Should my friend forgive her ex & go back out with him?

Question

He cheated on her & slept with her underaged sister, & he's begging for forgiveness. She's puzzled. One part of her heart is telling her to take him back & the other part is telling her not to. He said that he promises to get his life back on track & get right with God. Would it be a stupid or wrong decision if she decided to give this man a 2nd chance?

Answer 1

Get cheated on? This is for your friend.

Steps
1.Determine whether you were actually cheated on. Ask yourself these questions: Were you officially boyfriend and girlfriend at the time this "cheating" occurred? Were you officially monogamous? If not, you cannot be sure that your significant other knew what he or she was doing would offend you, in which case you need to forget the incident or move on to someone else if you can't get over it.
2.Find out what actually happened, and talk to your partner about it. Was he or she coerced? And was he or she under the influence of drugs or alcohol? If the first two are the case, you may not want to consider it cheating. If it is the third, your partner may have substance problems to address, and you may need to take a break in the relationship. Generally, if someone cheats on you while under the influence of marijuana or alcohol, and they weren't completely unconscious, they had some desire (hidden or not) to cheat on you.
3.Ask yourself if you will ever be able to look at your partner the same way. Infidelity doesn't mean much for some, and some people have more than one physical relationship and it doesn't suggest a shortcoming in their relationship with their steady partner, but this is rare. Infidelity often indicates boredom and dissatisfaction with the present relationships. Dealing with a partner who doesn't want you in the first place, or one who doesn't mind hurting you, is ridiculous. Dump him/her if this is the case.
4.Don't break up with your partner and later take him back. This will only give you more emotional stress. If you break up, make it a clean break.
5.Don't talk to your ex after breaking up with him immediately. Give yourself a few months of cooling off time first. You are not obligated to worry about him once you break up; you are not even obligated in any way to ever speak with him again.
Tips
•Get out if the incident has hurt you too much.
Warnings
•Don't get revenge by cheating yourself; if this idea tempts you, you probably need to break up with the person anyway.

Answer 2

absolutely not no matter what he says the guy is a schmuck and do bring him back into her life would be asking to be hurt again. to add insult to injury he cheated on her with family that was underage so he has caused strain on her relationship with her sister. tell her to do herself a favor wait about 3 months take some time for herself and really think about it. if she still wants to get back together with him start to just talk with him and see how it goes from there. odds are after the time for herself she will see he isn't worth the skin he was printed on. also if he means all the crap he is saying he will really try for those 3 months to make amends and do right by the situation. Likely he will just find some middle school to haunt and forget about her within the first month cause he sounds like a real pig.

Answer 3

I have given old boyfriends second chances and they cheated again. That is up to your friend. That is something that would be hard to do, especially since he went with her sister and with someone who was under age. It would be hard to date someone a second time and know every time they were together and around the sister that they did the same things. Would she ever be able to fully trust him again? There has to be full honest communication and trust with every relationship. Without the honesty and the open communication and trust, there is no relationship. It is fine if he wants to get right with God on his own terms. He should ask for forgiveness.

I would personally count my blessings that I had what I had and move on. She can forgive him so she doesn't harbor any resentment towards him, but she doesn't have to date him or give him a second chance.

Answer 4

If I was her, I wouldn't let him back that quick. I would have to date him and see how much he actually has changed. It would be good for her to see the changes and for him to "get right with God" before going back with him and getting her heart broken again. People will say to give him another chance. However, due to the fact that he slept with her underaged sister tells me that he really did not respect her or care for her in the first place as much for him to have done that to her. So, if I were her, I would be patient and see what changes he is making if any. If not, then she knows she made the right decision not to go back with him. If he honestly did change, then she would know that the right decision and the trust would be there to accept him back into her life and to try again. People make mistakes and people say they are sorry. However, actions speak louder than words. Good luck to her.

Answer 5

Let him get his life back on track and good with God, first! Then, if she believes that HE HAS DONE THAT, forgive him if she really feels that she can. But don't give him a second chance at a relationship until he's proven that he's totally changed. To give him a second chance before that would be a wrong decision, IMO, because then he wouldn't need to change, and your friend will probably be right back where she started.

Answer 6

Sometimes you can forgive your mate for a cheating...mistakes sometimes happen. BUT...the underage sister (or any sister) is a reason not too. He will be around her and the friend will never be able to trust him around her. I understand that she wants to take him back..cause of her feelings (been there too) but sometimes you just need to forget about him and find a good man that won't cheat on her....specially with some one in her family.

Answer 7

Christians must forgive anyone who asks. However, it is not wise to trust a person who has already cheated...and with her underage sister no less. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. I would look elsewhere for a boyfriend. No matter how forgiven he was, if she took him back, she would never be able to get past thinking of him sleeping with her little sister. That's a deal breaker. I hope he does get right with God but he needs to look elsewhere for a new girlfriend and she needs to set him free so he can..

Answer 8

First of all, her ex was very stupid, sleeping with her sister? That's wrong, and it must of broken your friend's heart! You might not like my answer, but it's problaby the best thing to do, after my experiences.
Men don't learn, no matter how much they say they will change. They will say it, and then when she is back with him, he'll break more hearts, including other women than her. This guy is a player, let him be. He rather have MANY women then one single woman. Let her find another man, because he's a waste.

Answer 9

This is a "no brainer". For God's sake, he slept with her underaged sister which is likely a crime. There lots of things a guy can do and beg forgiveness. But sleeping with her underaged sister shows a total lack of character and judgement. And trust me on this, "cheaters always cheat".

Answer 10

NEVER!! Cheating is one thing, with a sister is another thing, and a YOUNGER ONE is the last strike out. Just like he should be. Sure, he may be begging forgiveness, taking him back will be a mistake, because taking what he did back is never. Thats the truth of it. Seems to me she has a very kind heart, kind enough to take him back even after what he's done...but that doesn't mean to take him back is right, it means she deserves better. Some one who deserves someone as kind as that.