I have not spoken to my father in 3 yrs. The 1,000 times we have ever talked was because I contacted him. We live in the same state but I will be getting married away. Our past very much bothers me still, so I am unsure if I should invite him. I just don't want to invite him and I never get a response, whether he accepts the invite or not, because then that will cause much more negativity that I hold for him, should i even bother?
2007-01-25 12:27:35 · 27 answers · asked by Glorylori28 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Only you know the answer to whether you should invite your Dad or not. No one here knows the whole situation. I will say that it takes two to have a relationship, and by not calling your Dad doesn't sound like he was putting much in.
Do what you think is best for you. If you want to keep trying, do it. If not, then don't. But if you know your Dad has not been a very caring Dad during your life, and you decide to contact him, just go in with a realization of who your Dad is, and that there is a very good chance he will react the same way he has for the past several years. No one can be sure of what your Dad would do, but I can say that usually with people, the best predictor of their future behavior is their past behavior.
Don't let others tell you you have to do this or that. People who have had loving fathers don't realize the pain that can come with with a dettached father. It can cause pain over and over and over and I don't think you need to subject yourself to that because it's the "right thing". THe "right thing" is whatever you decide it is. Your feelings matter. I feel bad for the woman above who lost her father, but it's not right to give you advice based on her entirely different situation. In her hurt, she has said something that could cause you guilt, but that's not fair. You have a difficult and hurtful situation also, this is basically abandonment, he has not been there for you. When the person who is supposed to think you are the best thing ever abandons you by choice it is painful. It is his shortcoming not yours. If you think it will cause you too much pain to contact him don't do it. Do what you think will best take care of you and your feelings whether that is to contact your Dad or not. If you feel like giving it another shot that's ok too. Talk to people who support you in whatever you decide about this.
I'm sorry for the pain that the situation with your Dad has caused you. You might try letting a counselor help you sort this out, a good one won't tell you what to do but will help you come to the decision that's best for your life. Best of luck and congratulations on your wedding.
P. S. If you want, read the book Boundaries, by Henry Cloud. It will tell you that your life matters and you don't need to do things that are deeply painful or drag you down because others guilt you or others deem it "the Right thing". People who go back to abusers think that way. NO you don't need to sacrifice your feelings, you decide what is "the right thing" and this deeply individual family situation.
2007-01-25 14:38:36 · answer #1 · answered by crossroads67 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No matter what, I would still give my father an invitation even if I know he will not show or give me a response. At least you tried to do the right thing.
It may bother you if he does not show; however, do not let it because you need to be the stronger person and say, "Whatever Dad. I still love you and I will talk to ya later". (I really do not know what the problem is about but I hope this helps) So take it easy, invite him. If he doesn't show, have a back up and move on to a new beginning with someone else. Cause in the long run, when your dad in need of someone, you will probably be there.
2007-01-25 12:38:36 · answer #2 · answered by Keyz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you've made up your mind.
Send him the wedding invitation or simply write him a letter letting him know all the details of the wedding - asking him to come if he feels that he can be supportive emotionally - whether he can do anything else or not. Let him know that you forgive him if you can.
Don't be hurt any more if he is the same as he always was.
But as you begin your marriage, clear out that negativity, and
begin by forgiving your father of everything that he did to hurt you, do it now before those negative feelings cause you difficulty in the future with your spouse.
best wishes
2007-01-25 12:49:47 · answer #3 · answered by birdwatcher 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is a question you must answer, but here is a tip that may help you decide.
If you don't invite him, will you feel guilty or sad about it later when he finds out that his daughter got married and he didn't even know?
From what you said, he doesn't sound like he deserves such caring from you. You need to give him a piece of your mind. He's suppose to be a father, not a fair weather friend. He needs to start caring about his daughter more.
2007-01-25 12:46:36 · answer #4 · answered by A dad & a teacher 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i didn't have a "bad" relationship with my father, but he never kept in touch. he would make empty promises that really hurt me. but i swallowed my pride and invited him. he flew out and we had a really good talk a couple days before the wedding. we decided that we were both going to change and make an effort. i had a beautiful wedding and i couldn't be happier that he was there. that was a good turning point for us.
i can't say that things will be the same for you, but you may always regret not inviting him. and if he does come, he might really realize how happy you are and want to be a part of that. good luck and congratulations!
2007-01-25 12:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by Nicki 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you want him to share this day with you and your spouse? This is a decision you need to make by truly evaluating your feelings. You left out a lot of details of your relationship with him, I'm guessing intentionally. I did not invite my biological father to my wedding and I never thought about it until I read your question. I never regretted it, my wedding day was about my husband and I and all the people who are very special in our lives, he didn't qualify. Good luck.
2007-01-25 13:30:04 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Etiquette says which you invite the two halves of a married or engaged couple. in the experience that your gf's mom stayed married to the abuser and did no longer guard her, why could she invite the two of them? in the event that they are divorced, there is not any reason to ask him. i'm attentive to a girl whose son and fiancee' married privately with actually basically the two witnesses and the officiant in attendance. each and every of the mum and dad have been invited to the reception held a couple of minutes later. or you will be able to desire to elope.
2016-12-16 13:41:31 · answer #7 · answered by mijarez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going through the same thing except it is with my mother. I am chosing not to invite her because I do not want a scene caused. If you feel uncomfortable inviting him then don't do it. It is your wedding day and you want it to go perfect!
2007-01-26 08:42:29 · answer #8 · answered by April 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The day is about you and your groom. Do what makes the two of you happy. If there is someone who would negatively affect the way you feel that day, don't give them that opportunity....
I have a sister who was not invited to my wedding for the same reason.
2007-01-25 12:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by from HJ 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would invite him. Send out the invite just as you will your other relatives. If he comes he comes, if he doesn't he doesn't. Just because he does come doesn't mean you owe him anything or that you even have to acknowledge him as your father there (ie no father daughter dance ). If he doesn't show you'll know he is not worth the effort for the future and you can move on and spend the rest of your life with your sweetie.
2007-01-25 12:38:16 · answer #10 · answered by Kitty33 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋