aRE THERE ANY STEPPARENTS WHO HAVE A PROBLEM LOVING THEIR STEPCHILDREN?I have a 4 year old stepdaughter whos mother abandoned her. We got her two years ago.At the time she was extremely undisciplined. I was pregnant with my 3rd child and she would throw fits and kick me in the stomach, she would hurt my daughter who was 6 months at the time, she would bite and kick, we couln't brush her teeth or wash her hair without her screaming and kicking and hitting us. She would go into the cabinets and eat anything at any moment, wrappers and all, It was like she was raised by wolves- seriously.I've worked with her and shes much better now, we only have problems now and then.The problem is that Ican't seem to love her like I do my own children.Is it because of my first impression of her, or is this normal for a stepmom?I'll be her mommy for life, but I can't establish that inner bond like what came naturally with my own kids. Anyone else been through this? How do I find that bond???
2007-01-25 06:56:13 · 9 answers · asked by Choco_Taco25 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
my dear - i can only imagine if i was the dad of this child and married into a situation like yours - i am a step dad and love my stepson - i so respect you for trying to find a way to be closer to her. pls open your heart and try to look at life thru the eyes of this child. are you fully aware of what her mother might have done to her/ abuse? take time out - difficult with so many children and a pregnancy i know, and plan a "yours and hers only' activity together once a week, when she knows she is only yours. build arelationship just betweenthe two of you. genetics doesn't create a good mother, loving and acceptance does. open your heart and give her some of yours. maybe you see her, even if you don't want to, as a disruption and complication in your life - try to get over that - you state yourself that she has improved leaps and bounds - continue the self esteem building and love - love - love her.
2007-01-25 07:14:02 · answer #1 · answered by warr31 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's normal to feel that way. I have a 10 yo stepdaughter who's mom abandoned her 4 years ago. I love her because she is a part of my husband, but that's it. I get nothing but disrespect from this child who lives in my home. I do nice things for her all the time...at least I think they're nice. I've offered to do girly things with her...just the 2 of us...and get shot down every time. I have 2 little boys (4 and almost 2) and I love them dearly...would lay down my own life for them....but if I were asked to do the same for my SD, I'd refuse. Don't kick yourself. If you think it's worth the time and effort, keep trying. She's still young enough to change. I am still trying with mine although it seems to be a lost cause.
2007-01-27 02:54:38 · answer #2 · answered by Carol S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok........put this in perspective...she is 4! how would you feel if your mom left you when you were so young? It sounds like she is acting out, and all she really wants is love, and I am sure she does NOT feel it from you. Kids are very perceptive, even at a young age. You, are going through "attachment" with her, and she is not allowing it. It takes time. Be kind to her, she is a baby still, she probably feels so alone, there is no one else like your mother......and if you are lucky enough to find another woman in your life that makes you feel strong, secure, safe and loved, you are truly blessed. Be patient, try and get her some counceling or help and yourself as well. Be the best stepmother you can possibly be, and "maybe" start "thinking" she is your "own".
2007-01-26 02:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely feel like that almost every day of the week. Mine just turned 11 though. It's hard because her mother is still in the situation but I'm going to personal therapist twice a month to deal with it and I spend as much time with her as possible. I have a hard time with that bond because I dont have it either but I love her to death. I hope things will work well for you and look me up any time you wanna talk. A great website is www.clubmom.com check it out
2007-01-25 07:07:06 · answer #4 · answered by slhurd 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel right with you. My stepdaughter is ok with me but, I don't have that bond with her either, but, I do love her. But just not like my own child. Her mother is still in the picture also. I relaly don't know how to help you with the bond situation because feel the same way about my stepdaughter all I can say is good luck.
2007-01-25 08:12:00 · answer #5 · answered by dimples1212 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what it's like to be on your side, but I am a step child for two different parents (one marrige, had me, then divorced, then both remarried, then both had more kids, 6 total). Some times I wonder about stuff like that, but they're all nice and love me. My stepmom and I didn't used to get along at all for like 5 years, but then I got older and more mature (I'm 16 now) and we're more of friends. My step dad is more like a dad to me though. I don't know if my stepmom had a hard time loving me at first, because I know I didn't like being with them for the time that I had to and I bet I didn't make it all that easy on her either.
All this makes it a lot different then your situation, but I hope and pray that it'll get better for you and her. Like with me, it took a long time and that time had to be endured.
Sorry if this doesn't help any.
2007-01-25 07:14:06 · answer #6 · answered by me 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My step son is that way along with his mom and step dad. he's 7 and has in no way positioned his palms on the two of them. yet he's very defient at situations. His step father is a diabetic so he wears an insulin pump. My step son contained in the previous has threatend to tear it out, has tried putting the abode on fireplace, is amazingly propose to the dogs's, and consistantly lies approximately issues. i do no longer comprehend if that's purely a piece youngster's pass by way of or what. additionally it would not help that his mom and step dad are not very large to him the two. They yell at him invariably and get in touch with him names that are no longer very age ideal plus threatens to punch him in his face. so as that is a component there too. Do you have your doorstep son finished time or in basic terms partial time?
2016-09-27 23:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by lichtenberger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I used to hate my "dad's wife" but now we are okay, although she will never take the place of my own mother, sometimes just the 2 of us go out somewhere special so you can try that...
2007-01-25 07:09:13 · answer #8 · answered by helen_way05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fake it til you make it.
2007-01-25 07:02:04 · answer #9 · answered by Heather Y 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋