tom loves his 8 yr old son matt dearly.i really want to develop a relationship with matt as i care for him too as i have been in his life since he was 2.the problem is tom's exwife feels i'm in "her spot" with tom(he left her 7yrs ago but not for me and she never got over it)now she has no control over this but has made it very clear i am to have nothing to do with her son matt.meaning i am not allowed to attend ANY school functions,spend time alone with matt,have no contact with teachers,doctors ect.she feels this is for her and tom only and i'm not really her son's family so its none of my business.tom being a great dad will not go against her wishies in fear it will cause problems for his son.my question is why all this drama?why can't she be happy her exhusband married someone who loves her child and wants to be part of his life?
2007-01-25 11:05:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
what does it matter 'why' she acts like this?
If your husband is not willing to stand by you and clear the way for you to attend school functions, you just won't be able to go.
Just do for Matt what you can and leave the rest.
The less you resist his Mom's efforts to 'keep him to herself', the sooner she'll relax and give up her tense attitude.
2007-01-25 11:14:11 · answer #1 · answered by flywho 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok from expierence when I was growing up because I myself went through this. My mom HATED when my dad got re-married. She did everything possible to make my step mom not want to do anything with me. So now my step mom doesn't want anything to do with my mom actually and my step mom and I really don't get along very well just because of the past. It sucks on both ends because in the long run it's the kids that suffer not the adults. So is all I can say is that if you feel comfortable talking to this women as grown adults and asking her why she is acting the way she is about this stuff. Maybe you two can come to some terms or understanding on this situation that can help everybody out in the long run.
As far as the Dr appts and stuff man that is so stupid. Who has custody in this whole thing you guys or the bio-mom? If you guys have full custody of him then there is no reason why you can't take him. I would say try to talk to her like adults and see what kind of understanding you can come to.
Good Luck
2007-01-25 11:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by blondie21_97504 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't his mom and the kid's mom wants to make sure you know it, he knows it, and your husband knows it. While I don't think she is in the right (except for not dealing w/ teachers, doctors, etc directly), I think you should abide by her wishes. There is little harm in doing what she asks. Enjoy your time with the boy when he is with you and your husband. Build a relationship with him. Hopefully his mom will cool off eventually but if she doesn't, your stepson will have even more respect for you in the future. He will see that you did all you could do to keep his life calm. While what she's doing may be harmful to her son, I'm sure she has a hard time seeing it. As far as the drama goes, it takes two to tango. If you stay away, there is no drama to be had.
2007-01-25 11:44:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is pro bally jealous that you are still with this great guy.
I would sit down and talk to her and explain it to her that you are not leaving and you are always going to be in the picture and if she don't like it than oh well get over it.
You have all ready know en him now for 5 years so she should of got over it.
I would also contact a lawyer or call legal aid and see if she can do this because when my ex was like that the judge told him step parents have rights to.
2007-01-25 11:17:09 · answer #4 · answered by crazziegrl14 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where you are coming from, with wanting to have a relationship with the boy, but never never try to be another mom to him. That's not your place. Be his friend.
From what I can piece together, he left her when the boy was very young. That's very difficult.
I'm sorry to tell you that as much as possible, back off and let her be the mom. She probably does feel very threatened and very hurt, especially becasue her son is part of a 2 parent household and she's not one of the parents. Be sensitive to that. Be his friend, and make it very clear that you aren't in competition with mom.
2007-01-25 13:00:02 · answer #5 · answered by sempurvivum 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You nailed it in your second sentence. She feels like you're in "her spot." She might have divorced Matt's father, but she didn't divorce her son. She's probably scared to death that she'll hear him call you "mom" one day.
Not knowing the circumstances of their divorce, I can't address their custody or her participation. But if you're going to get along with this woman, you're going to have to be honest with her and set up some realistic boundaries.
She might not be married to Daddy anymore, but she's still Mom, and she'll want to know that you know that. I don't know what Matt calls you, but you'll have to make it clear that his mom holds a place in his life that no one else can fill. You're going to have to be diplomatic...
And no, she might never be happy that her ex found somebody wonderful. The best you can hope for is that she'll come to realize you're not there to make her son love you more than he loves her.
Fill your heart with sympathy for her: imagine being a mom and not having your son with you every day. How sad! Approach her understanding that tragedy, and let her know you're not in "her spot" when it comes to her child.
Good luck--
2007-01-25 11:23:08 · answer #6 · answered by KD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you have to accept that is how she is trying to keep her hands into the family and keep control. You need to schedule a date with Matt. Go out to eat, go to the mall and just spend the day together just you and him. This plants that bond that his mom will never get. Make sure your husband supports this and it will help greatly with you as a family. I too am a step mother and my husband's X is a bit _ _. You have to stand your ground.
2007-01-25 12:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by Sheila 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's never gonna happen it's been 7 years and she still seems bitter and Jelous. It sounds like she is still in love with your husband and can't let go. You need to stand up for what you believe because there is always going to be drama with this one. You need to do what you feel is right for this little boy and be who you want to be in his life. You are his second mom and she needs to get over it and move on.
2007-01-25 12:21:12 · answer #8 · answered by BabyDolll128 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
unfortunately, she probably will never get used to you being in their lives because in her eyes you took her spot in the life she desires most. hopefully, she'll come to see overtime, however, that you only want the best for your partner and your step-son, and in the end that's all that really matters. just keep trying to get through to her; she needs to see and eventually realize that this is the life your husband choose and ultimately that needs to be respected, especially since you obviously love them and would never do anything to hurt them.
good luck!
2007-01-25 11:24:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to be a step-parent. You should talk with your husband to get HIS permission to talk with teachers, doctors, etc. As far as his ex-wife..... she is probably very angry at him & like a lot of women do: instead of taking it out on HIM, she takes it out on you!!
However, THE BEST thing you can do is TALK with YOUR HUSBAND!! You are part of his life & their son's whether his ex-wife likes it or not!!!
2007-01-29 10:53:05 · answer #10 · answered by ilovepoison2820 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋