How do you deal with someone who has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Question

HELP!!! I work for a man who I swear has a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Every "symptom" fits him perfectly! I can't just up and quit until I have something else in line. I have tried everything I can think of and nothing works. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with someone like this? At least until something better comes along.

Answer 1

Just focus on yourself and do the best you can. Probably judging him the way you do magnifies the problem.

Maybe he has other issues with you and doesn't see you doing your job well.

Answer 2

Hmm, if we're talking about real narcissistic personality disorder, I wouldn't recommend ALWAYS agreeing with him since they feed on perceived weakness and that there isn't much you can do to appease them. What I do with my mother who has this disorder is that I took control of the relationship; I'm in my 30s and she's in her 60s. I have stopped trying to please her, I hear her but I don't listen. Sometimes, I might seem like I get along with her desires and when she pushes my buttons harder, I go postal on her. She now doesn't know what to expect from me because I serve her own medicine. Since I know her image is the most important thing to her, if she really pisses me off, I just threaten her to tell people who and what she really is: a narcissistic mean manipulative person. That works so much but you have to keep evidence of what the narcissist does.

Answer 3

I am in a very similar situation. I know it isn't easy. Try to make sure that your frustration with your boss doesn't effect you and your behavior. Understanding that his behavior is aberrant must help you, to some degree, to not take his criticism or ridiculous obstacles seriously.

Sometimes we are presented with challenges. How we respond to those challenges determines the sort of person we are. Use this "opportunity" to tackle an unpleasant situation to strengthen your character. In the end, you may be the only kind of employee who can survive his leadership, but ....still look for another job, and good luck.

Answer 4

Sometimes a person has an inferiority complex and overcompensates for it by bragging and trying really hard to make themselves look good :) Ignoring them when they are being narcissistic and giving them attention when they are acting normal (if ever) is good - positive reinforcement :) You have to remember that you probably cannot change this person - you can only change the way you react to him. So take deep breaths, relax and smile at him. Distract yourself with music and make sure you take walks when you are on break or lunch or whatever you have to do to get rid of the anger. Hope that helps ----- Good luck!

Answer 5

It's sort of a shame, but you have two jobs. One is your regular work and the other is to deal with his fragile ego. This kind of person is exhausting. Bear in mind... they do look around for people who they can feed off of and they latch on. Givers in this world have to be careful because the takers of the world are very attracted to them. I work alone, thank goodness. but I do have expensive experience being raised by a similar type person. By the time I left home, I was sooo tired. I will not involve myself with another ever again. your boss will not change, so you have to find that other job you were talking about. In the meanwhile, try to live in a little bubble when he comes along. An aire of depression or anger coming from you will likely turn him off. Otherwise, you will be sucked dry. He cannot help this. It is a personality disorder, but he will continue to be compulsive about it. He lives with a hole deep down. a hunger you nor anyone else can fill. He will feel satisfied by your attention for only a moment before needing another fix. In Greco-Roman mythology, Narcissus saw his reflection in a pond and was so hell bent on admiring himself, he sat there until he starved to death. He turned into a flower....the Narcissus! Get a narcissus and put it in a vase on your desk. Tend to it, but your goal should be to find another job before it dies.

Answer 6

You really can't. These people are freaking nutjobs and will drive you insane. If you keep notes about what they say, they'll call you a liar and deny saying it. If you have a copy of an email they sent, they'll accuse you of forging it.
"The nature of narcissists' personality disorder is so profound and so primitive that narcissists damage virtually everyone who comes into contact with them. Narcissists are threatened and enraged by trivial disagreements, mistakes, and misunderstandings, plus they have evil mouths and will say ANYTHING, so if you continue to live or work with narcissists, expect to have to clean up after them, expect to lose friends over them, expect big trouble sooner or later."
Leave as soon as you can. And don't expect a recommendation.

Answer 7

What's it worth to you? What is the cost to you emotionally to deal with the stress? If he truly has this disorder, it is very toxic and it creates a hostile work environment.
If you have marketable skills, hightail it outa there! If you don't, get yourself in a training program or school so you can move. Having a focus can help you endure. But plan your escape!

Answer 8

I've been there. Basically, you have remember the context of who they are in EVERY. SINGLE. INTERACTION. If you keep reminding yourself that he has a lame-***, medically defined, horrible-to-be-around, mental disorder, it can help you laugh at it rather than scream.

Also good is if there are other people who can share your experiences. Do you have co-workers? Friends who know your boss? If you can make the experiences into funny, "can you believe him???" anecdotes that you guys can laugh at over cocktails, it makes it a lot more manageable.

Anyway, narcissists are THE WORST. I wish you the best of luck in finding a new job. Get out of there soon!!

Answer 9

when a person is in debt, they dwell on it. I don't have money, I don't have money...... then that's all they get, no money. Focus on what you do want. See you boss normally, focus on it, really see it, really feel it, sooner or later he will fall in line with that. Every day you wake up before work feel thankful for yur job feel thankful that your boss is better... but really feeeeeellllllllll it. It will come. See it already happening. If you focus on it comming then it will always be comming. See it as already happened. Focus on what you want, spend no energy, no thoughts thinking about what you don't want. It sounds hard (like a tennis match in your head) but it's not truly don't let yourself think of things your don't want, only what you do want.... nothing negitive, within two weeks I will personally guarntee a change for the better.

Answer 10

Oh my Gosh! Do you work for my boss?

I am in the same boat.....I hope we both get new jobs soon!