Why doesnt my 3 year old listen??????

Question

My 3 year old daughter does not like to listen to directions. I just started her in preschool and when everyone else is sitting in a circle or paying attention to the teacher, my daughter wants to run all over the place and not listen when she is told to go sit down and then throws a fit when we make her. She hardly will listen at home, on occasion she does, but not all the time. She is like this wherever i go, i constantly have to hold her hand or she will take off and not listen when i call her name. I get really frustrated, especially when we are in public but dont want to scold her in front of others. Why doesnt she listen? what can i do to get her to listen and behave?

Answer 1

Terrible two's are a joke, it's really the terrible three's. I feel your pain. My boy is just about to turn three and is constantly testing my limits. I also have twins that were three not too long ago and trust me they will outgrow it as long as you are consistent with discipline and punishments. The first step is to realize there is a difference between the two. Discipline is teaching a child how to behave - setting limits. You should tell her ahead of time how you expect her to behave, what the consequences will be if she does not behave, and what rewards will be if she does - even if it is just a hug and kiss and parade around Daddy of how good she was today. I have this speech - rules, punishments, and rewards - before every trip to the store and every day before school. The most effective part of discipline is sticking to it regardless if you are in public or not. If it really bothers you to do it in front of others, take her to the bathroom. Punishment is what you do if she disobeys. Many parents get these two confused and only resort to the punishment part of it, but punishment is not discipline, it is a part of it, but in and of itself, doesn't work very well. I won't tell you how to punish your child because every child is different and every parent is different. Find something that works with your child and something that you can stick to. I am not against spanking but I know it is something that I can't stick to consistently to make it work for me so I typically use timeout and taking away privleges. I give them 1...2... 3 and that was their chance. If they don't mind they get in trouble...no second chance and they know it. Consistency is key. Good luck!

Answer 2

My daughter was the same! My first question is..Is she very hyper to start with? If she is, stay away from giving her any sugar at all. You need to put rules down right now to make her understand why she can't have something she wants. When you need her to sit and listen but she wants to play..you explain in a serious voice that First we need to sit and listen and after that done we can do another activeatiy,She might need to know whats happening next IF she follows the rules. You need to tell her what will happen if she does not listen. She is old enough to know and understand. In public...She is aware of others watching her! She will do what she wants to BUT when you warn her that you will take her home if she does not listen...Do IT!! If your eating at a resterant and she is acting up..pay the bill and leave! Leave her hungry and explain why! In a store shopping...leave your cart where it is and pick her up and leave. If she can't be good and listen she will not get the rewards. If she is good and stays by you and holds your hand...on the way home you can get her an ice cream for being so good. Always give a reason why and an reason why she is not getting what she wants. NEVER give in to a tantrum..Crying will not hurt her (It might drive you nuts) but..in the long run..she will understand she is not getting her way so she will stop. My daughter is 4 and will throw herself on the floor crying and flooping around like a fish..I ignore her..I refuse to look at her,and act like I don't hear her. She stops and walks to me and wants a hug as she is finally crying and not screaming. Then I can talk to her and she will listen. I will not hug her or give her any attention until she stops the tantrum and listens.

Answer 3

There are lots of three year olds out there like this.

And don't listen to all the people who will make you feel like you've already failed as a parent and spoiled your little girl.

A kid like this, though, does need simple, clear rules and consistent loving discipline. Decide on a punishment that works for you, like a time-out, and make sure you use it, consistently, as soon as your child starts acting up. Don't give her a second chance. Don't spend any time talking about it. She misbehaves, she goes straight to time out. Even if you're in a store, or at preschool, or on the bus, or whatever. Time out. Put her with her back to you in a shopping cart, or in a corner, or alone on the steps, or whatever it takes.

At first, you'll feel like she spends more time in time out than she does anywhere else. And you'll hate having to enforce it, not least because it will make it tough to get anything done. But eventually it will sink in that you mean what you say and that there are consequences to not paying attention.

Answer 4

When my sort of god son was three years old, he didn't listen either. In fact, that hasn't changed much. He's almost eight. She's trying to win her way by saying "no" to you and other authority figures through her ignorance of demands. I think the main thing is to stay the course with a consistent discipline. Give her an anticipatory warning like a count of three. Make her do her time-outs if she needs one but not for more than three minutes. If she gets up from her time-out spot. Drag her right back and tell her that she is in time-out for not listening. Also, have her ears checked. She can't listen if she does not hear well.

Answer 5

my daughter is very energetic and its really hard to get her to sit still, so we thought that would be a big issue when she started pre-school. but as the days go she's getting better and better at listening to the teachers and sitting with the group. how long has your daughter been going? she may need a little time to adjust and are you there everyday? it may help if you weren't for a while so she gets used to listening to other adults. as for the store my daughter is the same way as yours there too..lol we put her in the cart when we get there...even with the fits she throws than later we tell her if she stays by the cart she can walk. if at anytime she starts not listening or going to far away, she gets put back in the cart..and yeah she throws one heck of a fit, and people stare but i don't care....either people get mad because you discipline the child or they get mad cause you don't discipline and the kid throws a fit. so just do what works for you and your daughter...i'm sure as she gets older she'll get better and when she's used to the routine at school she'll do a lot better...good luck.

Answer 6

My daughter was and still a little bit is the same way. I wanted to pull my hair out. I finally figured out that you have to punish them for not doing what you say. You have to do it right then, in the moment. Make the punishment stick too. I've had to resort to spanking because I let it go too far. Now that she knows I will spank her, I don't have to so much. If you don't make them mind, they will run buck wild and run all over you. Force your hand, you are the parent. When you tell them to do something, make them do it. You can be your child's friend as soon as the parenting is done. My child is much more fun since I've figured this out and we actually enjoy each other now. In addition, I have found that she craves the discipline. The more I make her do the right things, the more she clings to me.

Answer 7

shes three what do you expect. I have almost the same problem with my 2 1/2 year old. shes bossy and has tantrums. I put her in her room for 5 minutes and this helps. I talk to her about behavior when she is in a good mood, and she really listens. some kids are well behaved and shy, others are well... like ours gifted I call it. my daughter is intelligent, but is a brat at times.

Answer 8

I have 2 parenting books to recommend for dealing with behavior at this age. Love and Logic Magic for 0-6 by Jim Fay and 3-2-1-Magic by ? Phelan. I bet they are available at your local library. Both are easy reads and give very specific advice for dealing with young children. I know the www.loveandlogic.com website is awesome. Pick your battles. Be consistent. Don't over-react. Time-outs for naughty behavior. Don't expect great behavior when out and about if it's not so great at home. Jim Fay has some awesome books, videos, Cd's. Invest now before the price tag grows.

Answer 9

you have nothing big to worry about. ok first of all, if he is at home and will not listen to you DO NOT YELL. yelling wont help your son to understand, you will just waste your tome and your patience. take him to a corner were none of the things he likes to see or play with are put him in a chair or his crib or anywhere you want and leave him there for 20 mins he will start crying but dont give in its a test hold him still and firm and make sure he does understand you. if he doesnt then im sorry but you will have to use SPANKNG. second if you are at a store or whatever and he throws a tantrum dont embarras yourself turn around and go home punish then go bak to store and shop till u drop gudluk

Answer 10

I hear you, have you tried taking all her favorites things away for a while? That works with my son he also doesn't want to listen much the only difference is that this guy stays too quiet and won't talk to anyone not even to greet them how rude and embarrassing that is, so I always take one piece at the time and lately he has been better you should try that.