Can Guys change?

Question

Ok heres the deal. I broke up with my bf because he told me when we started dating that he didnt want to get married or even have kids. ( things that are important to me later in life) So i thought i could change. But later realize 6 months later that i cant. Well we've been broken up for a month now and says that he can change if thats what keeps me in his life. Now is it possible for a guy to change so rapidly like that or he feeding me bull to just get me back and string me along as long as possible?

Answer 1

People can change, but there ususally has to be a reason.
If the reason is you are out of his life, what do you suppose will happen as soon as you are back in it?

Answer 2

He wants to change. You can't change, you've probably been down that road and don't want to go back to the old bull because it's childish. He's willing to make that change for you, which isn't entirely unusual women get men to do that all the time for the sake of the relationship. He'll give it a try, but it may or may not stick, he may digress; give him a while, like the 6 months that it took you to realize that you can't change, and see what he's talking about then. By then he would have met someone else, and will probably want all of those things with the new women, or will want you back and may be willing to do those things with you. But if he does do any of those things, don't be surprised if it doesn't work out to perfection, because it takes us a lot longer to settle into that reality, regardless of what we do or say ...

Answer 3

Ms. Bumpkin, yes we can change but the scenario you have given just seems he wants you back and may even go along with your wants such as marriage and kids but in effect he does not want either.To not want these things and then do a 180 so quickly
just seems a bit odd.Neither of you should change your wants or needs but should be some common ground there between you and a lot of communication is needed.You should find out why he does not want kids or marriage,he should find out why you do.Somewhere in there is common ground or grounds to go seperate ways.People don't change that quickly and if you both try it again he will harbor those feelings about how YOU made him change and now he has a baby,a mortgage,2 cars and is married.And you will always wonder if he is sincere about these
things that you always wanted.I am a 40 year old man(single) with a 3 month old baby boy,my first but have adopted children with ex.And very close to them and their mother.I would love to be married and stay at home and raise babies.I changed,I still love to ride my harley to myrtle beach at bike week,and hang out with the guys for an hour on friday's but in my younger day's I was just the opposite and it took alot of time.Think it out and talk with him about his wants and needs and your wants and needs.
Talk,Talk,Talk,I do alot of it dont I? Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 4

I have seen this happen quite a few times. Men will make promises like this with no thought whatsoever of how it will affect the woman. For them it is easily to string you along with a lie. This one is really easy for him because the only way that you will know that he is lying is after years of marriage. If he really did love you, then he would have changed his mind within the first couple of months. (I am assuming you brought up the subject during the relationship.) When a man says something like that after a breakup, he is definitely lying. If he were telling the truth, he would sit down and discuss the pros and cons of having children and tell you exactly why he didn't want them. If you want to have some fun and you like him, why not? If you want a serious relationship, you're probably never going to get one from him. He doesn't really love you very much.

Answer 5

Well only time will tell, someone's views about the things they want later in life can change....I didn't want to get married or have kids either but my current boyfriend changed my mind and me in ways he can't even imagine. If he's making the effort give him a chance, but if you don't think he's changed then don't go back to him, you'll find someone who wants those things before they even met you.That way you know it's what they really want and they're not just saying it because of you. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 6

Anybody is capable of change if that is what they choose to do for themselves. Though if he is saying he will change for you....I doubt he will.
Like they say" a leopard can't change it's spots." You tried to change yourself for the sake of the relationship and 6 months is all it took for you to see you weren't changed.
It sounds like now you want to believe he will change for you. Think about it. Just because that cat is purring and snuggling up to you for affection, it is still a leopard that will revert to it's natural leopard way's.

If you do decide to give him a chance, you need to set down some boundaries or rules. Easy ones that he can do without a lot of effort, yet show that he is changing. Stand firm on your choices. Once you trust him with the first easy step go on and set the next, again being firm that he comply. If he doesn't, no excuses. Find someone that wants what you want.
P.S. You will be needing the skill of being firm and loving about expected behavior as a parent. Might as well start learning it now.

Answer 7

well i can't judge the heart of anyone and whether or not they can truly change and how fast they do so... however, that does not mean you can't be together... what you may have to realize is you can have people in your life even if you know that eventually one day you will have to let go of them if you know they are not the one you will marry... as long as you have a pure relationship and do not defile your body by doing anything with this boy then there is no reason why you can't have a close relationship with him... you may not marry him and in the long run you might only be friends but if you are not doing anything wrong or violating the Word of God then you can still have that relationship, as long as you both understand that someday it will very likely end... sorry i couldn't be of anymore help... good luck!!!

Answer 8

So from the get go, you Knew up front, your b/f didn't want to get married or have kids but you dated him anyways HOPING he'd change his mind or you could change yours knowing that you really wanted to get married someday and have a family...so you stick around to see if either one of you changes....so it doesn't....you dump him a month ago.......his head is spinning not knowing what to do cuz he doesn't want to lose you...but in the long run....he will resent you and leave you....but you think now should you give him another chance and see if he's for real or is he pulling you along to break your heart in two?? Quit Playing Games*~

Answer 9

True love can change anyone. But, it only happens if the person really loves you enough, and if they really are willing to work on them selves. BUT, it is rare, and most people go back to being themselves. There are few men willing to do anything to keep someone. If you are lucky, he might be one of those guys, it depends on whether you want to hang around taking a chance, or if you want to move on to find someone that you connect with on every level.

Answer 10

I wish I could say it was that easy to change... especially about something THAT IMPORTANT!

If it was... well... no one would have any problems.

However, maybe this guy realized that you are great and he knows how important getting married and having children are to you! If that is the case, then maybe he has grown up and matured and realized living alone for the rest of his life is not nearly as appealing as having a family!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 11

I vote for line of bull. Everyone changes, but over time and with experience in life. You couldn't change in six months. Why is he expected to change in one? Your doubts are actually your real feelings on the situation. This isn't right for you at this time.