The floor fell out from under my feet when after two years of what I thought was a good relationship my boyfriend told me that he was seeing my close girlfriend ( I believe he put it as a “midlife” crisis). It suddenly made sense why she had been asking me so many questions about Bob and our relationship. Bob is forty-eight and she is thirty-six, which in his own words an ego-trip for him. I am Bob’s age and have no trouble being dateable if that would be what I want but ….. Cindy, who I have tried to mentor in the past, has had a drug issue and numerous affairs with men and as a result has a sexually transmitted disease (which makes it impossible in Bob’s eyes for there to be anything physical between them – and knowing Bob’s character, I believe him). She is getting help and told my boyfriend that she just wanted a “friend/maybe someday lover relationship”.
After not seeing each other for a period of time, Bob told me he loved me and couldn’t forget me but wanted to be emotionally supportive of her. So, I accepted their friendship for awhile even though needless to say, she and I have lost our friendship.
. But after time I came to be aware that I love him way too much and hurt over the fact that he continues to tell me that he wants us to be old together but still has the “attraction that he doesn’t understand for her”. She thinks that we are not seeing each other and because of the “friendship circle” of all of our friends that don’t support my continuing to let Bob hurt me, Bob and I agreed to keep our relationship a secret from the world until we knew exactly what we wanted (why hear the “I told you so”s?) Bob continues to lie to me and to her (because as he says -he doesn’t want to hurt either one of us and feels caught in between a cat fight). I know that the whole situation is very unhealthy and I ask myself why I still love him, but inexplicably I have fallen hard.
I finally told him that I couldn’t hurt any longer and that by making his choices he has made mine. He asked me for a week’s grace period for him to have time to tell her that he is still in love with me. I told him that after that time, if he didn’t tell her I would. The reason? I feel resentment toward them both…Her because of the deception and the fact that she tells Bob all the reasons why I’m bad for him. Him because I know in my heart he loves me but not enough. I know Bob won’t “ step-up”, the relationship is over. I need closure. She has told Bob that if he sees me it will be over with her. I hurt so much…. why should I let him be able to still look good in her eyes. I know it’s immature of me to want to strike back To have her hurt like I was when she went behind my back and asked him out in the first place?
Should I let it go and walk away?
2007-01-25 07:55:55 · 22 answers · asked by roxie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You already know you have to walk away. Why would you want to stay with a man that will not "step up" and love you enough to make a firm decision? The hard part is letting it go. I'm sure you are experienceing a wide range of emotions. Humiliation, regret, sadness, and resentment can take their toll. Let yourself feel what you feel, seek out a good friend you can vent to. Just don't do anything you know is petty. In the long run, you'll feel much better knowing you did exactly the right thing. You'll give neither one of them any reason to feel anything but remorse at the way they treated you. I assure you, when Bob wakes up and gets tired of playing the savior role (and I'm sure the way she makes him feel like her "rescuer/hero" is the impetus behind their relationship), he will realize what he's lost. She will realize that he misses you. Simply being classy and moving on is going to vindicate you. In this case, living well truly is the best revenge, you might just have to wait for it.
2007-01-25 08:11:12 · answer #1 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dude you are 47 GROW UP ALREADY!!!
Yes you should let him walk away. If he really cared about not hurting either of you he would not have gotten involved with her in the first place. Also, Emotional Relationship? What the crap is that? He should not have an "emotional relationship" with ANY WOMAN other than you, period end of story.
I can't believe that at your age, you haven't figured this out. This is want I expect from a 17 year old- "like I totally found out that my bf was like totally into my best friend and like I totally cried and blah blah blah, But I still like totally love him and after all love is like totally everything, if I love him enough he will like totally do a 360 for me, huh"
No he is not going to change. If you have to hide the relationship, then I am pretty sure it is NOT right.
AAHHHHH!!!!
2007-01-25 08:14:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey!
Its been over and even if you get him back you will never get over what he has put you through, and the revenge against her will only be a temporary feel good for you because he has had you hanging on incase this other relationship didnt work FOR TO LONG!this is both of there faults. So get yourself out of there lives so you can have yours back.It might seem like it's going to be hard but it can't be harder than what they have been putting you through. I hope this helps you in some way.
GOOD LUCK
2007-01-25 08:10:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sometimes YES sometimes NO. Pregnancy signs are the same as signs of a period coming so sometimes it's very hard to tell. tHE VERY BEST way to know is to wait till a period is late and do a hometest. I was 7 weeks before i found out with my daughter I NEVER felt sick pregnant sore boobs ANY SIGNS of pregnancy but, a + test. With this pregnancy before my period was due i felt hot, irriated, crampy, sore boobs, everything smelled terrible. All pregnancy are differnt even if a women is having no signs and a period is late it's best to test.
2016-05-23 23:17:21 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he ever loved you he wouldn't be doing this TO you hun. Let him go. Find another that will be there for YOU because this guy obviously can't. If you allow him to do this now, don't you think he will do it again? And again? For your own peace of mind, let it go, let him go. She may have went behind your back and asked him out but he was supposed to have loved you and therefore he showed have gracefully declined. Mid-life crisis? No. He has both of you twisted. This is not healthy hun! Please move on and find someone that will be faithful to you. I know it hurts but you are the only one that can correct this situation. *smile*
Good luck to you!
2007-01-25 08:41:07 · answer #5 · answered by _Savage_ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, dear heart, LET IT GO and walk away. Don't seek revenge by telling her anything. She AND He are equally culpable here and neither is committed to have a mature; honest and respectfully loving relationship with you.
The 'love' will wane....trust me and you will be better for the experience and one day meet the REAL Mr. Right.
Take care -you really sound like a very nice woman
2007-01-25 08:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by sage seeker 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YES!!!! How can then even be a question? You have to love your self first and by letting your feeling take control of your mind, your not loving yourself.... Hurting is not fun, don't let people walk all over you realise you are worth more.No one will love you like you will.
Good luck.
2007-01-25 08:19:00 · answer #7 · answered by marie c 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, the most innocent one in a relationship ends up getting most of the pain from it. I think you should just move on and look for something more stable and solid. Best of luck to you.
2007-01-25 08:04:34 · answer #8 · answered by Rod Rod Go 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't walk away
RUN AWAY.
They are both hipicritical pathetic losers.
He is full of himself.
For your emotional health don't let either of them hurt you or fool you.
Good Luck
2007-01-25 08:04:00 · answer #9 · answered by Life Is Amazing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
RUN!!!
He's using the both of you.
Can you approve a man who treats your friend the way he's treated the both of you?
Don't let the door hit you in the derierre, girl.
2007-01-25 08:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋