A couple of summers ago, I met a German guy who was in town on business. We immediately hit it off, but our relationship wasn't automatically sexual. However, it eventually got to that point, and we had a fun two weeks together. Unfortunately, though, he had a live-in girlfriend back home in Germany, so not only was he cheating on her, but I was also doing something that didn't really sit well with my conscience. After he went back home, we stayed in touch via e-mail, phone calls, and text messages. Sometimes our messages were sexually based and sometimes they weren't. After a few months of this, he sent me an e-mail in which he said goodbye to me, because his live-in girlfriend had discovered that he was cheating on her and she kicked him out. Needless to say, I was rather hurt, but I felt that I didn't have the right to have any expectations. Recently, though, I was surprised to get a text message from him saying that he would like to hear from me. I was kind of curious, so I emailed
2007-01-25 04:30:02 · 22 answers · asked by tangerine 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
him. It was mainly out of curiosity. He's still with the other woman, so why did he decide to contact me after over a year?
2007-01-25 04:30:45 · update #1
He can't bang me if there's a huge ocean separating us. Also, he hasn't made any mention of making any more trips to the US.
2007-01-25 04:35:22 · update #2
I'm not interested in starting anything new with this guy. I know that he's a no-good, egotistical tramp. I sometimes miss the friendly, non-sexual side of our relationship and our conversations, but I don't trust him and I do think I deserve better. And yes, I think that I was just as wrong for sleeping with a guy who I knew had a girlfriend back home.
2007-01-25 04:41:54 · update #3
My recently messages to him were friendly, but not sexual or romantic, since I don't want him to think that I see him that way anymore. And the main reason why I contacted him was so I could satisfy my curiosity. I wanted to know if he was still with this woman, for example, and I also wanted to know how his daughters were doing.
2007-01-25 04:52:24 · update #4
I think people contact their old flings for closure. Sometimes it is difficult to close that chapter of one's life and people have to keep it open. In your case, there are plenty of guys at home who wouldn't have to cheat on their girlfriend in order to treat you right. You deserve better. My advice is to send him one more text message telling him that you have decided to move on. If this guy would cheat on his live-in girlfriend with you, then what's to stop him from cheating on you with someone else? How do you know he doesn't have a lot of other girls out there he is cheating with? You don't. You truly deserve better - really - you do!
2007-01-25 04:37:51 · answer #1 · answered by Chimichanga to go please!! 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people contact an old flame simply because of nostalgia. I am married, but sometime will get in touch with an old boyfriend via email or a Christmas card or whatever. It's never anything I hide from my husband though. These are old flames that I am on good terms with and now consider friends.
In your case, however, it doesn't sound like he is simply being nostalgic and wants to see how you are doing. The fact that he was having a fling with you before when he already had a girlfriend clearly indicates there is a problem or "something missing" in his relationship with her.
So now the questions come back to you. Are you comfortable contacting this man when you know he has a live-in girlfriend? Is the flirting fun and exciting for you and do you want it to continue? Are you wanting your relationship with him to be something more or are you content to just have a sexually-based emailing relationship? If the relationship would ever go further between you and him, would you ever really trust him knowing he cheated on his last girlfriend?
I'm not judging you in any way on this issue. Although some people might say you are wrong in contacting him, I don't think the issue is really that black and white. But you need to do what YOU are comfortable with and what makes you happy. Don't compromise yourself or do something that you think will end up getting you hurt.
2007-01-25 04:48:55 · answer #2 · answered by Pamela M 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe he is planing a visit back to were you are and since you think it is ok to be the other woman he thought that the two of you could get together for sex.i am sure that since he is still with this woman that it is her that he loves.and that you are just on the side.if you are any good you will tell the man to leave you alone and stay with his girlfriend.
2007-01-25 04:37:06 · answer #3 · answered by noseyroseysillywillie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
When peeps look back at there life they may be missing something you gave him!
or his current relations isn't what he really wants so he is feeling out his other options! the fact that you respond or give him any reason to beleive that your intresteed by responding even if your not! you respond so that is giving him hope that you'll be there for him!
2007-01-25 04:43:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you just need to let this one go..why would you want someone that has cheated on their mate. Not only did he cheat but he got caught and now he is trying to contact you again once she took him back. Sounds like huge red flags to me. Its probably an ego thing for him.
2007-01-25 04:39:10 · answer #5 · answered by itsjustme12 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
because they think of "could have been". just out of curiousity and to maybe just check up and see how you were doing. it's usually because they aren't sure about the relationship they are currently in and they start thinking of how it used to be. and they usually don't remember the bad times in the past relationship, they only remember the good to try to make it look better then the situation they are currently in.
2007-01-25 04:36:58 · answer #6 · answered by ~karma~ 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Obvious, he was keeping his other options open. If she leaves him he has you to fall back on. I say tell the jerk to quit calling you and go on with your life. And if you knew he had a girlfriend back home then shame on you. What goes around comes around!
2007-01-25 04:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by RoseMarie 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He obviously liked what you had to offer, and spending time with you. It's also easier to get back together with someone that knows you, and is familiar with you, than someone completely new. He might have wanted to know if you were mad at him, and if not, did he have a chance with you? I think we both know the answer to that one!
2007-01-25 04:38:08 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's a side effect of a long happy hour at the biergarten.
2007-01-25 04:40:20 · answer #9 · answered by Pretending To Work 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most people just like knowing that they still got it, they can still get others. And some people get a little bored with who they are with. They still love them and all, just bored.
2007-01-25 04:35:02 · answer #10 · answered by dave k 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋