Is it possible to do a retroactive abortion, 28 years after the birth?

Question

This is for parents of adult children.

How often does your adult child call you about how now she or he and the spouse have been working for six months on a job and now think they deserve to own a home, new car, or some other expenive item? Then, 24-hours later, is calling you because their gas got turned off and they need to "BORROW" money..................................................

Sorry, the A.I. Module in the computer started laughing at the idea that my daughter actually said she is going to pay it back.

Borrow money to pay the bill, and send it back tomorrow.

In the 80s, the courts figured fathers are not necessary in the lives of their children, so all my parenting has been taking place after they became adults and realized that their mother was keeping them away.

Only the youngest does this, and she can play the grandchildren card. The oldest stopped doing it five years ago and is now self sufficient.

Six days and counting, not paid back yet.

Answer 1

Okay hold up in my defense (I am the daughter) it was not the gas it was the water and it was because the stupid gas company screwed my bill all up and I had to pay 500 to them so my 60 dollar water bill got pushed to the side. I try not to ask you for money very often and you are getting paid back today (Fri) since I got paid today. You can tell me no you have before and I just except it. No need to want to have a retroactive abortion on me.

Answer 2

I am not the parent of an adult child, but I am a parent. I can look back on some of that stupid stuff that I have done. lol.

I remember we were trying to buy a trailor home and this old man comes in lays money on the desk and tells the guy he wants a tripple wide trailor he had it in a couple days it took us six months to get through the process. I thought we deserved to be able to do what that guy was doing, and was a bit jealous, but these days I wonder what kind of rough life he went through to get to where he was and how many tea bags did he use how many times.

LOL Abortion 28 years later

Answer 3

I will honestly tell you I have borrowed money from my mom only twice and she has been paid back in full each time. Once was for down payment on a car and once because I was starting a new job and we only got paid once a month. My bosses daughter has gone through 3 husbands so far (4 kids later) probably collects more in child support than I make a month and is constantly calling for money and favors. But she does have a nice new pair of boobs. Priorities and common sense, guess they arent' inherited. Time to close the first national bank of dad. As long as you let her abuse your finances she will and she will never learn any financial responsibilty on her own.

Answer 4

I can so relate to this. I have finally reached the boiling point. I finally figured out I have to quit enabling the children. They need to grow up at some point. Both of them have done this, I am anxiously awating the day when they figure out that I don't have a limitless income. I am only a church secretary. They have both called their dad with needs, but he very rarely comes through with any kind of help. Hearing them say they are going to pay back is definitely laughable. I have even gone so far as to write up repayment agreements for both kids. I emailed them and requested a signed copy back from both. That was 3 months ago, both kids must have misplaced my address!! I had to learn to JUST SAY NO. In reality I don't have it, but I have always found ways to help them out anyway. Amazing what we will do for our children. If anyone has a good answer to all of this I would love to hear it.

Answer 5

Too late for the abortion lol
I am so sorry for you being deprived of your children's youth. Even with the friction of divorce, I still feel that children need both parents.
I was the mother who raised her children without their father--but they knew their father very well and I am so glad that they did. But Mom is the one who still stands by them and will help them in a heart beat. And I have found through no extra money and their relationship with their father--you cannot buy love. Do you feel that your daughter loves you more for your finiancial help.
Good luck to you.

Answer 6

No need to kill the child.

Not the child's fault.

It goes back to the beginning.

Your responsibility in the beginning was not fulfilled adequately.

( I do not say this out of any idea of superiority. Believe me I have made my own mistakes and lots of other people's mistakes as well! I have simply learned that virtually everything relates to personal responsibility.)

Primarily it is about chosing the right partner with whom to have children, and not having sex, and certainly not reproducing until the "right" person is found. The "right person" being the person to whom one can make a lifetime commitment and with whom one will make the sacrifices to be there to rear children to at least adulthood if not life long.

(Nope, surprisingly enough I am not of any sort of "puritan" or fundementalist background, quite the opposite in fact, however, these are the most responsible choices one can make in order to produce a quality child, who is themself responsible and considerate and who operates in an ethical manner and will in turn benefit society. Not saying that children who come into being through result of many types of poor parent choices absolutely cannot become ethical citizens and participants in society, just that they do not have the optimal start in that direction.


Then the best thing a man can do for his children is to love thier mother. (and of course this entails a great deal that follows it)

When he does this, he is there to do his part in the parenting and is far less likely to be seen as solely a bankroll.

Perhaps you might offer to pay for some sort of personal money management training as a "gift" for your adult child. If they will make good use of it. Of course it is harder to repair a situation rather than make it right in the first place.

You always could loan the money, keep track of the loans with actual legal documents, and collect with legal means, or on gift giving occasions, make a "gift" of forgiveness of a part of the loan equal to what you might have willingly given as a present. No gift wrap necessary. Not the ideal, but if you want to help in a crisis and still hold them responsible. Economic tough love. Can be hard on relationships, right when it is especially tempting for young adults to sever parental ties.

Mine at 26, has turned a once catastrophic economic life around and does not call for bail outs.

Answer 7

LOL You're not the only one I've known who has asked this question. It is so funny. I've often said that my son is a poster child for birth control. I videotaped him having a tantrum when he was a toddler. When my husband asked me why, I replied that if I ever thought about popping out another baby that I'd watch the tape! LOL Is your computer module rolling around on the floor holding its stomach?
How nice that she's so responsible that she pays her bills! LOL

Answer 8

Where did they learn this kind of behavior? Are you saying they are asking you to help them with a house or car? I don't know where that comes from. If they have a job, they can buy their own stuff right? Pay their own bills? It's about being independent. I have enough to take care of myself. If I had to support grown kids, I'd never make it.

Answer 9

Funny Question! However we all need some help sometimes. I still do and I have a great job and am over 40!. Just remember this... While you are trying to cut her off. She maybe the one that gets stuck taking care of you in your old age! Now, do you want her to remember that you helped her in her times of need just before she cooks your {poisoned} dinner or that you refused to help!

Answer 10

Errrr..."retroactive abortion", in some newsgroups, is slang for "murdering your unwanted child sometime after birth." Kind of an unfortunate choice of words, there, Papa Bear.

The way to wean your adult child off the parental money teat is easy:

Say NO.

Stand in front of the mirror, and say, NO.

"DADDDDDDEEEE, DADDDDDDDEEEEE, I NEED NEED NEED MONEEEEEEEY!"

"No."

"But DADDDDDDDEEEEE....!"

"No. I will not give it to you."

"But our gas is getting turned off!"

"Cook food in the microwave. Live on cereal with milk. Pay your bill and get the gas turned back ON, like a responsible human being, and then make a BUDGET next month, silly goose."

Stand FIRM. Say NO.

Once they get it through their heads that they can't sponge off you, they'll adjust.