I am 24, been with my hubby for about 3 years. However, one thing is wrong- he thinks all women should be a perfect mother, like his apparently was. She is a great lady, has had a career thruout having children (shes an accountant). She also cooks all the family meals (she is an amazing from scratch cook), cleans her house to a shine every day, does everybodys laundry, remembers all birthdays, anniversaries, and to send out get well soon cards to people who are sick. She also works 8-10 hours a day, and works out at the gym every other day. Her house is immaculate, her cooking amazing, and she is the nicest lady ever.
The issue is- my boyfriend grew up with this as a role model, and now we fight a lot about how I don't cook every night, clean every day, remember to send cards, etc. We have a 4 yo son, and I am 4 mos preg. Yes, our house is CLEAN, but toys all over. Laundry is done, but not folded right away. How do I get him to see that I'm not as together as his mom?!
2007-01-25 07:24:48 · 10 answers · asked by melaniecampbell 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mother-in-law is not perfect: you did not grow up with her and have never lived in the same house, and we all know that there are secret flaws to everyone. She's just better at hiding it than most.
Accounting is a profession with relatively movable workhours, so she may have been able to work after the kids went to bed. You cannot be blamed if your career is not as flexible. And don't forget how much more there is to do nowadays than there used to be - kids' classes, your own responsibilities.
Spend some time with her and ask her what her "secret" trick is to having it all. You might not be aware of how much support her husband gave her and your husband might not even know. Heck, she may have had a maid come in while all the kids were at school. If you two have a closer relationship, there will not be the same sense of competition between you, and she might even be willing to help you out at home.
Ask your husband to help you out with things you can't get done; create a master calendar for the kitchen with birthdays and such and build a "card box" with birthday, Christmas, thank-you, sympathy, etc, cards that are on hand and can be sent out at a moment's notice.
If you can afford it, find a "mother's helper" to come in: this is someone who spends even just a couple hours a week with you, under your supervision, and can mind your son while you vaccum, do laundry, or whatever - this is a great job for preteen girls in the neighborhood, who are more than happy to work for just a few dollars an hour.
Good luck, and remember - she's a woman, not a saint.
2007-01-25 09:10:37 · answer #1 · answered by Mysterious Gryphon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not get your mum-in-laws help on this one. Have a word with her and tell her about your problem. If she's as nice and clever as you say she'll help you find a solution. There might be something you're better at you know! Your hubby should be reminded of the reasons he chose you....was it only to be a perfect housekeeper/mother,?. Your mother in law is one in a million, but not many people are that organised or have that kind of energy - does your husband? HE'S her son - so shouldn't HE take after her? What does he do to help? Ask him if he'd grown up with a lazy mum would he have expected the same of you? His reasoning is so immature. So you and your mum-in-law should get your heads together in secret and find a way to get through his rather thick head. Oh mum-in-laws have a lot to account for...please teach your little sons to be self reliant before they go out into the world and start making their nice spouses miserable.
2007-01-25 15:47:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remind your husband that your relationship is a partnership. He married you not his mother, and nice as she is you are your own person. As long as you are a good role model and mother to your children, housework can wait, it is not the most important thing in the world, the saying is a tidy house isn't a home. Ask your husband to take your child out for a few hours at the weekend for bonding time, while you catch up on any chores you feel need doing, or involve your hubby and child in doing them with you. Speak to your mother-in-law for any tips she may have, you never know she may even offer to help you out every now and again, especially as you are pregnant.
Whatever else you do, try to have a bit of YOU time every now and again, and try not to stress about it, its not good for you or the baby.
Maybe show your question to your hubby, just so he understands how you truely feel. Sometimes the written word is easier to say than the spoken one.
2007-01-25 15:49:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh hell this sounds JUST like my husband! I can't cook at all and the last straw was when he suggested I go spend a week with his mom so she could teach me how to cook. I just said if he missed his mommy so much he could get the hell out and move back in with her and I'm doing the best I can and I'm not his damn mother and if she's so great why didn't he marry her? Looking back I got a little carried away but it worked.
2007-01-25 15:50:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear departed ex-husband used to say "The last perfect person got nailed to a cross."
Tell your husband that times have changed and to get his but into the kitchen and help out with meals, get hustlling with the the laundry. Divide up the chores and get this guy into the 21st century.
2007-01-25 15:49:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you are going to call his mom and tell her that he didn't learn a thing from his upbringing! Why can't he do everything like his mom?! He should have that house spotless! And have everything labeled and organized! PLEASE He needs to get over it or do it himself! I would love to be like his mother but I'm not and I sure ain't going to lose any sleep over it!
When I have unexpected company I just tell them to excuse the mess but my husband hasn't done a thing all day!!!!!!!!!!!!
You should ask your mother in law if she could change one thing in her life what would it be? I'm sure she would have at least one thing on her list, maybe more. The important thing is having a happy, healthy family and the day my kids started walking they started helping around the house and that includes the husband! It is okay to be pampered once in awhile but we need to take care of ourselves too. Ask yourself what is more important, cleaning that out of the way linen closet or spending time with your child and husband. Good Luck
2007-01-25 15:56:25 · answer #6 · answered by Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that she has had twenty-something years to learn all of this. And hopefully by the time you get her age, you will have it figured out also.
2007-01-25 16:17:03 · answer #7 · answered by happygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would ask not to be compared to her.
She does sound awesome, does she give classes...I would attend...hahe.
I would tell him that you respect his mother and that she is awesome however it will take many years for you to even get to her level of efficiency.
and.....remind him that you married him because you loved him not because of what he can do.
Best wishes
2007-01-25 16:26:36 · answer #8 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him Did he marry you because he loves or or because he was looking for a monther????? And why can't he help cook, clean,..etc...
2007-01-25 15:40:46 · answer #9 · answered by Bridgette B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Compare him to someone "perfect" that you know and ask him why can't he be more like this person? What's his problem anyway?
2007-01-25 15:43:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋