We have been having a secret affair for almost 6 months now and no one else knows.
2007-01-25 06:09:25 · 37 answers · asked by regina 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Learned to swallow more often and avoid getting yourself into this situation!!
2007-01-25 06:13:29 · answer #1 · answered by Paul M 3 · 5⤊ 9⤋
Don't take all of these name callers to heart. It's easy to be nasty when you don't have to see a person's face. But no one here has never made a mistake, even if this is a bad one.
That said, yikes.... this is a bad situation. He could get fired for this, no? And you could end up the gossip of the whole college. Not to place blame here, if anyone is to blame it is him, but why did you put yourself in this position?
Anyhow, decide if you want to have the baby or not. Second, be sure that no one else could be the father. If you know he is the father, and you want to have the baby, you should tell him if you want any kind of child support.
However, before you tell him, you need to tell your family. If you are going to have the baby, they will know eventually anyway. Don't try to hide a pregnancy from them. They are the only people guarenteed to be on your side, even if they are angry at first. They will be the ones to help you take care of the baby, or help you find him an adoptive family. The professor probably won't, he's married, will be feeling shameful and guilty, and has kids to worry about already. Also, they can help you get a lawyer, so you can resolve this in the best way possible. It may be the case that you need to make this public, or maybe (as another poster said) you can figure out some kind of more private situation if you are planning on giving it up for adoption.
Before you tell him about the pregnancy, collect whatever sample you might need to have a paternity test done (check with a paternity testing company to see what kind of a sample is needed). He may turn against you, claim you are lying, attempt to get you kicked out of school. He was unscrupulous to be cheating on his wife, so there's no telling how he might act towards you, since this news pretty much could end his life as he knows it (divorce, fired, etc.-) The paternity test could be the only way to prove he's the father. Hopefully he would step up to the plate, but with so much stress on a person, you never know how they will act.
Good luck.
2007-01-25 06:24:10 · answer #2 · answered by starlet_8 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, he can be fired for having an affair with a student, you know. If he gets fired, you won't get child support. So, you have these choices: get an abortion with his money; decide to have the baby and ask him to pay all medical bills and monthly support for the child (get an attorney to draw up the papers...you need this "in writing" to be sure he has to pay); report this affair to the university and have him fired. If his wife and children find out, they will be devastated, embarrassed and without income if he loses his job. The chances of his leaving her for you are pretty slim, you know. Even if he did leave her for you, he'll eventually cheat on you, too. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He's been using you and committing adultry. His wife and kids (and your baby) will suffer most for this. It's a shame.
2007-01-25 06:24:23 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Having an abortion is the only sensible choice. Make the appointment ASAP.
Since you have a professor you are obviously in school and you have obviously have plans and dreams. Having a child would radically alter that life path .
You could tell the professor about it AFTER you had the abortion and possibly you could ask him to contribute to the cost of it.
Bottom line is that both of you guys knew what you were doing . It wasn't an accidental one night stand . It was a long term relationship that realistically had no future
and now you are dealing with one of the consequences
Good luck
2007-01-25 06:27:11 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, you can not ask anyone that question. You have to go with your gut feeling. Just know that if you do have this baby, it will change your life completely and it won't be the happy fairy tale. He is married!!!!! I do not want to hurt your feelings, but if he was sneaking around on his wife with you, he is not going to be that knight in shining armour for you. I don't know what your beliefs are, but if you do happen to believe it is a womans choice to abort, then maybe you should think of how your life will be if you did make that choice and think of how your life would be if you decide to carry the baby. Do you really think he's going to leave his family for you?? If he did, wouldn't he have left them 6 months ago? I'm not trying to be crude to you. I really am empathetic, but I am also a realist. Don't have that (so-called) man's baby. What kind of life will your baby have, knowing that the daddy probably wont' be around and if he does. it would probably be a secret because you know he doesn't want his family to find out about it.
Pray. Pray. Pray. And I'll pray for you. I hope you can come to a solution that will bring you peace and happiness.
2007-01-25 06:21:07 · answer #5 · answered by YaYa 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Talk to this professor and let him know he's going to have to own up to his 'cheating habits' before your child is born (if you choose to have it). Make arrangements with him for child support as well so you are not left to doing this all on your own. I hope you have a good support network. Next time use protection and you'll have a lot less to worry about - or just don't get involved with married men.
Just keep in mind it's not your unborn child's fault.
I'm not here to judge so do what you think is going to be best, not just for you but for the child as well. Best wishes.
2007-01-25 06:18:59 · answer #6 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you should not have gotten yourself into that situation but it happened and now you've got a problem. The only way to keep it from anybody would be an abortion. But if you dont want that you're either going to have to tell your professor and let his wife know, or have an abortion. Other than that, there's not much else you can do except have the kid...
2007-01-25 06:20:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you must of course, tell him.
but you should get yourself (and your unborn child) out of that relationship. you and the professor, both are old enough to know better. i cannot see breaking up that family.
i am personally against abortion. if you do not want the child, start looking now for a couple to adopt it.
if you are going to keep it i would start preparing now. a child is expensive. (diapers, outfits, crib, etc)
2007-01-25 06:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
did u really thought that ur professor would leave his wife and kids for u.. i truelly don't see ur question. all u have right now its tell him and raise ur child. don't quit school because of preg... i was young when i had my daughter and that didn't stop me from finishing school and going to college... it will be hard but what doesn't break you will only make u stronger
good luck
2007-01-25 07:57:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Turn this situation into a "win-win" one. If you and the professor do not want the child, then put the child up for adoption. That will mean so much to the adoptive parents and you and the professor will not have destroyed a life in so doing.
2007-01-25 06:15:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 3⤋
Tell him about it and make sure that he takes responsibility for this child. His wife is going to have to find out but it's up to him to tell her. Then you'll have to take it from there what happens next.
2007-01-25 06:17:28 · answer #11 · answered by DL 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋