4 year old in distress?

Question

I was chatting to my friend today and she said her 4 year old is weeing herself 6 times a day for the last few weeks. There has been some past problems in her life, what with a new baby coming to the family and parents splitting up for a while, and starting school, but all this happened last year and now things have settled and gone back to normal. Mum and dad are back together and seem happy, baby is now 8 months, school is ok, and now this!! mum doesn't know where to begin in addressing the problem. when she told me I immediately thought the worse, like child abuse coming from somewhere in this little girls life and that is her reaction to it, but Im no expert. What do u all think?

Answer 1

First of all, if she hasn’t, suggest that she take her to her doctor to rule out a bladder infection. I wouldn’t worry that she is being abused. It is really common for children to regress when there are changes in their lives. This little girl had parents who separated, got back together, is probably felling stressed that if could happen again, and was the center of her parents would for a long time and now she has to share them with her sibling. I bet she that is getting some extra attention for when she wees herself. She may be resorting to having accidents in order to feel powerful and to gain some attention. Tell your friend to help her to feel powerful in positive ways by saying thing like "You did that by yourself!" "You can run super fast!" "Look how high you can jump!" "You used so many colors on your painting." These phrases are great confidence boosters, are great ways to show love and attention, and great ways for her to feel powerful in a positive way.

I think that this child needs a little empathy. She may be worried that mom and dad may separate again. They could have a sit down with her and say things like “I can tell you’re feeling (worried, scared, sad). What can we do about that?” If they do some empathizing with her, she will learn to better express her feelings and her parents will be able to get to the root of her stress.

Tell mom and dad to give her lots of extra love and attention. When the baby is sleeping, to read her a story, does an art project together, have her help make a snack or prepare dinner. She can also with the baby by picking out the baby’s outfit, sing to the baby, get the bath wash for the baby’s bath. She will feel proud to help and feel proud to be a big sister.

Explain to your friend that it would be best is she does not to make a big deal when her daughter wees herself. If you friend insist, her daughter will resist because she is in control. When she has an "accident," she should simply say "It looks like you need to change." Her daughter can remove her wet clothing, rinse them out, put them in a bag in the laundry, clean any wet area, and put on dry clothing. By helping her to feel powerful, showing some extra attention, empathizing, having her help with her sibling, and not helping her with her accidents, she will begin to feel more confident and it won't take her long to learn it is much easier to use the bathroom. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 2

I had problems with my son as well a few months ago, just before he turned 5. There are similarities with the child you are talking about. He was wetting himself several times a day/night and that was following some big changes in our lives (New baby brother and started school). It was a hard time for us because we didn't know what approach to take, being indifferent, being angry, being understanding. We tried to talk and find out how he felt but he never said he had a problem with his brother or the new school.
In the end, I found out about weekly charts, (a sun when stayed dried, a cloud when slightly wet, a rainy cloud when very wet) and we kept a record of each day. After 1 week it was already much better. I did tell him he would get a nice surprise once he had 10 suns and never made an issue of getting clouds. Only time and love will help, but it will get better.

Answer 3

I think that potty problems arising in young children who are potty trained are a child’s expression of stress.

Usually the child FEELS neglected and this is the only way she knows how to express what she’s feeling. It’s not like it’s something that she’s doing on purpose or trying to do intentionally for attention. She probably just wants to be a good girl.

I stress that the child FEELS neglected. This doesn’t mean that she is neglected, she just feels it. Baby is 8 months old now and I starting to do stuff (sit up & crawl) and now maybe requires more attention or is getting it and the 4yo feels this.

I would suggest to your friend that she have “big girl” time with her daughter where they go and do something together that is just for her and baby can’t come along or participate. They can go for supper, to a movie or just window shopping, so long as it’s something special that’s only for the 4yo. Once a week or once every two weeks would be often enough I think to have the desired effect.

Answer 4

It could be a physical problem that would need a doctors attention to find. But it may just be that even though the adults all see everythign as back to normal, "normal" is not what the child is used to and may causing her a great deal of stress. Even if it's that things have calmed down by adult standards it's still a tremendous change for a littel one.
And from personal experience, your immediate thoughts may not be far off either. My oldest was molested for several years before she finally came out and told me. DCF was even involved on a seperate occassion and found no cause and closed the case.

Answer 5

well I have been working with children for a while now.. It could be 1 out of 2 things..

It maybe a good possility, that the way things have been changing,and how mommy and daddy had a nother lil baby. She wants to be the baby. So maybe she thinks if she does that she will get attention. I see this alot.

The other thing is she could be having a bladder infection, I would suggest that they take her to the doctors just incase of an infection.

Hope this helped! Good luck!

Answer 6

I think this little girl has been through alot and probably needs someone to talk to!! She may need to see a phyciatrist!! It cant hurt and is definatly worth a try!!! She may just be trying to get attention from the new baby!! Even though the new baby is 8 months old now there is probably still a lot of pinned up anger towards the sweet baby!!! this may be her way of dealing with it!!!!

Answer 7

I think she is just copying the baby. She sees the baby doing this and getting loved up instead of being told off. So, to steal a little attention for herself...she does this. Get mum to explain that baby can't go to the toilet as yet but big girls have to...like mummy does.

Answer 8

Why not just speak to the child and ask them why they have begun wetting themselves? It could be something medical like a urinary tract infection, in which case the child could tell you they are discomfort when they wee for example. Alternatively consult a GP.

Answer 9

Could be something physical like a bladder infection. Suggest to your friend to take her to the dr first and then the dr might have suggestions if it isn't anything physical.