and the relationship was going no where, but was just for kicks, and there was noway you would have the baby, would definatley have an abortion, would you tell the father? This is for a friend of mine..........we think opposite things on this one, should she tell him when no matter what he says it won't make a difference to her keeping it, or should she leave him in blissful ignorance if that's the case?
2007-01-25 06:02:11 · 48 answers · asked by CHARISMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It's his as well, AND it's a life!
2007-01-25 06:06:52 · answer #1 · answered by lulu 6 · 5⤊ 2⤋
Well, I am against abortion unless it is a case of rape, incest or a mother's life is in danger. I almost died when I was pregnant with my son because I threw up so much that I survived by being on an I.V. that delivered vitamins to me because I couldn't keep ANYTHING down and was throwing up every 15 minutes, 24 hours a day, for 2-1/2 months straight. While hospitalized, I had a sonogram. I saw my baby. I was 4-1/2 weeks pregnant. I SAW his heart beating. When you abort a baby, you are not aborting a fetus or piece of flesh. You are aborting a living, growing human being. Yes, it is your choice to make, but it was not that child's choice to be conceived. A person can CHOOSE to have sex or not, and to use protection or not.
That being said, and I don't mean to sound so harsh, really, I think that if your friend is going to have an abortion, she should consider telling the father. He has the right to know that he fathered the child. Perhaps he would be willing to pay for the abortion and the care that is needed afterwards (your friend will be in some discomfort afterwards). Perhaps he would want your friend to keep the baby so he could raise it. That could open up a huge can of worms. It is her body and legally, she has the right to abort the child without telling the father. Still, I think that if I were a guy and I fathered a child, I would want to know. This is one of those things that depends on the guy. If he is not a stable person and you think he could cause a lot of problems, then it is probably best not to tell him, especially if your friend's mind is made up about the abortion. You have to weigh the whole situation. It couldn't hurt to tell the guy, either before or after the abortion, for the simple fact that he needs to be aware that when he has sex, he is creating a child, and if he doesn't want to be slapped with child support payments from a different girl who might choose to KEEP that child, then he should think twice about keeping his pants zipped. Just a thought.
One thing I would suggest : your friend is going to need moral support with the decision she is facing. It is a scary thing to be pregnant and unmarried. I am sure she may be struggling with the idea of "taking a life" but sees it as her best option. I am not judging her - really, I'm not. This is a tough situation for her to be in and she truly has my sympathy for what she is going through. I am only saying that I would encourage you to be a good friend that she can lean on for support, and that if she has a hard time dealing with the emotions of it, that you encourage her to get counseling. Often the clinic where the abortion takes place can provide counseling or can refer her to someone else.
Best of luck with this. You sound like a good friend.
2007-01-25 06:22:06 · answer #2 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it takes two to make a baby then BOTH people have a right to make these decisions. Maybe your 'friend' should be more careful, after all we all know how babies are made and I find it really upsetting that the baby was conceived in a relationship that was just based on 'kicks' !!!!!!!!!. Having an abortion is deciding weather a human has right to live or not ... it is NOT a form of contraception! People just assume that the father won't want to know, this is true in some cases, but not all. He has just as much rights as your Friend to make these decisions. So if your friend does not tell him then you tell him ... it may upset your friend but it is the right thing to do.
2007-01-25 06:15:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
well first off....there's are so many different ways to PREVENT pregnancy these days so she should have been aware that she may get pregnant even if it was just the one time, (it can happen and does happen) now she has to go through the trauma of an abortion, i 100% oppose it, but it's your friends body and not mine, if she is not planning on going near this guy again, the decent thing to do is to tell him what her plans are, he has a right to know, it's just a pity that these poor babies don't have a say in whether they live or die...tell your friend that in future, get protected and don't be so ignorant...otherwise she will keep making the same mistakes over and over...but adoption is an option....i hope she learns by her "mistake"
2007-01-25 06:32:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
"just for kicks" resulted in creating another life. So, your "friend" is dealing with more than the father. The father should definitely be told. As for the baby, is it really something that is disposable simply because the parents were just having "kicks"? There are thousands of couples out there who would do darn near anything to be able to adopt a healthy child. And, they usually will pay the mother's expenses. So, your "friend" now has the opportunity to turn this into a "win-win situation".
2007-01-25 06:10:01 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
If she is the type of person that would have a relationship just for kicks and then absolutely for SURE abort the baby no matter what then why bother to tell the man? I'm not trying to be mean or disrespectful but whether or not to tell him is the least of her ethical dilemmas.
2007-01-25 06:09:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anne T 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think he has a right to know as it's his child to.
I'd also be asking my friend why she was having sex without a condom with a 'one off lover' as you put it if she didn't want a baby..not to mention any of the diseases she could've caught!
Abortion should not be used as a form of contraception, it should be for people who really need it such as rape victims, cases where medically necessary/something terribly wrong with the baby etc, not for people who are too lazy to use a condom or take a pill!
2007-01-25 06:13:25 · answer #7 · answered by serephina 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was the girl in that position, tell "your friend" to go to the doc and hear the babies heartbeat THAT believe me will help her make one of the biggest decisions in her life. If she can still abort after that then she really doesn't want the child, either way it should b a joint decision.
Btw my daughter is gorgeous and the best thing in the world to happen to me xx
Hope that helps and good luck x
2007-01-25 06:16:05 · answer #8 · answered by jumpalicous 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell the father he has a right to know. Also if she doesn't want the baby there are other options like adoption, that little babies life shouldn'd be taken away from it because your friend and her lover were having a bit of fun. If they got themselves into this mess then they should take responsibility, they need to deal with the consequences not run away and take the easy way out. It may not be a fully grown baby but its a life.
2007-01-25 06:11:10 · answer #9 · answered by Sky 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
difficult. My personal belief is that he doesnt have the right to know. It is HER body, and she should decide what she does and doesnt do. He may try to sway her into keeping it - stranger things have happened. No she should definately not tell him.
I have just added this bit after reading all the answers you have received to this question. All the rubbish about it being a baby and abortion being wrong. I truly believe that if you dont want the baby it is better go get rid of it. It would be far worse to keep a child you do not want. YOU WONT BE HAPPY AND NEITHER WILL THE CHILD. Yes it is right that it is a life of sorts, but It isnt here yet, so I dont think that the feelings of this unborn child should come into it. I have 3 children, and have had 2 miscarriages. I have never had an abortion, though i have supported a good friend through one. It is an awful thing to have to go through, but sometimes VERY necessary. Your friend will have to decide that it is the ABSOLUTE RIGHT THING FOR HER TO DO! It scars you mentally, however so does having children if you are not ready, and are not in a long term loving relationship.
STOP LISTENING TO ALL THE NEGATIVES ABOUT HAVING THE ABORTION. IT IS COMPLETELY UP TO YOU 'RE FRIEND WHAT YOU DO. IT IS STILL HER BODY (NOT HIS AND NOT THE BABY'S)
Take care - your friend will need you alot - especially if she reads some of these ANTI ABORTION answers. If it is best for her then go for it. Good luck - i hope she is ok (you too - its hard for you aswell.)
2007-01-25 06:07:43 · answer #10 · answered by littlekitty 4 · 1⤊ 6⤋
you defiantly shouldn't have an abortion that baby is a human and he or she has a life sorry if this sounds brutal but you should tell your parent's and maybe put the baby up for adoption.
if you already had the abortion you killed another human
hope you take my advice it's just my opinion
P.S. girls who have an abortion are more likely to comit suicide
2007-01-25 06:17:33 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋