Age difference problem? What's up with that?

Question

I have a boyfriend whose about 4 years older than me. It's not exasctly legal so i've been wondering. Why is it such a big UH OH when a 40 year old man can date a 20 year old without there being so much as a no? Is it BECAUSE it's illegal that makes it such a big deal? And why is it illegal? If someone gets involved in a relationship they should know their limits and know what their getting into.

Also if I was immature I highly doubt a older guy would look my way which is usually what happens for me. And trust me it's not for my looks. I know I still have thing's to experience but than again there's kids' my age doing drugs. Personally I'd prefer to be with a older guy who'd prevent me from doing that sort of thing than with a guy my age who would be going. Come on give me head. And yes that does happen.

Answer 1

Girl be careful, and don't leave or keep any evidence.

Answer 2

It's illegal because it's wrong, not the other way around. You actually seem pretty mature, judging from the way you asked the question. However, you are not an adult yet, and there are a lot of things you simply don't know (and will be kicking yourself about once you discover them). I personally also have a problem with a 20 year old dating a 40 year old, because that 20 year old still has a way to go in his/her mental development. But most 20 year olds can at least demonstrate a semblance of adulthood (which is why we let them vote, etc.)

Answer 3

I am assuming that you're under the age of sixteen.
Tara these laws were made for the protection of young people, females in particular. I agree that the "statutory rape" laws should be changed so that a 16-year-old who has sex with his 15-year-old girlfriend shouldn't be a potential sex offender for the rest of his life. But, like it or not, teenagers don't always use the best judgement. A twenty-year-old woman is over the age of consent and can date a 95-year old man if she wants to.
The illegality of your situation DOES make it a big deal, Hon. The law is still the law, fair or unfair, and you don't want your BF facing potential charges that could go on permanent record. Hopefully, you don't have too much longer to wait 'til you're of age. Until then, please play it safe.

Answer 4

It is for the protection of the younger person. States set up age of consent statutes to protect children. These are somewhat arbitrary, as are all age driven laws.

The theory is young persons may be too easily persuaded by someone older. As young teens we tend to turn to older people (parents, teachers, ministers) to help with really tough decisions. But what if that person has too much of a personal stake? I may tell you that it's great to have sex if I'm the one you're going to have sex with. I may well put my desire above your well fare. Since I'm older and you trust older people, you may not be able to make a valid independent judgment. By age 18 (again arbitrary) the law assumes a person has sufficient maturity and experience to overcome the will of the older partner and make an independent decision.

You didn't say your age but I'll assume you are well under 18 and your boyfriend is over 18. I'm sure you're very mature for your age, but what about him? Think what it says about a young adult who is unable to relate to someone his own age.

Answer 5

That is because the person who is under eighteen is probably very easily influenced by the other. A 21 year old, for example, has seen a lot more than a 16 year old and would probably influence the younger person in regards to sex, etc.

Answer 6

Because if someone is underage it is easier for an older person to manipulate and control the situation and take advantage of the younger person. They have more experience and can really end up hurting them.

If you are the younger person in this "illegal" relationship, please be careful and don't do anything that could potentially harm you emotionally or physically. Or anything you could regret later in life....

Be careful..... Good Luck!!!!

Answer 7

Society over reacts about everything don't get to obsessed about what the people have to say. Your most likely hearing that 40 year old dating a 20 year old from People magazine or something with the celebrities. Don't listen to that crap. If you really like this guy than stay with him, people tend to just think it's a rape or molestation. It's rediculous.

Answer 8

This is just such a stupid question . . . why is there a speed limit . . . why is not OK to rob a bank if nobody gets killed. It is illegal because you are a MINOR. Quite often minors do NOT understand that there are consequences to their actions and only gain that with experience - which they can only get through growing up and developing with people their own age.

Answer 9

Yes it's because it's illegal.

The reason it's illegal, and you're not going to like this answer, is because, generally, people under the age of eighteen have no idea what it is good for them. They have little life experience and are prone to making rash and bad decisions. Due to this fact many older people like to utilize thier irrationality and take advantage of them.

Answer 10

Yay for common sense! You've got it!
There are other sociological rules that don't make sense. It's up to the individuals to determine if they can handle a relationship, not the law.
I look at it as a soft law that is there to protect younger people from older predators.

Answer 11

Yeah, good question, why is it illegal? Which country do you live in, Afghanistan? Iraq? Oh, or the US? :-D Over hear you can even date 18 y.o. girl without going to jail.