Have I lost my brother?

Question

My brother has just recently started to have an honest relationship with me, but it's been almost seven years sence i've talked with him. He's headed back to Iraq for the third time, but he's suffering from several combat issues that i'd rather not get involved in, but have listened to him. He's leaving in the middle of a nasty divorce which his wife is using his kids to screw with his head, and I have no idea where to start to help. The military won't kick him out, heck i've talked to his commander when he went awol, and he said that they won't dishonerably discharge him because of his job.

I made the mistake of drinking with him, and it was one of the most real life experiences i've ever had, then it scared the living daylights out of me. Have I lost my brother?

No, i'm not gay. Sorry just happily married to a blonde bombshell.

What i mean about real life experience is, I've only watched the war not have it right in my house!

okay, listen I really don't like to admit it, but watching what happens to a grown man snap in every way that you can remember him, sucks and thats what i mean by real experience, sorry you can't pull your head out of the gutter!

Answer 1

He's going through a tough time. Hopefully when the war ends, he will get back in to life just fine. War is tough on people, I have a military family and usually after a member fought a war their was an adjustment period because they did live through terrible things.

Answer 2

You haven't lost your brother, I think maybe you just found him. If you hadn't spoken with him in 7 years and then he opened up to you like that- WOW. If he is going through a divorce, and getting re-deployed, then you may be the only thing in his life that is good and stable right now.
If he is going through a divorce, ask him what you can do to help- he is gonna be freaking out if he thinks that his soon to be ex is doing nasty legal things while he's gone.
He might feel better about the situation if he knew that you were his "man on the ground". Maybe he can arrange a meeting with you and his attorney, so that you can sign a power of attorney for legal matters while he is deployed. Maybe you could arrange for his kids to have visitation with you and you your wife while he's gone. That make make him feel closer to them.
He is gonna feel a LOT better if he knows that there is somebody back home looking out for his kids besides his stb exwife.
I wish you both the best!

Answer 3

You will never understand...... live with it. The reason just going out drinking was great is that it was honest, a release and was what it was. Regardless of what you were told him going AWOL is an issue. Divorce while getting deployed on top of everything. Having that problem and being thousands of miles away.

You can't help. Send him some letters and let him know that regardless of what is going on you are there for him. That's it. Saying is "a distracted soldier is a dead soldier". He is going to hurt for a long time. Divorce and combat. It happened to me. Again just say you are there for him. It will work out one day once he gets home.

Answer 4

It almost sounds like the domestic issue holds precedent over any combat related issues, but together they can be volatile as hell.

As you said, his wife is using the kids to screw with his head, and he's helpless to do much about it. Divorce issues with kids can weigh pretty heavy on a guy, especially when his other commitments hold sway over his domestic problems.

Hopefully, for your brother and his kids they can get past this. Perhaps a letter from him to the kids could help his mindset. He needs to explain his position to his kids without his wife laundering his words. If he does this, maybe you can act as mediator, just to make sure the kids hear it from your brother, (even if it's in writing), and not through his wife

Answer 5

Sounds to me like your brother has some Post Traumatic Strees Disorder - which means that you should stop worrying about whether or not you lost your brother - and start thinking about the possibility that your brother may have lost himself. You need to encourage him to talk to someone - even if you go with him. He needs to talk to a professional. You can be as supportive as you want, and that is good - but sometimes you need to talk to some one who is a professional and seen other people go through this same trauma. Support him as much as you can, and then drop the idea that maybe he needs to talk to a professional.

Answer 6

PSTD is not easy to watch. If you are really Worried about him write a letter to his CO explain your concerns to him/her keep a copy for your records also keep in close contact with your brother. Ask him questions about his experiences tell him not to pull punches to tell you all. What you saw when he was drunk was a man who needs someone who will listen to him he and needs to vent. Go to a vet group and ask them to help help him. The Vietnam vets know what he needs and how you can help him. If you belong to a church have ask the congregation to help at my church we have nine sons and daughters in that part of the world and we pray for them and send gifts and cards to them all the time.

Don't listen to idiots who ask you if your gay love of a brother has nothing to do with sexual orientation has nothing to do with this Three tours in Iraq is allot and some of these guys are losing hope. Be there for him tell him he is loved no matter what remember each birthday and holiday also spend time with your nieces and nephews tell them what a great guy their father is but always keep contact keep contact and pray that he doesn't lose hope.

I know that I may seem to ramble but I've seen to many families who have abandoned loved ones and been abandoned by loved ones in circumstances like this.

I alway remember a quote at time like these "Though there be darkness still there is light because ther is hope." I can't remeber who said it but it seems to work.

Good luck with your brother and god protect you and your love for your brother.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds as if your brother is suffering from battle fatigue or post combat syndrome also.
Poor guy doesn't know where to turn; you haven't lost a brother, he's just confused and needs help.
Can you get him to a doctor before he goes back to Iraq?
Perhaps you can get him to a VA hospital?

Answer 8

Just because people change, doesn't mean you lose them. I changed after I came back from the war according to others (wife, kids, family), and personally I don't see it, but they didn't just chaulk me up as lost. They realized I had changed, and not on a temporary basis either, excepted it and were all moving on.

Answer 9

No, your support could be the one thing that keeps him from going over the edge. Don't give up, let him know you love and respect him and will always be there.

Answer 10

I did not understand the last part, what does it has to do with the rest of your question?

Anyway, just be there for him.