My boyfriend says hurtful things when we fight, I know he loves me, well I thought he did anyway. He acts like my son is a hassle, & yes he knew about him when he got into this relationship. He wants to do drugs & bring them in my house, only once every couple months so he thinks I should be ok with this. He said since he pays the bills it's his house to which I understand, but I don't want drugs in my house & he doesn't seem to care what I think. He tells me he's going to take me out then he spends $200 on ebay & tells me we can't afford to go out. He buys for himself while I buy for the whole family plus stuff for the house. What should I do. Please help!
2007-01-25 13:29:48 · 49 answers · asked by Debi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
LEAVE
END OF STORY NO IF ANDS OR BUTS!
2007-01-25 13:34:25 · answer #1 · answered by Li 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I can't believe you can write this and not know the answer. You do know really don't you, but you've asked so let's look at this:
1. He's hurtful. Is this good or bad? It's bad.
2. He wants to do drugs. Is this good or bad? It's bad.
3. He doesn't care what you think. Is this good or bad? It's bad.
4. He only buys for himself. Is this good or bad? It's bad.
Are any of these things good for you? No.
Are any of these things good for your son? No.
He is *using* you, he doesn't care about you, he doesn't love you, to him you're something useful to clean the house, make the food and satisfy him in bed.
If he wants to do drugs then he's on a total self-destruct and he'll take you (and your son) with him.
Let's just pretend for a moment that you don't care about yourself. What about your son? Do you care about him? Do you think this is a good environment to grow up in?
The problem is that you have to get him out. Now *that* might be hard. Find a support agency in your area, ask them for help. Sell the house from under him and go somewhere else. Change all the locks and, if he gets dangerous, have somebody get dangerous with him (I don't usually advocate violence but sometimes it's needed to make sure the point is made).
He does NOT love you, he despises you, that's why he treats you badly.
2007-01-25 20:27:46 · answer #2 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says hurtful things then, that's not love and as far as bringing drugs into the house that's not cool, if the police ever come to your house and find them you could not only loose your house but your child as well to social services! So you have to ask yourself is he worth all that you stand to loose just because he pays some bills? In addition you said he acts like your child is a hassle, you are what is known as a package deal! If he can't accept the two of you then there is no DEAL!
2007-01-25 13:44:44 · answer #3 · answered by phillies_babygirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This sounds like a very unhealthy situation. You need to make a plan to leave. Start by setting aside enough money to survive until you find a permanent place to live. You can ask a true friend to help you out of this situation.
Any person that would bring drugs into a home, without or with a child present is not a well person. Giving you verbal abuse and later saying he loves is typical of an abusive personality. Such an abusive personality doesn't change overnight or months. It takes serioius long term counseling.
It also sounds to me that he uses finances to control you and keep you trapped under his terms.
Please be very careful. If he discovers your plans or desires to leave, it can lead to more abuse and perhaps violence.
2007-01-25 13:41:19 · answer #4 · answered by lostlatinlover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that if your boyfriend really cared about you and your son he would respect your decision about not bringing drugs into the house. Obviously he isn't thinking of the consequences of what would happen to your son if he got busted with them in your house. I really feel that you should just let him go. Is it worth even the thought of losing your son? I have once been in your shoes and it is a very hard decision to make. You will definetly find someone a lot better than him who will love you and your son. I wish you the very best of luck with whatever decision you make.
2007-01-25 14:06:04 · answer #5 · answered by mother of 3 angels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who actually owns the house?
If it is you maybe instead of him paying bills set him an ammount to pay if he says he's buying for the house why are you too?
He sounds selfish and immature and as for drugs of course you care and don't want him doing them fullstop and plus with a child in the house he isn't showing his responiblitys .
It not for anyone else to tell you what to do all i can do is advise you really need to talk with him explain how you feel .
Buy for your son and you and if its your house yes buy some things for it but if he's going to be selfish don't buy things for him let him struggle if hes able to spend £200 on himself.
2007-01-25 13:57:32 · answer #6 · answered by Nutty Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god, girl, RUN!!!!!!!!!! FAST!!!!!! And for the love of God get your son out of there before your boyfriend's negative feelings start to hurt his self esteem! Please take it from someone who stayed in a relationship with an alcoholic (didn't know it at first) for 12 years. I ended up a woman in pieces for years. I have never been so happy since I got out of that relationship. He made all the money supported the household and i didn't have a dime. The second that drugs came into the house, i took all three of my children and ran with no money and no place to go. In two weeks, i found a good job. Four months later, i was (and am still) dating a man who treats me like a princess. I take salsa classes and make my children the focus of my life. My oldest has to go to counseling because of the damage that was done because of that terrible relationship but she's getting better. My children (and your son) will be around for me alot longer than any man and they are my priority. Please get yourself and your son especially out of that situation. You are too valuable and wonderful to waste years of your life with someone who obviously doesn't know that. Feel free to email me if you need any more encouragement and good luck!!
2007-01-25 13:46:49 · answer #7 · answered by answergrrl3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's selfish, cruel, he doesn't treat your son with any respect and HE BRINGS DRUGS INTO YOUR HOUSE! My God, you know the answer to your question already - you and your son deserve more than this. Paying the bills doesn't mean he owns you, or your house. Change the locks, get yourself a new outfit and go out on the town - you might find a man who's worth having in your life rather than this loser.
2007-01-25 13:36:15 · answer #8 · answered by f0xymoron 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You should pretty much kick him to the curb.
Sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like a real douche.
He should care about you AND your son, not just himself. If he's acting this way now, and has been for a consistent amount of change, do you honestly think he's going to change anytime soon? I don't see that happening and I'm not even there. Screw him. Save YOUR money and get out as fast as possible. You don't want your son being influenced by such people.
2007-01-25 13:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by silence_within_chaos 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Who do you love more him, or you and your kid? Do you honestly want your kid around drugs? I doubt it, I dont know how old your kid is Im assuming not that old, but sooner or later the drugs are going to take him over and if not already he would not only say harsh things to you but also hit you and if your child is old enough to understand it will show in future he will. Talk to your boyfriend about leaving drugs, getting some help. If he truly loves you he will leave the drugs and get some help, but if not I think you shouldn't put your life and your son's life in danger.
2007-01-25 13:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by Dima P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... hurtful words, lack of respect for you and your kid, selfish actions... sounds like some people need to grow up a bit. First of all, if you have asked him not to do controversial activities (drugs) around your kid and he still does then that is a major problem. If the cops came and you/your kid were home then your child could be taken away from you. Do you think the cops would go for, "But officer it's not mine...?" How many times have they heard that one. Second, no one has the right to say hurtful things to someone they love and to belittle them (I pay the bills yada yada). I think it may be in the best interest for you and your kid to leave. There are people out that that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Don't give up on yourself or your kid.
2007-01-25 13:42:01 · answer #11 · answered by WVSingleMom 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋