How long should I let my daughter cry herself to sleep?

Question

my daughter is 8 1/2 mons. old and I'm trying to let her put her own self to sleep in her crib when i do she cry's for at least a half and hour and it hurts me to let her cry so I put her on my bed and let her fall asleep there with me but I know it's not a good thing to do because I know she is spoiled already and i don't want that. to keep up Just woundering how long can you let a baby cry themselves to sleep or what is a good thing to do? She don't take a pacifer and I don't put her down with a bottle either.

Answer 1

Don't let her cry it out it can harm her, read the article below. She can't be spoiled by cosleeping. If she sleeps well by you, well keep doing it, she's needing the comfort of her mother.

Science Says: Excessive Crying Could Be Harmful to Babies
Science tells us that when babies cry alone and unattended, they experience panic and anxiety. Their bodies and brains are flooded with adrenaline and cortisol stress hormones. Science has also found that when developing brain tissue is exposed to these hormones for prolonged periods these nerves won’t form connections to other nerves and will degenerate. Is it therefore possible that infants who endure many nights or weeks of crying-it-out alone are actually suffering harmful neurologic effects that may have permanent implications on the development of sections of their brain? Here is how science answers this alarming question:

Chemical and hormonal imbalances in the brain
Research has shown that infants who are routinely separated from parents in a stressful way have abnormally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol, as well as lower growth hormone levels. These imbalances inhibit the development of nerve tissue in the brain, suppress growth, and depress the immune system. 5, 9, 11, 16

Researchers at Yale University and Harvard Medical School found that intense stress early in life can alter the brain’s neurotransmitter systems and cause structural and functional changes in regions of the brain similar to those seen in adults with depression. 17

One study showed infants who experienced persistent crying episodes were 10 times more likely to have ADHD as a child, along with poor school performance and antisocial behavior. The researchers concluded these findings may be due to the lack of responsive attitude of the parents toward their babies. 14.

Dr. Bruce Perry’s research at Baylor University may explain this finding. He found when chronic stress over-stimulates an infant’s brain stem (the part of the brain that controls adrenaline release), and the portions of the brain that thrive on physical and emotional input are neglected (such as when a baby is repeatedly left to cry alone), the child will grow up with an over-active adrenaline system. Such a child will display increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence later in life because the brainstem floods the body with adrenaline and other stress hormones at inappropriate and frequent times. 6

Dr. Allan Schore of the UCLA School of Medicine has demonstrated that the stress hormone cortisol (which floods the brain during intense crying and other stressful events) actually destroys nerve connections in critical portions of an infant’s developing brain. In addition, when the portions of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional control are not stimulated during infancy (as may occur when a baby is repeatedly neglected) these sections of the brain will not develop. The result – a violent, impulsive, emotionally unattached child. He concludes that the sensitivity and responsiveness of a parent stimulates and shapes the nerve connections in key sections of the brain responsible for attachment and emotional well-being. 7, 8

Decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development
Infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings at an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, concluding that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.”

Researchers have found babies whose cries are usually ignored will not develop healthy intellectual and social skills. 19

Dr. Rao and colleagues at the National Institutes of Health showed that infants with prolonged crying (but not due to colic) in the first 3 months of life had an average IQ 9 points lower at 5 years of age. They also showed poor fine motor development. (2)

Researchers at Pennsylvania State and Arizona State Universities found that infants with excessive crying during the early months showed more difficulty controlling their emotions and became even fussier when parents tried to consol them at 10 months. 15

Other research has shown that these babies have a more annoying quality to their cry, are more clingy during the day, and take longer to become independent as children 1.

Harmful physiologic changes
Animal and human research has shown when separated from parents, infants and children show unstable temperatures, heart arrhythmias, and decreased REM sleep (the stage of sleep that promotes brain development). 10 12, 13

Dr. Brazy at Duke University and Ludington-Hoe and colleagues at Case Western University showed in 2 separate studies how prolonged crying in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. They concluded that caregivers should answer cries swiftly, consistently, and comprehensively. (3) and (4)

Answer 2

My advice is to start out with letting her cry for about 15 minutes. Then go in and rub her back , leg, or arm, so she knows you're there. I would not pick her up unless there's an actual problem (diaper needing change, hungry, etc.).

Do this for a few days to maybe a week. If it doesn't seem to be getting better, then start lengthening the time. A half an hour is not "too long" to let your child cry. Just be certain to go back in and let her know that you're still around.

I can understand not letting her go to bed with a bottle, it's been known to cause ear infections (and later on it can be a bad habit), but putting her in your bed to fall asleep can be just as bad a habit to have to break. I'm not saying it's "bad", but that once a child learns s/he can sleep in your bed every night, you're going to run into problems later when you want to break the habit.

(For the record, I let all three of my kids go to bed with a bottle, if they were hungry. Sure it became a habit, but that was actually pretty easy to break them of after they were a year old.)

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

I just went through the same thing with my twin boys. My pediactrician recommended that I let them cry until they fall asleep. I checked on them every 10-15 min just to make sure they had not gotten stuck in the crib or anything. When I entered the room, I remained totally quiet and I tried not to let them see me. After 2 1/2 weeks or doing this for an hour plus every night, they are finally going to sleep on their own. Don't panic, and don't let her get to you. If you have a hard time listening to her cry (just like I did) go into a room that does not have a monitor so you can't hear her and let your partner take over. She is just trying to get your attention.

Answer 4

Put her in her crib and sit next to her on the ground. If she cries just ignore her. Just look straight ahead. Sit there and wait till she stops crying and falls asleep. Do this for about 2-3 nights. After that, each night move away from the crib about 1-2 feet. Soon you'll find yourself near or out door. Each night she should cry less and less until she doesn't cry at all. If she sees you there she will have the comfort of you but in her bed.

Answer 5

i'm in the process of trying to get my 11 month old in her own bed. I do let her cry for a bit, then i will go in, pat her butt, and offer her a botle. When she's settled i will leave the room. She will usually start crying again and we will repeat the process 3-4 times but she will settle down and finally go to sleep eventually. She spent 7 months in your bed, so i think it's best you use a gentle transition. My daughters crib is also right at the foot of our bed so she can still feel our movement, etc. I think this really helps.

Answer 6

Babies are not spoiled at 8 months. Babies cry when they need something--whether it's being held, reassurance that Mom or Dad's still there, whatever.
In almost all countries except the US and Great Britain, babies spend most of their days w/Mom, sleep with their parents and rarely ever cry. Expecting our children to self-sooth, become Ferberized, or become Independent Beings before they are ready is one reason there are so many confused, lost kids today.
If you give to your daughter now you will not be sorry later.
Try a Google on "Attachment Parenting"

Answer 7

Co-sleeping is a choice, not a bad habit. I can't tell you if it is right for you and your family or not. I can tell you that crying for half an hour every day is not good. Crying raises blood pressure and a host of other stress-related hormones.

Read through this, maybe you will find some guidance:
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

But the best advice I can give you is to listen to that voice inside you, that voice we all have that tells us what is best for our children. It is the voice that makes moms take their kids to doctor after doctor even though doctor's keep insisting everything is fine. Often they are proved right.

Listen to that voice and do what works for you and your child and your partener(if you have one) and any other children. Your decision shouldn't impact anyone else, so they do not get a say. End of story. Sure friends and family will offer advice, but feel free to ignore it ;-)

Answer 8

First off there is no such thing as a spoiled baby you are supposed to respond and cater to your child's needs. At about 8 months its okay to let your child cry out a little bit, I used to let my daughter cry it out for about 20 minutes at a time. Then I would go in and soothe her and leave again, I did this for a while and it worked well. Just remember do what feels right for you and your baby, I know that my mother and mother in law, grandmother, etc. told me that I was "spoiling her" and not to pick her up so much blah blah blah, I got REALLY sick of unsolicited advice. So I did what felt right for me and Olivia she is almost three and didn't turn out with all these horrible habits they insisted she would have. You have the BEST maternal instincts when it comes to your child. Best of luck my dear, you ll be just fine.

Answer 9

You really should just let her cry it out. I had the same problem with my younger son and we just let him cry it out until he fell asleep. Once you've put her in her crib, and you know her bum is dry, she's not hungry, etc... you should not pick her up out of the crib. If you must check on her, just rub her back or hand..... , but do not talk to her or pick her up. This way you are giving her the message that Mommy loves you, but you need to go to sleep by yourself. It will take time depending on how consitant you are and how stubborn the child is (they all have their own personalities!), usually a week or so. I do daycare and I apply this to young children in my care as well. It does eventually get better!

Answer 10

What we do is say good night to all of the things she sleeps with. Stuffed animals, pillow, blanket, etc. Then we leave one at a time. When she cried we let her cry as long as we could stand it. She even hurled herself at her gate(I made a solid wooden gate 2feet high to block her door without closing her door, it's like the bottom half of a dutch door sort of) and hurt herself a little, but the hurt made her stop right away, and it was very minor. We could only stand 10 min. After 10 min. we consoled her till she was calm and left one at a time. Repeat a few times, and eventually exhaustion will win. Important- You must do exactly the same routine every night. She got over it in one week. Occasionally it comes back and we start up the old process. She will be 2 next month. She rarely does it at all now.

Answer 11

Hey Sweetie....I 'm sorry for you. I have the same problem my son he is also 8 1/2 months old. I tried letting him cry it out at night time because my pediatrician said he needs to learn to sleep by himself .The first night went fairly well he only cried for 10 minutes and once more for six minutes and slept thru the night. But the next night was total disaster. So after 3 days we gave up. I am going to try again in a few more weeks. The key to this working is to put them down drowsy. I nurse my son to sleep so when he wakes up looking for me he cries.For nap time don't let them cry for more than an hour total in there crib. But at night time they say just let them cry until they fall asleep. I was told that because my son is older now breaking his night time waking habit will take longer then about a week. I just don't have it in me right now to try it again those three days were brutal. I read this book cover to cover and it helped alot we are not alone in this. Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. It worked for my other son. But every baby is different.They really need to have some type of support group for this so moms can deal with this together. It's not natural to let your baby cry. But, they need to sleep for their growing brains. I feel for you honey I am right there with you . I wish us both lots of luck and strength to get through this. So we can all finally get a good nights sleep!!!