Do you discipline your spouse the same way you discipline your children?

Question

I have read so many questions and answers on here stating that spanking is child abuse (which if done correctly it isn't) the same way as beating your spouse is domestic abuse. I feel this comparison is almost laughable. Aren't we as parents suppose to treat our children differently than our spouses? Aren't we suppose to teach them respect and teach them responsibility? I don't know about everyone else but I married a mature adult, not a toddler with an undeveloped brain.

So lets hear it people, when was the last time you had to put your spouse in a time out? When was the last time you had to take your spouses' toys away for bad behavior?

Answer 1

Ha! if I've got to put my spouse, partner, significant other on restriction than I have no use for him. A child mentality isn't something I look for in my choice of partners.
That's just a goofy analogy...people really should think about the difference between domestic abuse and spanking a child. None the less these folks have most likely never dealt with domestic violence or true child abuse. Until they've been there done that...they'll continue to form all their sugar coated-silly-self righteous opinions.

Answer 2

The thing is you don't put a spouse in time out, spank them, or take "toys" away because you can reason with them.

Can you reason with a toddler or infant? No. Would spanking a child [under two] make them think twice about touching a toy or doing wrong? Highly unlikely. Will they do it again? Probably. So what is the point of spanking a child?

This is where redirection and positive reinforcement come to play. I feel if a child knows what he/she is doing right they won’t be apt to do the wrong thing. If you show and explain better things for a child to do after giving them a firm “no” then you’d be set. Chances are even after that they will go back but they‘ll also realize they aren‘t supposed to do it. Chances are a young child even after a spanking will go back.

This has to do with consistancy which many parents lack. If you are consistant then these problems will be engraved into a child's mind.

If someone hit me now OR spanked me when I was a kid I would fear them. That would also to some equal respect. It was that way with my own father. I don’t want my children to fear me. I want them to respect me.

Kids under the age of three are just learning. Why spank a child for learning his/her surroundings?

I’m not saying do not discipline but really what’s wrong with saying “no” and showing them something better to play with? What’s wrong with teaching them the good instead of just the bad?

I’m not saying spanking is child abuse. I’m just offering a different outlook.

Answer 3

In my opinion, I don't thinking spanking and punching your spouse in the face, the same thing! I'm from the country and spankings are a part of life here. I believe there is a difference. Children and spouses are different also. I don't think physical contact between a spouse is appropriate. Spankings should be on a childs butt and not leave marks. Punching your child is child abuse. Breaking bones, bruising, bleeding are excessive. I don't think spankings should be an everyday thing and the only form of punishment for a child but I do think there is a time and place for everything. I hope physical punishment isn't what married people do. I would never hit my husband, even though alot of us think about it but a spouse is a partner in life not someone to be hitting on.

Answer 4

I'm not married, but I do live in what's called a "domestic discipline" relationship, meaning that I hold my roommate accountable for misdeeds, most of which are outlined for her, like climbing on chairs or countertops (she has poor balance and is legally blind) and forgetting to turn off the oven burners before she leaves for work in the morning. This is an agreement between myself and her which she consented to. When she slips up, she is spanked for her crimes.

Now, would I discipline a child the same way? Not entirely. Some things that I do with her would be alright for a child. Before discipline, you sit them down and explain what they did wrong and why you're disappointed in them. You tell them why it was wrong and what the repercussions could have been. If someone was or could have been hurt, you make sure they understand that.

After discipline, you hold them and remind them that you love them and want them to do better. Reinforce the lesson so that they'll remember it and why it's important.

The discipline itself, however, is where things would be different. While I spank my roommate often (the majority is for play, rather than discipline, but discipline isn't rare), I don't believe in spanking children except in exceptional circumstances. While I don't have children, if I ever do, I don't intend to spank more than once a year, and hopefully less if I'm parenting them well. I would take away toys and privileges, give cornertime and timeouts, and the occasional writing assignment. Truth be told, it's not the mode of discipline itself, but the lecture before and the show of love afterwards that really makes discipline work. The problem with parents today is that they're too lazy to follow through, which is why society is degenerating. It's not a lack of spanking that's doing this, it's a lack of parenting.

And, yes, I have taken things away from my roommate and given her cornertime before.

Answer 5

No, but it could work depending on how you discipline your children. If you do it in a way that shows them way that behavior is not productive it could be helpful for your spouse.

If you explain why it hurts others and you except them to treat others with love it could help spouse.

If you yelling, hitting, and abusing the children not good for spouse or maybe even children. Spanking is ok but not abuse and probably not good for spouse.

Answer 6

I see nothing wrong with spanking your kids as long as it doesn't cross over into abuse, i.e. excessive beating, leaving bruises, etc. Thats appalling. I've "popped" my little ones when they are putting themselves in harms way, to give them a "scare", and I use time out for bad behavior. I also restrict games and toys for inappropriate behavior.

As far as my spouse goes, I've never hit him, maybe a spanking here and there (lol), and I've advised him on taking a "time out" at times when I thought he needed to cool off, but thats about the extent of it.

I think that most parents know the difference between discipline and abuse. Its the ones that don't, that cause the rest of us to be scrutinized.

Answer 7

There was a time in history where a girl about to marry was spanked one last time by her father and then on the wedding night by the husband, From then on she was spanked if she misbehaved. This was just the norm because women were property the same as children.

Right?
Wrong?

Who am I to legislate morality?

Answer 8

I don't spank my children but I will pop thier fingers if the are doing something they are not suposed to and I am notorious for grabing my daughter by the ear if she is not listning. I don't think you should beat your child but Some children respond better to diffent types of disapline. As for my husband sometimes I do put him in time out :)

Answer 9

This is one of the reasons why there are so many divorces.

You don't discipline your spouse the way you discipline your children.

I hope that you're spouse is grown enough to know the difference b/w right and wrong.

What you do in the bed it's your business.
But if there is physical, verbal or mental abuse out of that, they need couseling.

Answer 10

i have never heard of anyone treating there spouse just like there kids. If they do I feel as though that person has alot of growing up to do!! It just not right and stupid if you ask me.