Advice on a serious problem.?

Question

For a while now I've been feeling alittle differently about my mother, now she and I have never been really close. I've always connected with mio Father, than with her. At first I though, this is normal. But now I think I actually dislike my mother, she hasn't done anything wrong or anything. But i can't really talk to her, or have a conversation with her. We have nothing in common, sometimes i even wonder if she really is my mother ( she is (science proves it).

I feel very guility feeling this way and I try to like her like normal daughters do, but i can't. Is there anything i can do to change how I've been feeling for the past 3 years. I've even seen a therapist about it, she says there's nothing you can really do. You cannot force youself to like someone, no matter who or what they are.


Help.

Answer 1

Rose, you are asking a question that really requires a sincere answer. One word - TIME.

Think about this. Most children think at some point in time that a parent or parents are dull, insensitive and ignorant of - well - just about everything. Time takes care of this.

Suggestion: Treat your mother with civility and respect. Even though you may not like the type of woman she is, she is still your mother. How you treat her now will impact how you feel about her years from now.

I have always loved my mother, but there was a time that I did not like her. Other than my wife, my mother is my second best friend. Never did anyone other than my mother ever wish the best for me, and until I started maturing I never recognized that. I did my best to love her, and it began turning into a real like for who she was and what she wanted for me in life.

Do not feel guilty about your feelings unless you are acting on your dislike for her. If that is what is happening, change your behavior and watch how close you two eventually become. You really only have one mother, and how you treat her and act toward her will be reflected on how your children will treat you and act toward you.

Answer 2

Be careful how you handle this... You only have one mother, and when she is gone you may end up with regret... which is a heavy cross to bear.
Sustain a relationship with her that you are comfortable with. You do not have to be buddy buddy, but do try and keep that door open. A lot of women have issues with their Mom's, I know I did.
I spent 42 years trying to get my Mother to love me, she just never really did, and I was her only daughter. - Though I loved her more than life itself.
She died 2 years ago, and left me alone to wonder what I could have done differently.
I was the product of a relationship in which she got hurt real bad.. I looked like him, and I think that was a lot of the problem.
Anyway.. I'm sure you love your Mom, and I hope she loves you too. Don't feel guilty about how you feel, because that will only serve to bring you down.. Just be there for her when she needs you, and call her every now and again, just to say hi.
It's not a lot, but for now it'll have to do.
Good Luck

Answer 3

I think it is possible that you will one day like her, even love her. Parents make mistakes everyday, it is just human nature. I am not sure what your mom has done to you and how she feels about you. Maybe your mom has a chemical emballance that makes her a little odd. Your best shot is to sit down with her and have a heart to heart. Ask her why she thinks the two of you are not close. Remember she is not going to be around for ever and you don't want to regret not spending time with her while she was around.

Not everyone one was meant to be parents as well. Think about all the things that made you not feel close to your mother and try to correct them in yourself when you become a parent. ie, don't make the same mistakes.

Answer 4

Hey Ho,

You should not feel guilty about the way you feel about your mother. Just because someone is a family member doesn't mean you have to like them. You say that you have been feeling guilty about the relationship your Mother for the last 3 years? Did anything happen at that time that changed the way you felt her?

Obviously something is causing you to feel this way, perhaps you should look in depth into your feeling and try to find out why, you feel this way about her.



PS:
Love! you avatar ",

Answer 5

I have a lot of respect for you. I think that you should talk to your mother. You must remember that the close relationships with family members is ultimately a choice. There is no law requiring the mother/daughter lunch or the father/son breakfast. I think that you should talk to your mom about your feelings because internalizing them could lead to abuse in various ways.

Answer 6

Really, you should try to sit down with her and have a heart to heart!
She may have had the same kind of relationship with her mother, you never know if you don't try.

Try this link also:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/t21/enjoy.htm
or go to the search on the home page, and type in your problem, or the word family.

Use this link to help yourself.

I wish you well!

Answer 7

She has never done anything to make you dislike her and yet you just don't like her--that's fair--you love someone doesn't mean you have to like what they do or believe in--that just means you are different in how you think--maybe as you grow older you will connect more--

Answer 8

Even though all that is true, there's nothing you can do to save the relationship between you and your mother.

Answer 9

At least you are willing to admit this problem. Since you dislike her so much don’t be around her as much. But please try to maintain a relationship with her, even if it is minimal. If something were to happen to her you may regret cutting off contact with her completely.

Answer 10

I feel that way too. My friend said that it is what most teenagers do. Some people just don't connect with their parents. (I'm adoped so I think that has something to do with it.) I think that What you need to do is respect your mom, but you don't need to LOVE her.