like if youre in love with someone who is mean to you???
2007-01-25 06:26:07 · 13 answers · asked by smilingontime 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
First, I will emphasize that if the person is mistreating or abusing you, that it is NOT your fault. However, through my study of codependency issues, I have come to understand that some people have a sort of "bad radar" that both tunes them in to a person who would be mean to them and tunes the other person into them as someone vulnerable to being used and hurt. It does NOT feel good to the person being hurt, but it does feel familiar. Often they have grown up in a home where abuse or mistreatment occurred, and this is the only way they've seen people behave. Until the person changes whatver is inside them that tends to put them in this situation or hinder them from getting out of it, they will tend to repeat this relationship pattern. If you don't believe me, go to www.coda.org to get more information about these issues. I think that if you step back for a minute and realize that these issues don't make you a bad person, that they just make you someone in need of some insight about your life, then you'll greatly benefit from the information on the website. Best of luck and email me if you need further info.
2007-01-25 06:39:45 · answer #1 · answered by zanetha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've also heard and read that people who have been abused in the past, (sub)consciously tend to search for a partner who treats them the same way.
Because when being abused, the person learns to "deal with it". Even though it's still awful, he/she has created a way to survive.
And as soon as the abuse suddenly stops (e.g. when you're 18 and you're moving out of your parents house) the person has to leave the past behind and build up something new.
For some people it's too difficult to do so. They want things back the way they were, simply because they knew how to handle it. So it's got something to do with reliving the old patterns again. - And finding a partner who can give that.
2007-01-25 15:05:50 · answer #2 · answered by The Orange Whisperer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alot of it has to due with self esteem. Sometimes the person may tear down the others person self esteem to make themselves feel better. No matter how any one looks at it. If that person really loved you they would not be mean to you no matter what. I say to you ENOUGH is ENOUGH. You are a valued person and you have the right to be treated with respect. Stand up for yourself. No one can make you feel nor treat you any way you don't want. It is your choice to put an end to it. Hope this helps you. Best of luck.
2007-01-25 14:36:58 · answer #3 · answered by Bling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one should put up with someone mistreating them whether it be a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, sibling, friend or even (and I know this sounds silly) a very jealous person from this site!!
Jealousy will eat away at your soul.(NOT speaking about the person who asked this question)
Let go of the jealous feelings inside of you and be FREE!!!!
I love ilpinman very much!
2007-01-25 14:42:33 · answer #4 · answered by CURVY 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Letting someone be mean to you, shows you don't repect yourself. You have to move on, get a therapist. seriously. There seems to be an issue in everone with this problem past. It can be corrected. But the real problem is not the person mistreating you.... it's you for letting it happen, over and over and over and over.... get help. seriously.
2007-01-25 14:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by butterfly_lilly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My gal Melrose is correct; you should not accept physical or mental abuse from anyone (significant other, parent, teacher, boss, etc.). People that accept this often lack the motivation or self esteem to fight back; they believe they are the problem and not the abuser being the problem.
Melrose and I are very strong willed people and will not tolerate the hate we have been getting from a few jealous girls on this Answer site. I will fight to keep our love strong my sweet Melrose! I know that you will fight by my side my love!
2007-01-25 14:51:08 · answer #6 · answered by ICARRYABIGSTICK 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
They lack self esteem and don't believe they deserve any better. And/or have grown up in a similar situation and mistreatment feels normal to them.
2007-01-25 14:41:26 · answer #7 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often times we are repeating what we grew up in. Although we know that the situation is not healthy or safe, it is familiar to us. Such as an abused wife, she may stay b/c that is the way that her father expressed "love" to her as a child. They were never taught proper coping skills.
2007-01-25 16:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that it's a self-esteem issue. People with high self-regard do not allow people to abuse them. It's only the people who have low self-esteem who can love someone who is hurting them - They feel that they must deserve it.
2007-01-25 16:07:45 · answer #9 · answered by Dovie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think people do it because they love the person so much, they think that they cant live without them so they put up with all the bullshit that they give em
some people do it because they think its their fault. they think that they cause the anger and rage in the person
i know i would never put up with **** like that but if you or someone you know does you should refer them to a psycologist.
best of luck to you
2007-01-25 14:48:57 · answer #10 · answered by keepin it reel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋