My friend's kids keep getting my kid sick at play dates. This has been addressed before. How do I resolve it?

Question

I usually get together with my girlfriend and her 3 kids once a week for a play date (I have 1 kid). Since September (and the birth of her 3rd, all under the age of 3 1/2), she has brought her sick kids to my house without telling me they are sick. This week was our turn to go to her house. When we got there, it was clear that all 3 kids were sick (nasty noses, hacking coughs). I have told her in the past that my kid gets sick easily (not really true) and that we can't play when the kids are sick. Well, my kid came down with a cold 2 days after playing at her house.

I don't want to ruin our friendship, but I need to put my son's best interests first. How do I address this with her AGAIN without completely avoiding her every week?

Answer 1

Eww. I can't believe how many people are pushing for you to actually NOT worry about your kids being sick. It makes me wonder...

Me personally, I hated going to playdates with sick kids. Kids are naturally predisposed to catching EVERYTHING... and having a sick little one when it could have been prevented is the worst. It made & still does make me pretty angry.

I made it very well known to ALL of my friends that if I noticed a sick child, my family would be out of there, FAST! They knew that I hated having my little ones exposed to sickness "just because". If either of my kids is sick, then I keep them home away from everyone else's little ones, one - because that's what you're supposed to do when your child is sick... you take care of them until they're better! and two - because of common sense and courtesy. I want & expect the same from others. The people who believe that it's okay to have little ones around one another when they're sick are EXACTLY like the friend you're complaining about... and that's juts plain nasty!

Tell her AGAIN... "Look, I'd really appreciate it if you let me know when your children are sick because my little one catches EVERYTHING. It's really hard on me because I love our get-togethers, but I end up spending the rest of the week taking care of my child, which is NOT fun for either one of us! Then, the next time we get together, it's the same cycle all over again..."

Hopefully that works for you. If not, then maybe you can just start having fewer playdates... once a week or twice a month at most maybe.

Answer 2

First - do make sure your aren't being overly cautions. Some illness is going to help him be more resistent. Our rule in our little group is mostly that if the snot is clear - all is good. And really, your child could, in theory, have picked up a cold from the grocery store, etc. Just a thought.

But outside of that - give a good week or two break. Use your child's illness as an excuse. Then just ask her point blank -say you've been through one illness, you don't want to be through another, and please, what symptoms does her child have (don't ask if the child is sick - that is subjective) so you can judge if you want your child around him.

You can also use the "my child still may be contagious and if your child has any symptoms, my child may make yours worse" line.

She has to say "a cough" a "runny nose" or be caught in a lie when you get there.

If she does lie, then you need to just find a new playdate - at least until the summer when they can be outside.

Answer 3

Enroll yourself and your kid in a playgroup. Tell your friend you thought it would be a good idea -- because they have a playground/ and or playroom for the kids to play in. Ask your friend to enroll her kids also.

This way you aren't avoiding her. Chances are with three kids it will be hard for her to enroll them. But even if she has the money -- the playgroup now becomes responsible for making sure sick kids don't come in on that day.

Another thought is "they" say its good to let your kids be around germs. Good for their immune system or something -- I don't know if this means every week though. But what about a play date once a month or every other month?

You may also find other things to consider that would prevent you from going to a weekly play date. For instance, start a part time home based job, or hobby, or something along those lines that would start to legitimately take up your time.

While she might be upset at first about the kids not getting together -- most likely you two will still be talking on the phone probably daily. You are just improving your life -- she won't be mad at that. Plus, you might make money or something :)

Blessed be..

Answer 4

"Well, my kid came down with a cold 2 days after playing at her house" Then your kid didn't get the cold from her kids. It takes 5 to 7 days for a cold to gestate to the point of presenting symptoms. So they already HAD the cold when they showed up at your friend's house with her sick kids. So it wasn't her fault your kid got sick and it wasn't her kids fault either. They more than likely picked it up right at home. Because germs are everywhere even in YOUR home.

Answer 5

First, how do you know those kids got your child sick? Kids are notorious for touching everything and then touching their mouth or nose. So a virus hangin' out in the grocery store might be to blame.

Yeah, maybe it was them who got your child sick. But with kids getting colds every time they turn around, your friend probably doesn't see getting a cold as a big deal. (I don't really think it is, either.) You either need to be frank and tell her that you don't want the kids playing together when they're sick and if she does it again, not see her, or suck it up. You don't have much choice.

Answer 6

Another honest conversation with your friend might be a good idea, because she might not have the same view of what "too sick for a play date" means. But unless these kids are seriously ill, you might be overreacting a bit. When your child gets to school, or even pre-school, you'll have no control over what germs he or she comes into contact with. People very rarely stay home from a simple cold. Teach your child to wash his or her hands often, and accept that minor illnesses are a part of childhood.

Answer 7

I can relate to your problem. I HATE when sick people come over to my house. I would say that all future play dates need to be at her house, or in a public place. When you go to one of those places, and notice her kids are sick, I would tell her of the incident above. Then, reschedule the play date for another day. Really, you don't need friends that are inconsiderate of the health of your family. Perhaps you can also get together for "a girls night out". I have relatives that get together when the kids are sick. My son is older, though, and I tell him not to get near the children.

Answer 8

well it a tuff situation.But I agree with you, put your foot down, explain that every time her kids come close to your kids when they are sick yours do too. WHile is not her fault, kids are kids and they will share everything... including their buggers and will caugh in ea. face, you would appreciate if she at least tell you. Callher days prior the play date and try to find out how are the kids doing, talk about the weather!...."oh god the wheather is so crazy am feeling weird, I hope your kids are ok, am feeling like am gettin a running nose" . If still don't work you may have to avoid her so that she gets the clue on play date tell her that you have to go somewhere(if you already know the kids are sick).Good Luck!!

Answer 9

properly, my youngest has been invited to play dates and such and generally that's mum and dad i've got already widespread or see around the college. i do no longer comprehend them *quite* properly yet however i don't experience that i comprehend everybody that properly. there have been situations that i've got went to %. her up from college and her and a chum are begging to party *staggering now!* and he or she's hopped off into yet another mum and dad automobile with a speedy replace of cellular telephone numbers from us mothers. My eldest- i comprehend her maximum suitable buddies mom ok. If she will a sleepover, that's many times there. She has made lots of latest buddies in midsection college, nevertheless, that i can't shop up with each and all of the mum and dad. i'm going to get bashed for this in spite of the undeniable fact that that's come to the component the place that's a speedy 10 minutes meet head to head and a 20 minute telephone call and that's all i comprehend thoroughly of the countless mum and dad. I do ask the different mothers "Oh, my daughter is staying is sarah's, do you comprehend her mum and dad?" and that i'm getting the low down that way. that's a small city and everybody is conscious everybody (cept me- i'm a hermit) yet i will constantly ask around with mothers that i comprehend . so a procedures my teenagers have picked good buddies with good families to charm to close out with (with a small exception of youngsters i does no longer enable them to pass over to their residences).

Answer 10

I don't think you understand that putting your son's best interests first means GETTING him sick, dirty and all kinds of gross things when he is little. This is how a proper immune system builds. You'll be helping him be a healthy adult, MUCH LOWER risk of having ANY allergies and is now proven he'll be at lower risk of many types of cancer. BUT only if he has a normal immune system.

Wrapping your child in a bubble and using lysol 20 times a day is going to make your child get sick VERY easy, have a rough time growing up, have allergies and be a sickly adult. Its also building super bugs that people can't be treated for or fought off.

If you truly believe that never stimulating your son's immune system and never letting him build a base of anit-bodies is in his best interest it is YOUR responsibility keep him away from sick children not your friends. If this is really how you feel then it is your obligation to ask her ahead of each play date as to the health of her children and arrange a sitter for your child if you still want to meet with her. You can't make your child her responsibility here, you have to ask each time if its important to you.

Good luck to you and your son.