Help with a 17 yr step daughter?

Question

I have a stepkid that dont give a damn what i say to her if something dont go her way when her dad is at work she calls him and then her mom and her mom calls me cussing this girl is a mess she steals from anyone LIES nonstop about where she is she goes to spend the night at her bf house I NEED HELP with this me and my husband fight over this 24/7 he says i am mean to her since i check up on here all the time i asked her to do supper dishes since my kid cooked what did she do HE PLATE HER SPOOM AND CUP THAT WAS IT....I had to do the rest my husband just lets her run over me she has called me a ***** and everything please tell me some rules that might help....Ps My phone rings at 3 am on a school nite he wont say nothing to her about it so i just get up and i cant go back to sleep pleaseeeee anything would be nice

I have set her down with her dad and nothing works trust me with this one

Ty all for what you have said....Maybe next time she does this stuff i just call the police on her see i been sick with my heart for 6 yrs she got all my med and told my husband i took them well then i said i did not guess where he found them in her bedroom

Answer 1

Well, she's your step daughter, not your daughter. I'm afraid the for the sake of peace, you're probably going to have to let her father and mother deal with her crappy behavior, and if they're not willing to, then you really can't do anything about it either. Talk to your husband though, tell him how her behavior affects you, and how you're worried about his daughter. Try to get him to take a firm line with his daughter, but he may not be willing to (it certainly sounds like he isn't) and I'm sorry to say, but you're up a certain creek here without a shovel. Lock up your cash and credit cards while she's around.

Answer 2

don't know how long you've been stepmom, but if it's for any length of time, certain patterns and cycles are already set in motion. Honestly, somehow it's become them vs. you, and you need to really evaluate how fair and how much of this them vs. you mentality you are responsible for. Figure it out, figure out ways to change that. Also, sit down with your husband and tell him, you don't want to push her away, you just want rules and boundaries in the home respected. Come up with a list of acceptable and non-acceptable behaviors. Be prepared to be a little more lenient on some things that you normally wouldn't, go over the list with hubby and if you disagree on a behavior, discuss why. Ask him, why do you think this is OK? or not OK. Once you have come up with a list, then ask him if he's willing to be the enforcer of rules, and how you will handle the situation if she behaves for him, but not for you. Be prepared ahead of time, count to ten often, try to stay calm, and be patient in the beginning. Make him an ACTIVE participant, not the one everyone goes to and whines to, but someone who has helped establish the rules and helps to enforce them. ALSO, see what you can do with your stepdaughter to create a better relationship with her. Maybe take her shopping, go get your nails done together, girls stuff. Try to take an interest in some of her life, show her that you do really care about her, show her some respect, and she might start to reciprocate. GOOD LUCK.

Answer 3

I am the step mom of a 24 year old she was 3 when me and her dad got married. and we had some rough times from around the time she was 13-19 not all bad but not easy.
But the first thing I did was set down and told her, I'm not your mom, and don't want to be, but I love your dad and want us to try to get along for his sake.I have never corrected her, that was her dads job, but I did threaten to slap her in the mouth for belching out loud at the steak house once.
Sounds to me that you and dad need to have a long discussion about how to deal with the issues of what chores she should do, her curfew of home, phone, over night stays, and how she treats you, come up with a plan and make sure the rules are followed if not then someone needs to go wheather it is you or her. If you are already fighting over it then maybe you should have already left.
But I will tell you this if my step daughter called me****** in my home, she would have been picking her but up from the floor and if daddy said something to me about it he would set the same...
You teach people how to treat you and so far all those to have learned is its ok with daddy and daughter to disrespect you

Answer 4

The first person you should be talking to is your husband.He needs to help enforce some ground rules in your home.Sound like this brat runs the house and has no respect for you what so ever.You can't blame everything on her as she is a teenager and we all know they will only do what they can get away with.Her dad needs to also call the girls mother and say if she thinks she can do a better job then by all means come and get her.My heart goes out to you .But please don't waste anytime tell your husband he needs to start being a dad and laying down the law for this child that you can kick out in 1 yr.Good Luck!

Answer 5

It sounds to me like your husband also has a lack of respect for you. (Please, no offense.). I think the first step would be to go out somewhere with your husband, (or at home when the kids aren't there) and TRY to calmly have a conversation about how you feel he completely underminds you, which only shows the children that it is ok to treat you like that also. Step-Mother or not, your still her mother while she's under YOUR roof, and your husband needs to understand that the rules, (you TOGETHER, as a team create), made need to be followed, regardless of which parent is around. (As for the Bio-Mother, if she is so willing to call and add her two cents about YOUR household rules, she should also be willing to open HER home to HER rebelious non-listening a** daughter.) If your husband out-right refuses to change anything or to even make rules, or refuses to inforce them, then I recomend marriage counseling. Being parents is a TEAM effort, it will be impossible for you to get her under control on your own. Especially with bio-mom involved so negitively. (And hey, if you can talk hubby into it, BOOT CAMP!!)

Answer 6

feel for you and your hubby. You don't deserve to be treated this way,
try and concentrate on the your relationship . She's got problems that's for sure, and apparently wants to stir up trouble for you and your hubby. Sometimes there is nothing you can do. Don't be suprised if she shows up one day looking for a hand out. Cause that's about the only reason she would, she's only thinking of herself and the trouble she can cause.Ignore her.leave her be I understand your frustration with this situation.Just keep your distance from her.Take each day as is comes..If you have to count to 20 take a deep breath.good luck!

Answer 7

I see that this can be really frustrating, but it seems like your reaction to how she behaves is pushing her away, and making things worse. She already has the "upper hand" because you aren't her parent.

Try using the "kill them with kindness" idea... Treat her like a friend. She isn't a young child, and if you start treating her like she is a mature, responsible adult she will probably start acting more like one.Try being there for her, and developing trust between the 2 of you. It may be hard, but probably worth it.

Answer 8

i imagine that's advantageous to share a room at that age. that is so sweet that they love one yet another a lot! i might want to, notwithstanding, merely placed bunks on your son's room and allow your daughter to sleep in huge brother's room and go away your daughter's room via the undeniable fact that is. this way each and every has a room of their own and at the same time as the time comes that one feels like they want area or privateness, they could have it. i'm guessing contained in the subsequent 2-3 years your son is going to wish to regulate the drowsing preparations. till then, savour!

Answer 9

Ok so this is what you have to do, get a recorder and whenever she starts to say something record it just incase she says something bad, also get a gps thing in her car that tracks where she is, and how fast she is going. Then when your husband doesn't believe you show him the gps stuff and let him listen to the recorder.

Answer 10

ok obviously she is a rebelious girl u should tell ur husband da way she acts and u shouldn't check up on her no more u should tell ur husband sum dings dat u will do like if i was u i would like not check up on her and stuff loosen up and if anyding geos wrong den tell ur husband dat u tried but ur husband wouldn't pay attention and den mayb just mayb sumtn has got to happen until she realizes wat she is doing and den she mytstart having sum respect if not den she myt still not b over her parents divorce and may b tryn to just take out her anger on u for dat