Is it O.K. to tell a child, "Because I said so!" Or should parents offer better explanations?

Question

Is "Because I said so!" just a cop-out, an excuse for bad parenting?

Answer 1

Absolutely a cop out. My mother did quite a few things that I do differently with my own children, but one thing she did that I agree with is that she would always ask "why not?" instead of "why?" when faced with a decision of whether to allow me to do something. If she could come up with a reason why not, that's the reason she would give me. If she couldn't come up with one, then why stop me from doing it in the first place?

I think parents (and I'm guilty of this, too), on the whole, say no far too often, simply because it's easier than saying yes.

Answer 2

I think said too often, it can be a cop-out, but otherwise it's fine. Kids need to know that sometimes the only reason for something is because the parent said so and they are the boss. But I wouldn't use it all the time, kids do need explanations for a lot of things - it's how they learn about life and their surroundings.

"Because I said so" is usually used when a parent gives the child an answer to something, and the child doesn't like that answer, so they keep trying to ask "but why?" in hopes of changing the parent's mind.

Answer 3

It is OK to give this simple explanation, though if sometimes your child feels hurt you can go with, "I don't want you jumping on the bed because you will fall and get hurt. I don't want you to get hurt because I Love you." Something like that, or, "It isn't nice to take things from others. You wouldn't like it if someone took (whatever it is) away from you." I suppose if you want to go with something more than, "Because I said so." Then it just needs to be age appropriate. For example young children are egocentric and don't realize how their actions will effect others. On the other hand, if it is a teenager, then, "Because I said so." might be the only answer that they will accept as they will probably say you are unfair unless you agree with them anyway.

Go with your gut, parents don't always do everything right, but can usually figure it out with more practice. It really comes down with what you think is right. What works for one family won't necessarily work for another.

Answer 4

Good parenting is not an all inclusive term. I consider myself a great parent, but my children got to daycare 3 days a week and I found my daughter eating dirt two days ago. To some just the small fact that I have a career and am not home with my kids 24/7 would make me an awful parent. There is no manual for parenting, and we can all only do are best. What makes me mad is when people parent a certain way when they do not research the various methods.

Answer 5

It's a cop out, and I hated it when my mom said it to me as a child. I saw right through it most of the time, that there really was no good reason, she was just trying to be in control with no substance to back it up. I am now a mom myself, and I feel it's much better to explain to your child as much as possible the reasons behnd your decision. This also helps them learn the world around them and have context for what is safe and what isn't. It helps teach them to think.

If you must use because I said so, do it sparingly, re-word it, and make sure you have established trust with your child, that s/he knows you make your decisions for a reason and not on a whim of authority.

Answer 6

I think it's perfectly acceptable to tell a child "because I said so" and I also think that a child shouldn't question a parent's decision so much that it comes to that answer. Obviously we want our children to understand us but that isn't always necessary...we should not have to defend our decisions, once that starts to happen the line btwn being a parent and being a friend gets badly blurred and in my opinion that's when the trouble begins.

Answer 7

I said so is what parents say when they either don't want to argue or they can't explain. Kids should respect their parents but they will listen and respect your wishes if you explain your reason. As adults we expect explanation so why not give this to our children. It's not bad parenting its taking the easy way out. Remember that children will grow up to be a product of their environment. They can only be as good as we mold them.

Answer 8

Not a cop-out at all. I am the parent and I often explain my decisions to my son, but as the parent I am not required to give an explanation. Usually when I say that phrase to my son it is because he has "Why'd" me to death and I'm a little irritated or I don't feel the situation requires commentary. And as a parent that is my prerogative.

Answer 9

Yes it is OK in my opinion! No it is not a copy out. Depending on the child ,the child's age and birth order you may discuss things with them. My first born is 14 and I can have a rational discussion about my rules in my house....my four year old, middle child is more challenging, so I adjust my parenting accordingly----talking to her sometimes doesn't work....so my position a czarina in my house must be re-enforce with a look or a certain tone. She definitely gets the 'Because I said so' answer due to her questioning or refusal to obey. Parenting is not all about rules and discipline, its also about the connection you have with your child on their level of understanding. Be strong, this life mentoring job is not for the faint of heart!!!!And always buffer your speech,tone and actions towards your child with lots of love!!! Good luck and Have fun!!!!

Answer 10

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. When my niece was little she said why to everything no matter how many answers you gave her she still said why. But when you would say because I said so she would stop. If it helps then use it. My parents did. Kids don't have to know everything. All they have to know is Mom or Dad said no.