My niece spends alot of time with me and my daughter who's 7mo. every day in fact for around 10 + hours a day since my daughter was born. well lately when we'er at the store, i get questions about the baby alot and of course unknowing people ask my niece (she's four) if she's my daughters big sister, she says yes. and ocasionally has taken to calling me mommy (i think it is because i always refer to myself as mama to my daughter) and started calling my daughter her sister (she's an only child) well her parents got divorced around when my daughter was a new born, and her mother moved away a couple months ago about 300 miles away, they still talk and she still loves her mother of course, i wouldn't think to replace her mother, but i tell her Onora (my daughter) can be her sister if she wants her to be, and i don't really say anything when she calls me mommy. am i handling this right? I know she's in alot of pain, i don't want to add too it.
2007-01-25 06:34:08 · 8 answers · asked by Kitterkat 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
her father is around as much as possible, she lives with him, but he's a union carpenter and works long hours which is why she's with me so much.
Also she usually calls me by my first name, i kinda think she's trying out this mommy business to see how i'll handle it.
2007-01-25 07:14:12 · update #1
My sister had some "grandpas" that were just male friends of the family because she felt the lack of not having one herself when she was very small. It didn't hurt.
Also my niece age 2 calls me "the momma" and her mom "mom". And we rarely see each other but my baby is "the baby" so I am "the momma". My mom also says at daycare all the kids would call all the moms "mom" when I was little.
However you should discuss this with both parents you wouldn't want to add stress to an already stressful situation by offending people.
2007-01-25 06:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems like you are pretty much raising your niece. If you feel comfortable with her calling you mom and your daughter sissy then just explain to her that you are not her mommy. She might be in alot of pain but some day she will realize she has a mommy and you are her "mommy" and she will be all kinds of confused. If you are willing to take on the role of mom then you are handling it well.
2007-01-25 14:47:17 · answer #2 · answered by MyOpinionMatters 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be honest, I would explain to her in a very loving and gentle way that you are not her mom . She is just a little confused, that's all. You could think of a sweet nickname she could call you like Auntie or something like that. I would also tell her that your daughter is her cousin, not her sister. It's a very confusing time for her right now and facts about how you fit into her life would be very comforting. It's not going to hurt her feelings, if anything it will make her feel more comfortable because she will not be going back and forth trying to figure out who her mom is...
You are doing a wonderful job, though. :)
2007-01-25 14:58:27 · answer #3 · answered by ♥sweet♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations for stepping up to the plate and spending so much time with her - she needs that. I'd love to tell you I have the answers but I don't. Is there any chance you could adopt her and then you would be her mommy? If not - talk to a family counselor, pediatrician, minister, etc. on the best way to explain family dynamics to her. Good Luck.
2007-01-25 14:46:00 · answer #4 · answered by cando 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be sure to remind her about her mommy and maybe share a memory... something special.
To her you are in place of a mother and that is probably why she has taken to that, she needs "mommy" around but because off all she has been through this past year you may be her way of healing...
As long as you make sure she knows she has a mommy other than you she shouldn't be harmed.
It is harder to undo than to prevent.
2007-01-25 14:44:21 · answer #5 · answered by Kristy K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now your niece just needs to feel security and a sense of belonging somewhere. Is her father around or does she live with you?? There is time for correct family placement. Would she be able to call you by your first name if you think that would be better...
2007-01-25 15:03:31 · answer #6 · answered by Diane H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she's comfortable calling you mommy, don't worry. I would sit down and have a talk with her though to see where she's coming from. Like you said, it could be for attention.
The best thing to do is talk to her and see if she like's to call you Mommy Lisa or whatever your first name is as to Mommy.
2007-01-25 14:41:47 · answer #7 · answered by svictor24 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are handling it wonderfully. If you can be a good role model for her and make her feel more connected to a family it will only benefit her. It might also be good for your daughter to a have a "big sister" as she is growing up. I have cousins who were as close as sisters and it always helps to feel like you are needed and wanted.
2007-01-25 14:40:38 · answer #8 · answered by greeneyedprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋