People at the hospital when baby is born.?

Question

I'm a very private person and my husbands family is very open and very attention oriented. I hate attention. Actually my mother in law is driving me crazy with how obsessed she is over this pregnancy, she just won't lay off and let me enjoy it, it seems as though she steam rolls over everything and makes it her own to enjoy. I told my husband that the day the baby is born i just want that day to myself, just me and him and the new baby. No family no friends. Is this so wrong? My husband says this is selfish and that his mother has waited so long for a grandchild and i can't take that moment away from her. She's only 51. I don't feel this is her moment to have. I feel it is my moment and i don't want all the fuss around me. I want to get to know my baby. it will be as new to me as it will to everyone else. What do you think? is this a normal though process?

Answer 1

A woman after my own heart. Sadly you and I are in the minority. It gets so ridiculous around here sometimes with all the people at the delivery, it's really out of hand. There are people out there who want their brother in law, father in law, mother in law in the room while they push out a baby...!!! I bet if we took away those epidurals we'd have a lot less people in the delivery room, all that screaming, cursing, and pain would really tone down the party atmosphere.

If you don't want anyone there at the delivery, don't call them when you leave for the hospital and only call them the day after the baby is born when you're all cleaned up and well rested to receive visitors. I don't think you should shut her out of the whole hospital stay though just until you're delivered and rested up. You can always say the baby came fast and you didn't have time to call - she's not going to see your medical records. You and the baby aren't going anywhere. The L&D nurse will be your advocate if you have unwanted visitors we don't mind being the bad guy and enforcing visiting hours, we have plenty of experience dealing with obnoxious and overbearing relatives (after all we have to deal with the OBs who can be much worse, believe me!) - we do it all the time.

Answer 2

My wife thought the same thing. A good way to get around that without making the family think you're being selfish is to set up a specified time period after the birth of the baby that people can come and visit. Maybe an hour, or two if you're comfortable with it. After that specified time is over with, inform the family that you do not want any more visitors.

Also, let someone at the hospital know that you do not want any more visitors, and they will respect your decision.

It's not uncommon for a mother to want to spend time with just her baby and her husband. Since it is you who is having the baby, your husband should be accepting of how you are feeling. If you're not up to having a visiting time of around an hour, allow family members to stop in for 5 minutes just to see the baby. A few minutes is better than none and usually stops the bickering problem.

Answer 3

This is your first child and you are understandably going to be stressed enough without having a bunch of people standing over you. You need to explain to your husband that his mother has already had children, and you need to experience this wonderful event with just the two of you. Then explain to your mother-in-law that although you love her dearly, you have to insist that no one be present for the labor, delivery and recovery except your husband and yourself. Let her know that your husband will call her as soon as you deliver with all the news, and that after you and the baby are rested enough, you will call and let her know when a good time to stop by will be. She will get to see this grandchild for the rest of her life, she does not have to take this special time away from you.
If this doesn't work, let your doctor know you only want your husband and no one else, and they will make sure no one else comes in until YOU say so.

Answer 4

It is normal, but I don't think you can predict how desperately tired you'll be after giving birth. Definitely make it clear that NOBODY except your husband will be in the delivery room with you. Completely reasonable.

However, I think you should tell people they are welcome to wait (for hours and hours, probably) in the waiting room. You won't even see them, so there's no harm to you in their being there.

After the baby is born, announce you would like to try to breastfeed right away, and are embarrassed to have anyone else there looking at your breasts. This will buy you at least half an hour of private time to marvel over your little one.

After that, believe me, you will be ready for a nice long nap and will be delighted to have your husband show off the baby to the relatives while you snooze a bit.

The hospital will likely have daytime visiting hours, so you will have plenty of time when the extended family isn't able to be right there. Plus, the breastfeeding thing, if you choose that route, gets you lots of time with your door closed when you aren't expected to entertain visitors. If your mother-in-law wants to "help," explain that she's making you nervous and you need to figure out breastfeeding on your own, without an audience.

Above all, try to be understanding. She may seem overbearing, but she must just be delighted for you. Try to let her share in a bit of the experience, if you can stand to.

Answer 5

i've never had a child, but i know exactly what you mean and I agree to a certain extent.

family will always be there. But it sounds like she's being over-bearing or whatever and thats really irritating, i know.

there just has to be balance or something. i agree that it is your decision to pick who is in the room with you while you are giving birth. totally agree. maybe you should set aside a couple of hours after that where family can visit, and then set a very strict ending time so that you and your baby and your husband can rest quietly together. they have to respect your privacy and your decisions. what are they going to do when the baby arrives? tell you how to feed it or what to buy for it or where to send it to school? they need to learn to respect your wishes NOW.

i don't think that honestly you can completely shut them out that day. that will probably cause some really hurt feelings. and considering how touchy-feely your in laws seem to be, that might not end very soon and cause other repurcusions ...

so just be careful about what you decide to do. but yes, it is YOUR day and YOUR baby and YOUR decision. so do what makes you feel comfortable first of all, but of course consider family. at least they are present. my family disowned me, so I am pretty sure they won't be there or care or whatever. so ... just some perspective. ;)

Answer 6

You have every right to have this day to yourself and partner, you will be very exhausted and Iknow from personal experience that visitors of any kind especially overbearing mother in laws are too stressful, especialy as this is your first child. If he cant understand this then show him all the answers right here on this page.. this baby is yours not his mums.
Even after baby is born help is much appreciated but you know when too much is enough so guidelines will have to be set and adhered to. I wish you best of luck at such a special time, when you look into that little persons eyes you will know exactly the right thing to do for the both of you and you will find a strength within that you never knew you posessed.

Answer 7

I don't know if any one process of having a baby could be called normal. But if that's how you feel , then do it ! If she's a good mother-n-law then she'll understand. It sounds to me that your husband thinks your doing it to be unkind to his mother. So I would speak to him about it again.
Take if from a mother who had two babies in the NICU who were taken away for the first 12 hours,,,if you want to spend time alone with your baby that's exactly what you do and don't let anyone else make those decisions for you.

Answer 8

You are right to want time with you and the baby and your husband as a family unit before having everyone else barge in with all the advice you know comes along with the visit. Your husband has to look at things from your point of view and understand a few things. When you have a baby your hormones go into a tailspin. You need time to chill out and relax and get use to this new role that you have stepped into.

Answer 9

I can understand you wanting to have the delivery and some time after the baby is born to yourself get cleaned up, relax and bond with the new baby before everyone comes piling in, but I wouldn't say the whole day. This is a very big day for the grandparents also and I won't shut them completely out of that day, especially the first grandchild. Enjoy family now and let them help out, believe me after the newness wears off and family isn't around as much your going to miss all the help.

Answer 10

I think it is definitely your moment. If you do not want anyone in the hospital, you should not have to have anyone. YOU are the patient, YOU are the one giving birth to YOUR son/daughter. The day after you give birth you can decide if you want people to be there or not (you will be exhausted, and the last thing you will want to do is see people). I only wanted my parents and my husband there, no one else. My husband was upset about that, but I was comfortable with my parents there, and not his, period. Your husband has to remember he is not giving birth. I have many friends also, and I made it clear that I would call them when they could come and visit. No one was offended. You just have to explain that you want the moment to be for you and YOUR family (hubby, baby and you).