My two year old daughter starting pointing and screaming no at people very often, how do i stop this?

Question

She has become very bossy and hateful lately. We have tried time out and even resorted to whoopings and nothing is helping. I am expecting another baby in April and I want to get her in control before then.

Answer 1

So first of all, she's not crazy, she's just two. My own child-development mentor -- my aunt who owned and ran a preschool for 25 years -- explained it this way: from the time a baby learns to crawl they hear "no" -- no, don't eat the cat food; no, don't play with the scissors; no, don't pull the coffee pot on your head.

Well, by the time they're two, kids have this AMAZING mental growth spurt and realize they can SAY no as well as HEAR it. So two year olds go through a phase called the "terrible twos" when they try out this amazing power on grown-ups.

The key is consistency in whatever you do. What we did was take the kid OUT of wherever she was when she started with the "no no no" business and tell her as calmly as we could stand, "When you behave, you can go back." And if the "no" starts up again, you take her out again. Yes, it meant a few interrupted dinners and shopping expeditions, but it worked, and by the time our daughter turned three, she was a sweet, funny, and obedient little girl. We used to say that three-year-olds were nature's reward for not having strangled them when they were two.

The other key fact about two-year-olds is that they're trying to learn the limits of their power, the boundaries of what they can get away with. But here's the catch -- if you let her get away with it sometimes and not others, she will think that there are times when she CAN scream and times when she CAN'T. And that makes everybody's life hell, because what the typical 2 year old does is scream ALL THE TIME to see whether it's a time when she can get away with it or not.

So your job is to be consistent -- whatever you do to discipline your daughter (timeouts, picking her up and removing her from the area, whatever), do it ALL THE TIME. Because she's learning, from your response, when and where it's okay to scream.

The other key is to be as calm as possible. I know, it's really hard -- a kid's scream is THE most irritating noise in the universe. So remind yourself they're not out to get you, they're trying to learn what they can get away with, and be as calm as possible, but be consistent.

On the other hand, watch out for that April baby -- our second daughter was born in April (16 years ago) and she was sweet as pie at two but a real hellion at four, and she could get in a LOT more trouble at that age! :-) (She used to organize all the younger siblings at her big sister's Brownie meetings -- one night she had 'em all howling like wolves and crawling around a picnic table on all fours, while she knelt on the top of the table baying at the moon like the Queen of the Wolves. It was unforgettable...)

Answer 2

Perhaps you should stop pointing at her and yelling "no"...

Keep in mind you need to teach her correct behavior and not just correct bad behavior... teach her what she should be doing...

That being said sometimes you just don't reason with a 2 year old... nip the behavoir in the bud... then within a minute explain what they should be doing... or how they could do it better...

good luck

Oh... another trick I use... that I never had to use with my older one... was... bad DAD... Good DAD...

Punish her... followed by love... or... take the facial expression like you are going to scold her then be all loving and talk to her.. (freaks them out) but then after they think they are free... punish them with removal of a toy or something like that... or by making them sit in a corner for a minute...

Ok had to edit this it sounded too freaky... the idea behind the switch up nice good... good nice thing... is to deflect the anger... get the anger away... I like the nice followed by removal of toy or sit in the corner because it doesn't reward bad behavior yet it models calm proper behavior... not some freaky Dad yelling his head off...

Answer 3

I put a drop of hot sauce on my daughters tongue when she got fresh and that really helped - after the 1st couple times you didn't actually need to get it out - just threaten it. I tried the soap thing too but she liked the taste of that... strange little girl... LOL..

Anyway the hot sauce this is still controversial, but the main reason seems to be that maybe your child will have an allergic reaction to it - but what about in a couple years when you use it in their food?!?!? That doesn't make sense to me. DEFINITLY don't use more than a drop cuz if you're a wuss like me, it is SPICY... LOL. Anyway the therapy is sometimes referred to as "Hot tongue" by some and you may want to research it. But it works for a lot of parents but definitely has it's critics.

I would use it more as a last resort, and only if its directly relating to stuff that is coming out of her mouth. I wouldn't use hot sauce for making a mess or anything like that... just kind of as a reminder to watch her little tongue. But always followed it with lots of love and a glass of milk.

Answer 4

Quote:
"My two year old daughter starting pointing and screaming no at people very often"

I wonder where she learned this behavior from?

Perhaps you should read some parenting books or seek some council. I'm afraid whatever responses you get here will not solve the root problem.

Answer 5

Welcome to the terrible twos!

She is apparently mimicking the behavior of someone in the home or within the family. It is true that children do indeed learn from example.

The fact that you're expecting another child may attribute to her behavior as well, but I would expect jealousy to set in when the baby arrives.

She could also be testing you to see what she can get away with.

Try the Supernanny website. It might be able to give you advice and tips.

Answer 6

I had the same problem with my son when he was that age. It's normal. Try to ignore it. Do give her any feedback, whether it's negative or positive. Once she realizes that she isn't getting any attention for her actions, she will stop. Try getting her to act friendly and say nice things, rather than screaming.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

LOL...

I know a lot of kids like this...this is absolutely normal. Actually, I never really grew out of it, but anyway...you can ignore it. DOn't give positive or negative feedback to her...if she learns that this behavior gets me no attention and no love, she will stop. But when she is encouraged to be nice, and you reward her for doing something nice like saying "hi" or sharing, then you encourage her to drop the 'no' factor...

Answer 8

kids learn from their parents. If you yell and hit, she will yell and hit. Try to calmly tell her to stop and divert her attention to something positive. I spank my son at home, but in public I get his mind off the thing he is upset about. If he's screaming and yelling I'll act all excited about something and show it to him.
He immediately forgets what he was screaming about. Then when he is calm, I tell him that screaming at his mommy is wrong and make sure he understands. Good luck

Answer 9

Try to ignore it. If she doesn't quit and you have made it clear that you don't want her doing it, then pull down her diaper and spank her hard enough that it makes your hand sting. Embarrasment usually works. Don't spank her with the diaper on because that does not hurt.

Answer 10

you should take her favorite toy, or toys away from her and tell her when she's nice (for at least a day!) then she can have 1 toy back.