids and two out of them were very stubborn. My 6 yr old still is.

2007-01-25 14:21:13 · answer #10 · answered by themom95 3 · 2 1

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