should I move on? Will we be backtogether? How can I start to enjoy college?

Question

I went out with this girl for 18 months. It was the most amazing time of my life. We were crazy about eachother. We talked about our future together, our house, our careers everything...call us crazy...but it was real. We never thought anything would stop us from being together. Then came college. We went from being together litterally everyday...to only seeing each other on the weekends. That was a huge change for us. I kinda freaked out and talked about transfering to a school closer to home. She started to act a little distant...I'd come home and we would only hang with her friends..no alone time anymore. I know she was just adjusting..but it was terrible. We knew things were new, different and weird..but we didn't want to give up. The thing is she did...when she told me this we were both balllling...sounds sappy but we were...and she said she still had hope but for now we both need to get used to our surroundings and be our own ppl. We havn't really talked much since

and she's very brief online when I try to talk to her on aim. I'm still in her top 8 on myspace though.. now it's been ... a couple months since the break up and I STILL think about her all the time. I miss everything I had with her... I know I have to move on but I don't want to give up. I want to giver her her time and space and let her come back to me cuz to be honest I've tried everything and that's all I can do. I've made a deal with my self to wait till June to totally move on. But I'm so unhappy right now. I dont think I'm totally depressed but maybe I'm getting there...I'm a very shy guy and it's tough for me to make friends....I dunno college just seems so lonely without this girl. I'm so hung up on her still. The strange thing is some one posted pics of her and her frineds on new years and she still had pics of me and her all over her room..she hasn't tried to contact me tho/??...Maybe she just wants alot of space right now.What do I do.PLEASE only serious and helpful answers

Answer 1

Rigby--You're a really sweet, generous and sincere guy. Not only would you make the perfect BF/husband for this girl in the future, but you would make the perfect BF/husband for any girl! What a prize, you are! Don't ever lose that special quality.
Now, on to your situation:
You say you shared EVERYTHING, but when the journey to college came knocking on your door, things changed for, not only you, but the both of you. You say that she was somehow caught off guard when you expressed switching to a local school, and that hang out times with her weren't the same anymore and that they only consisted of being with your friends rather than never having any quality alone time together.
This is a tough one--all a part of the many growing pains that teens like you have gone through in history and will continue to go through in the future.
I am an authority on tough love, kiddo, and I'll tell you upfront what I see. First off, I don't really sense that she understands what she's feeling right now about the adjustment. She seems a bit dismayed that you took the opportunity to go away to college at all. I am not saying, at all, that you should've anyway held yourself back and missed that rewarding opportunity as this is a once in a lifetime experience, being a teen and all. Everyone chooses his/her path in life. She chose, for whatever reason to take the path she took, as you did with your own path. She should be happy for you. What I really see that's lacking is that since she obviously doesn't understand what she's feeling (or maybe she does and just isn't confronting you with it), she's not voicing these feelings with you. If you cared for eachother that much, one would think that maybe she would sort of let you off the hook by confronting you. Maybe not. Depends on the kind of person she is. Maybe she's shy, too, and very reserved.
However, I would try to find a way to come to a place to really see through this and read between the lines, not so much to try to figure out her mixed messages and such, but to recognize that you're in a position that is really based on this wonderful opportunity to go to four years of college and begin your future. She, if she really cares about you, should really wish that for you.
As far as the feeling lonely part, you don't want, for anything, to slip into a depression. Get invoved in as many activities as possible and be in touch with ppl on many levels. It takes time to build friendships, so do this wisely. You're very bright and very warm. What a prize! I wish there were more young men like you around.
I am very happy that you were able to come on here and voice your concern in such beautiful detail. Not common for a teen to be so perceptive and have these words so well thought out and descriptive the way that you have them.
I hope that this much I have shared with you has helped.
Good luck in your endeavors and stay safe and free from harm.

Answer 2

It isn't true that most people start college right when they hit 18. There are some colleges at which the average freshman age is 27 or 28 (I don't know where the person who said that most athletes take a couple of years to get bigger or stronger got that information. Having taught hundreds of student athletes over the years, I've never met one who did that). Some people don't graduate from high school until they are 19, some spend time in the military before going to college, and others, like you, take time out either for financial or other reasons. I was 17, but I know plenty of people who were older. I would NOT recommend commuting 2 hours each way to go to college, though. That would mean spending 4 hours in the car that you could otherwise use studying, it means that you would just be going to class and rushing home, rather than becoming part of the campus community, and it almost guarantees that you won't finish.

Answer 3

U remember the dreams and the ideals of the relationship but i think that she doesn't!
I understand that you are a wonderful person(even if u didn't answer my e-mail) ,and that u loved her BUT sometimes we can make people stay in our lives no matter how hard we try!I am not trying to kill your emotions but she is slowly getting you to the point that you can do anything else except thinking about her...24/7!I do the same thing and it's not good for u....your heart breaks in all this tiny pieces every day...all over again..and each day u don't find a reason to wake up in the morning...but trust me your heart will heal, perhaps this was your first relationship that lasted so long and u truly and deeply love this girl...but don't wait until June....why waste all this tears to wait until June....Find the courage to pick up the pieces that she broke and slowly try to become yourself,become independent,become the person you where before...u changed when you were with this girl you matured..you have grown- up,use everything useful that she gave you to make your life better happier and most of all live for you live without depending on her....!
Have courage & believe in yourself...!=0)

Answer 4

Being in a situation much like this myself, the only thing you can really do is accept that you've grown apart and move on the best you can. It's not fair, and it's heartbreaking as hell, but there's not a whole lot that can be done about it. You've had to give something up to go to school, so don't let yourself down and do the best you can. Once you get done, maybe you can go back and knock her socks off. More than likely she'll have moved on, so don't expect this.

A hypothetical situation: Get an apartment up there, and get her up there also, to take a few classes - most colleges offer extended learning classes every now and then. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but hang in there.

Answer 5

I know you know all this and it is hard to hear and won't really help...but you need to move on. And you will move on when it is time for you to move on. But you need to make a bit of an effort. Don't allow yourself to wallow until June. It sounds like she has realized the full potential of college, and is ready to change (as she should be). If you are meant to be, you will get back together someday. But don't hold your breath. She has moved on. She may still like you and remember your time together fondly, and not want you out of her life completely, but that is not enough for you. Things change, that is the nature of life. It is time for you to actively embrace college. Join a club or organization--it will improve your social life and give you an opportunity to meet different kinds of people. Join two or three. You should not be standing still while all your high school friends are changing. I did that and it was a TERRIBLE mistake. Please don't allow yourself to regret this interesting time in your life. If you throw yourself into your studies and into activities and building new relationships and maybe a job, you will forget about what isn't going to be anymore a lot quicker. Don't let her use you when she comes back to visit either. Good luck:) Oh...and this too shall pass. It hurts like hell, but you will be a more interesting person for this, I promise. It is time to focus on yourself and not a girl....time to adapt and develop as a human being.

Answer 6

All the indications are that she is gone. People generally only need "space" if they are looking for a less painful way to end things. The main thing is to go out, make new friends and have some fun. If you can enter into a social life that "fits" you, you will find someone with similar interests/values. I would not wait any longer. Get on with your life. If some day she is interested again, you will be a better, stronger person and if she is not, then you will already be on your way to your next love.

Answer 7

I'd say to move on and find some friends and have a good time college is an awesome place to have fun and party. It only comes once in a life time then youhave to be a real adult. Just do your work and have a kick *** time. Stop worring about a girl. They are ALL over the world. Maybe someday you'll get back together. Just have fun...Life is to short.

Answer 8

listen its hard having a relationship when u can't really see that person, she was the one that gave up. maybe she thought it was too much for her, girls tend to want the guy all for herself. why don't u talk to her and see if there's really hope. don't waste ur time if there's no coming bk. talk to her and get this straight. dont wait for her to call u. get this out of ur mind once and for all. and if it doesnt work, enjoy college and have some fun. there's many girls out there. look i just broke up with my bf yesterday i'm not ok, but i know it will be. good luck!

Answer 9

ohh sweety.. this is what i think..
she still misses u and also hopes u two one day Will work out things that's why she has those pictures of you in her room..trust me right now even if she hooks up with anybody.. she will still be thinkin abt you.. everytyme he does something wrong, u will be in her head..
try to make UN effort to talk to her.. call her up...tell her still thinking abt her..such small things Will make her realize how much she really does miss you..show her that u still interested

Answer 10

maybe she is just trying to think of a way to make it work.
You are at collage around lots of girls and she probley thinks you are dating now that you broke up.
Let her know you are not.
You have my space start writing in your blog all the things you did that day.
Then maybe she will see you love her still and want to be together.