What would you do? My mom was my best friend...?

Question

4 years ago...within a matter of 3 months i watched her go from a healthy happy lady,to her death bed. It was a slow painful end to a shining life. My dad had a midlife crisis,as one might expect....he took off for a couple of years then found enough peace to come back home. He was back a little over a yea...rebuilding his life then on a friday afternoon 6 months ago, he was killed in a freak accident. I was still or am still reeling from my mothers death,I can not even begin to cope with this loss!! I feel like an orphan? Is that riduculs??I know I was lucky to have them till i was grown, but she was only 43. I just cant get past losing her...or them...its starting to effect everything I do. inbetween their deaths...I lost my sweet lil grandmother as well...shewas the only one i could count on after my mom died.I have a little brothr...hes now 22..hes been in Iraq for 18 months with no idea when he will be back. how do i get past all the loss and pain??I want to feel "normal" again!

Answer 1

First off sorry for all the losses you have.
When it comes to death nothing is ridiculous.
It might not seem like it now but there will come a time when you don't hurt so much. Ask somebody in the church of your choice is there is a group you can get into that has others in it that are in the same boat as you

Answer 2

Oh sweetheart,you have been through hell haven,t you? To lose almost your whole family in such a short time.I cannot even imagine what you are going through,I lost my Mom ,but its like your whole world has come tumbling down around you..I can only say that I am so sorry,and somehow try to say something that might be of some help to you...As much as you have went through you have every reason to feel this pain,but you know that you will have to somehow get through all of these tragities.You will have to go through a grieving and it might help if you could get into a support group so that you can gain some strength thro others that have faced a loss....When your brother gets home you and him can help each other...i am sure that he is having some problems also but it always seems its harder for girls somehow...Just remember that as time goes on you will get better...I do hope you have some friends you can talk with ,if not maybe you could find someone you can trust to talk with..You will be able to feel normal again,but it may take a while,just try to hold it togeather by knowing that it will get better...I wish you the very best of luck,and you just hang in there....and time is what you need

Answer 3

I have a little understanding of what you are saying although i only loss one member of my family which was my mum last year very suddenly to cancer it totally turned my world up side down i have a brother and sister who i am very close to but both live else where close, but my boyfriend is in the army so we don't actually live together i use to live with my mum and now live in our house alone which has been really hard for me. my father and i don't really have a close relationship he has another family to think of now. i know what you mean by normal nothing seems the same, it has only been the last couple of months that things are coming together i have had some council-ling which has helped maybe that could be an option other than that time is a healer try to think of all the good things about the people you have lost, i also think about other people that ain't as lucky as me my mum was 53 and I'm 25 that is more time than others may share x Good luck hope it all works out for you x

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your losses. Grief is a very individual thing. No one can tell you what is right or wrong or how long to grieve. But sometimes it helps to talk to someone. Try to find a grief support group. Time does help. If you are finding trouble coping, get counseling. Counselors can help alot. Talk to a minister or counselor. Try to keep busy and active. Take mini breaks for yourself - even a bubble bath. Don't try to keep this bottled up, let it out. I lost both my parents too. I do understand the orphan analogy, it is not unusual. I think of them every day.
You have a lot on your plate. Your loss and pain are real. It's OK to reach out to counseling.

Be well and take time for you. Remember your relatives, they will always be with you in your heart.

Answer 5

You really have had a bad four years. I hope you have a good friend that listens to you and supports your emotions. The grieving process is hard enough when it is just one person lost but three...and your brother being in Iraq...too much for one young lady. My mom was my best friend and I took care of her the last agonizing three months of her life. I miss her terribly but she was 80, not 43. My dad died when he was 47 so I do understand some of your pain. There are grief support groups and I think you should find one to attend. You will get past it all but you will never forget them. Try to keep busy...join the support group, maybe join a gym to help release the stress you are feeling, call your friends and explain what you are going through..perhaps have a pj party with your gal pals. Usually being with them can help a lot. Hang in there...it will get easier with time.

Answer 6

You don't have to go thru all this by yourself. I suggest
Grief counseling. Go to any large hospital around you and
ask to see a Social Worker or just ask about Grief Counseling meetings. You may find some older people there because its usually the older people that die, but they are grieving just like you, and they have a lot of life knowledge.
You can go to a church, but it's been my experience (and I'm
a Christian) that these people are not educated in the art
of grief counseling--they tend to do more preaching than
listening. If your funds are low--Get a mental health clinic
appt. They can refer you to a good group. If these losses
are beginning to affect your daily life--you need to look at
it from a different perspective. You've had some hard
blows--it will take time.

Answer 7

Grieving is a natural part of life, you seem to have a handle on everything and can talk about it so, in that regard, you are okay. I am not over religious and do strongly believe in prayer. Also meditation helps as well as sitting in a quite room and have conversations with your family members that have gone on, sometimes those familiar voices in our head can be soothing. You have my deepest heartfelt sympathy for your loses, but just know that this will make you stronger as an individual and that your loved ones are as close as a memory, don't forget to remember, it helps also. You and your brother will be okay and might even be closer than ever. God Bless.

Answer 8

Oh Baby, you do have it tough. I'm so sorry for your losses. You should check into some grief counseling. I'm shocked your brother has been there for so long. I thought they only did 1 year tours. Hopefully he'll be home soon, but you can't unload on him as much as you may think you can. He's gone through an extremely difficult experience, one that you just can't imagine. Don't make him the only one you lean on. I know it sounds very cliche, but time will heal things. Not as fast as we like, but it will. This may be a new direction for you to look into. Grief counseling. With what you've gone through, I bet you would be good at it. Good luck, love. God be with you.

Answer 9

This is a tough question. I know you were venting and needed to get all this out of your mind so here is something for you to think about.
A New Plan Is Due

by

Jackie Edwards



A new plan is what we need when the old one seems wore out.

So here it is, but just a stencil

That we can add anything God wishes us to add.



I plan on starting each day with

"Hello God, take the wheel as I start out my day

Drive me in the direction I need to go".

I may not spend hours each day on my knees,

But when I need to I know He will be there beside me listening.



I plan on saying "Thank you" more for the things God does for me.

Like, when I slow down not knowing why

Just before I see that cop on the side of the road.

Or when I can not find my keys

And there is a wreck just a head that I would have been in.

Or when I start out early and there is someone I see in need

And have the time to stop.



I plan on listening more to my inter being

And not just plowing ahead.



I plan on helping when I am needed and not duck out.

I plan on saying "OK" more and "But I do not know how" less.

I plan on remembering God is a teacher, he will show me how to do things he tells me to do.



I plan on saying I love you, not because I do not know if it will be the last time,

But, because I really do.

Answer 10

Go to counseling. It will help more than you know. You have lost so much. I don't think you really ever get over losing someone, but with talking you learn to move on. You will never be the person you were before they passed, but will live a much fuller life knowing everyday could be your last. How do you want your family to remember you?