Why do parents blame the older child when children argue? no answers saying, bc theyre older, thats obvious?

Question

As usual my day sucked and my family just made it worse. My brother and I cannot get along and so in order to combat the issue, the rule is i have the downstairs, and my brother has the upstairs until a parent comes home. Unfortunately, when they come home the whole point of having the 1st floor to myself is ruined because the reason that time is my favorite part of everyday is for a short hour or so, i can do whatever i want, and that is my favorite time of the day. And then of course once in a while, i get annoyed, and ask repetitively for them to just go to another room, i mean they are cutting in on my 'me time', and my younger brother that is about a foot taller and around twice my weight, punches me and says something stupid like 'her breath stunk' and my parent will send me to my room crying bc it hurt and my day is ruined. please could someone explain the logic behind this, bc i dont see any. advice for future welcomed too.

Answer 1

As a parent, I don't see any logic in this. You need to talk to your parents and let them know how they are making you feel when this happens. It may not help but it won't for sure if you don't say anything. Just make sure it is just you and your parents when you talk about this. That way your brother can't get offended and start a fight.
Do not give your parents attitude when you do this, be as nice as possible about it while still being honest.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

Older kids have more capability to walk away from a conflict. Frequently the kid thought of as the victim, is really the instigator. Hidden camera work well- 20/20 actually did a story on families that surprised the parents when they saw how the "angelic"child really wasn't. In most cases it really showed that it was both kids at different times.
Maybe try to talk to your parents sometime when it's calm and there's no current issue going on. Maybe you could have the upstairs? Could you go somewhere else after school until they get home? A friend's or the Y, and after school club? Maybe volunteering somewhere.
Good luck. You really will survive it all and life gets better:)

Answer 3

I have 8 kids...and I find that it is easier for most parents to get into the rut of blaming the older sibling because they feel they should know better. What they do not understand is that the younger child/children pick up on this habit of the parents and then feed on it. Children are very in tune with what a parent does habitually. I find that it is better if the parent talks to each child separately..getting each ones story. Then when you pull them into the same room you have them repeat that story. I find that my younger usually is to blame...usually over wanting something that her older siblings have. You don't want to believe that the younger can be the instigator, but believe it. More often then not, it is the little ones that are picking the fights. The older don't usually start something as they know they will be the ones punished. I don't always reccomend retaliation...but if he continuses to hit you..and they will not do anything hit him back in the arm. Maybe when you stick up for yourself you will shock him into leaving you alone. Otherwise tell your parents that you are sick of them letting him mistreat you and you don't think it is right that they overlook his actions. Do not cry when you talk to them, as parents tend to tune you out when you whine. Remain calm, and be frank with them. Put your foot down and tell them they need to resolve the issue. I think the parent also tends to punish the one who whines or crys as they don't like to hear it. Good-Luck.

Answer 4

Parents always expect more from the oldest. I would take your parents aside and explain what is going on. Don't try tp do this with your brother around. Why can't you stay in your room? How come you two have to be on separate floors? I would definitly tell your parents about him hitting you. You two are definitly going to have to start getting along and your parents are going to have to get your brother under control.

Answer 5

Does your brother come downstairs after your parents get home?
If so, you should go to a different area of the house to avoid confrontation with him.
Instead of getting annoyed and repetitively asking your parents to go to another room, try talking to your parents about your brothers actions.
Do your parents know your brother punches you?
You need to talk this out with your parents in a mature fashion and reach some sort of compromise.
Chances are, they don't realize why you get so upset ... they may not even realize what your brother is doing.
Good luck.

Answer 6

It is one of the occupational hazzards of bieng the older sister or brother. I know this cause I am the oldest in the family. The older sibling is consireded to be rougher and tougher, no matter if it is a boy or a girl. Ihave no idea how old are you but you need to talk to your parents about this issue. Often, they take it for granted that it is you who has to compromise and it you who are at fault. It is for the love of their younger child. Talk to your parents and they will understand.

Answer 7

My sister got away with murder for many years. Til this day, she has been trying to make me jealous because she still feels that our father favors me;it been going on for 27 years She stole for 12 years, with no remorse, expected trust and felt that she didn't have to abide by rules. She actually believes that her gifts, to our parents, are better than mine because they're more expensive. She's mad that I don' t care about her gifts. On Xmas '04, she was hurt because she felt our mother like my $12 massager more than her $25. I got it because the massager that my mother had been using was on it's last leg.
I wasn't competing against my sister. Besides, in order to compete against my sister, showing up is all I've got to do and she's threatened.
She has never worked for anything. I had a revelation recently. I feel that she hate that I never used my disabilities as a crutch. I was the slowest in my class. Now, due to hard work, I'm mistaken for an "A" student.
Your brother will one day pay for the indulgence that he's receiving now just as my sister is.

Answer 8

Because the oldest is the oldest and should know better to not bother or even talk to the younger ones. Just avoid getting into a conversation that will end up a disaster. if they dont leave the room----u leave....common. and also, the oldest should be more mature and know not to get into their brothers problem or they will just be yelled at for not being mature and bothering their brothers---which is never true most of the time.

Answer 9

My little ones have been all observed on the a while of 18 mos., 2 years and intensely almost 3 years.... so as that they knew for the main area, that they had different mothers and dads - the two start and foster. those are all relationships that we necessary to validate with our youngsters. My oldest son is the guy who has continually noted assembly his birthmom. we've continually been open and undemanding approximately what all of us understand approximately his mothers and dads. We even have some enjoying cards and letters that have been sent to them that they love dealing with. i might easily help my young ones seek besides as actively take part in it. I could positioned myself of their footwear.... and likewise, how am i able to be threatened by way of somebody who has given me the possibility to be a mom to the main priceless little ones? i might like to fulfill them and thank them... I even have questions as an adoptive mom for his or her birthparents, so i'm valuable they have a good number of extra that they are going to desire replied sometime. a hundred% supportive!

Answer 10

It's typical sibling stuff, my only question is, why don't you just hang out in your room when everyone comes home and can roam the house? As for your Bro, use your girl-instincts, since he's bigger than you he may beable to beat you up physically, but I guarantee you you can figure out a way to get in his head and verbally abuse him (only as long as he deserves it, and not too much because it can last for a long time if you really get to him). Maybe try to find an after school activity to keep you away from your house if it makes you so miserable.