I'm seeing a guy (long-distant) we're not officially in a relationship cuz of the distance i.e. we haven't discussed monogamy. He told me he's slept with a woman, not once, but twice. He said he's done this cuz he thinks cuz of my 'high sex drive' that I'm sleeping around also. What's so funny bout the whole thing is that he wants a relationship. Is he trying to make me think about this other girl sleeping with him, so I am more inclined to secure a relationship with him?! I told him last night, that if she wants to f**k him again, then she's gonna have to ask me for permission, he said "I will do that and asked since when did you become boss?!". Is he taking this seriously? what do you think I should do? I don't want to end it with him.
2007-01-25 06:43:39 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I really want to be with him! To be honest, I've slept with someone behind his back but I'm not telling him. Do you think I should talk to him about everything I want? also, at least he's being honest unlike me!
2007-01-25 06:44:15 · update #1
Please dont diss me, this is serious.
2007-01-25 06:50:12 · update #2
First, you are not married to this guy - why should you tell him everything. You never tell everything because it will rear its ugly head to bite you just when you are getting comfortable. If you are not in a relationship I don't see the point of any of this. It seems like you are placing the cart before the horse. What's going to put the relationship into motion. A relationship must be first established. Never allow someone to coerce you into doing anything because of someone else or what they are doing. It should be based on your desire. OK, you say that you desire to be with. Establish a relationship!!!! and then set the parameters for the relationship. How often do we see each, are others off limits??, do I come there or you to me or do we alternate???? Is it a reasonable distance. Long distance relationships are very difficult and do not work unless there is sincere dedication and commitment on both parties part. remember desperation is unhealthy. If at any time you begin to feel desperate, slow your roll, take stock of your feeling stepping back from the situation to see what is going on. Never become desperate. Seek peace in all your actions. You say that you don't want to end it with him but want to know is he telling you this to make you secure a relationship with him? Doesn't make sense. If you don't want to end it with him, why would there be a need for him to do or say something to make you secure the relationship??????? If you have a high libido you better bring it under subjection. Its dangerous out there and you have only one life and that is the one that you are living now. Remember that you are a vessel of sacred worth and deserve to be treated with respect at all times. Treasure your libido. It is a gift from God and meant to be used within the right context. Ask God to send you the person that He desires for you and ask Him (the LORD) to guide every moment of the relationship. I am serious about this. You don't want anyone that sleeps around, he is not that good!!!1 No man is. You deserve someone that teats you like a queen and loves you with passion, deep love, security, protection and provision. Hold on for your king. Ciao
2007-01-25 07:01:21 · answer #1 · answered by Nia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you desire monogamy, then he needs to be told this.
Don't assume that he knows what you want.
If he desires you and another female, and you desire
monogamy, then neither of you want the same thing.
In order for the two of you to stay together, both of you have to love each other enough to do one of two things:
1 Either forsake all other, if that is what you want.
2 Or accept his being not monogamous.
Either way you have to tell him what you really desire.
Your sex drive is not why he slept with the other woman.
His own heart and mind settled that.
If you're hurt that he did this, you owe him no further explanation. He cannot use any thing you did after the fact to justify himself.
I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm not sure monogamy is
for every one, or the only deal in town.
If his sleeping with the other really hurt you, he's not
going to know or care unless you tell him.
Matter of fact, ask him whether he loves you.
That is what I think should settle the whole matter.
2007-01-25 11:12:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not officially in a relationship then he makes up the rules. Do what is right for you and what makes you happy. This clearly isn't making you happy and you need to clarify the relationship status with him either way. Long distance is difficult and men do have needs, but he thinks you're sleeping around and therefore he's doing this out of his own insecurities. Pride or what have you. Seems to me he's attention seeking and teasing making you chase him telling him that you don't like him doing this and that. Either way talk it through with him.
2016-03-29 02:18:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are not in a relationship so you both can choose who to sleep with. Did you ask him about other women? If not, you call him telling you about this woman being honest? Even though he did ot do anything wrong since you two do not have a committed relationship, I find him telling you being rude. What purpose was it for him to tell you? Obviously he has no concern for your feelings or he just felt comfortable telling you this because he looks upon you as just a friend. You had no right making a comment about expecting the other woman to ask your permission next time he sleeps with her. You do not want to end what? You yourself said you two are just friends, not committed relationship. If you want more from him my guess is he likes things just the way they are. Hope I helped you in some way.
2007-01-25 06:54:04 · answer #4 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a long distance relationship but we are in a serious relationship. And the most important part of a relationship like this is communication. It is the ONLY way a LDR will work. You both have to lay out on the table what you want, what is acceptable and where if anywhere you want the relationship to go in the future. If you do not do this, then it is just a waste of time, because it will not work out.
2007-01-25 06:53:04 · answer #5 · answered by jam_psb 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems as if you both have a lot of growing up to do. I know that it can be hard to obstain from physical release during a long distance relationship, but you need to consider what would make it any different if you were actually together? I think you both need to think about moving on until you can physically be in the relationship, cut your loss, and move on.
2007-01-25 06:49:55 · answer #6 · answered by mvngs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What I think is you should come clean just like him. And maybe next time you talk to him you two make a pack that no matter what, if you start a relationship that both or you shouldn't be sleeping with other people.
2007-01-25 06:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he is being really honest or he is trying to push the issue of a relationship, hoping you get jealous and tell him he can't. I think you need to be honest with him about your activity and the two of you need to decide what is going to be allowed and not allowed.
2007-01-25 06:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should just leave each other alone - and meet other people closer to home if you are cheating on each other what is the point of trying to have a relationship
2007-01-25 06:50:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This relationship is off to a good start. How old are you 2 again??
2007-01-25 06:49:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋