hey every one any one have a funny joke or riddle?

Answer 1

Sherlock Holmes and Watson were out camping in the mountains. One night, Holmes wakes up and nudges Watson.

Holmes: "Look up Watson, what do you see"
Watson: "Millions and millions of stars Holmes."
Holmes: "And what do you deduce from this?"
Watson: "Well, astrologically I can tell you Venus is in the house of Gemini. I can also tell you we are on planet earth, from which with the naked eye we can view Venus and Mars. And theologically, I think we are part of God's great plan. A small speck in a huge universe. And what do you deduce from it Holmes?"

Holmes thinks for a short while, and turning to Watson exclaims:

"No Watson you idiot! Somebody has stolen our tent!"

Answer 2

Riddle from Inside Man (2005)

To keep law enforcement distracted, the leader of the bank robber, asks the detective in charge:

"Which weighs more: All the trains passing through Grand Central Station or all the trees cut down to make U.S. currency?

Generosly, he offers it's a trick question.

Answer 3

Sylvia and Irving are getting married, and Sylvia tells Irving that everyone in her family has always gone to Miami for their honeymoon. They are short on funds, so they decide to take a bus.

The night before the wedding, Sylvia's mother reminds her of the tradition that all the women in the family have always waited until they were in Miami before consumating their marriage.

So, after a lovely wedding and reception, Sylvia and Irving hop on the bus expecting to arrive in Miami about 36 hours later, with one motel stop along the way. Irving, trying to be a very patient husband, unfortunately finds he can think of nothing else but arriving in Miami and becoming "man and wife" in the true sense. So when they stop that night at the motel, he begs Sylvia to reconsider. Although equally tempted, she stands firm in keeping the tradition, and she and Irving get separate rooms.

Next day, back on the bus, 10 hours later and still 8 hours from Miami, the bus driver gets sick. The bus company promises to send a replacement driver in the morning, so Sylvia and Irving spend another agonizing night apart at a motel.

In the morning, they're off again on the bus with the new driver when, unbelievably, the bus breaks down about 4 hours from Miami. Even more incredible, the bus needs a special part that has to be overnighted, so the driver informs all the travelers that they have to spend yet one more night at a motel.

As Sylvia and Irving go to check in, Irving wearily requests 2 rooms, but Sylvia interrupts and says to make it just one room. That night, Sylvia and Irving have a wild and passionate evening of lovemaking and, finally, they are literally man and wife. The next morning, after the bus is repaired and as they board, Irving adoringly looks at his wife and asks her why she changed her mind, though he's happy she did.

"Well," Sylvia says "when we were getting off the bus last night for the third time, I overheard one passenger complaining that by the time we get to Miami, the f***ing season will be over!"

Answer 4

This man walked into a bar that was on the third story of a sky scraper. He ordered a drink and sat next to an obviously drunk man. The drunk man ordered a gin from the bar tender, drank it, then ran full speed to the window and jumped out it. A few seconds later the drunk man appeared at the entrance to the bar, without a scratch on him, sat back down, ordered another gin, drank it, then jumped out the window again. After appearing at the door to the bar again, the other man asked the drunk, "How do you keep doing that?" The drunk replied, "I just take a swig of gin, jump out the window, and I always end up back in the bar." "Really?" asked the man. The drunk nodded, so the man took a swig of gin, ran towards the window, jumped and fell to his death. The bar tender looked at the drunk and said, "Superman, you're jerk when you're drunk."

Answer 5

Like purely there have been 3 of the acquaintances: individual a million: you comprehend my Grandfather is a soldier and in wars, he killed one hundred human beings on a similar time. His call is Philip. individual 2: this is not something to my Grandfather, Philipo. He killed 2 hundred human beings on a similar time. All : Wow!!! individual 3: My Grandfather is likewise a soldier named Phil. He killed purely 2 human beings. individual a million & 2: Ha! Our Grandfathers are greater powerful than yours! this is impossible that Phil is clever! individual 3: Is my tale complete? individual a million & 2: No. Sorry. individual 3: My Grandfather, Phil killed Philip and Philipo the large infantrymen. individual a million & 2: Oops. Phil killed our Lolos? Wow a large survivor! individual 3: See.... All: Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!! the top! desire you enjoyed it!

Answer 6

January 1, 2009


HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT Hillary Clinton

Was sworn in today as President.

She has disposed of Bill and is spending her
first night alone in the White House.

She has waited several years for this.

FIRST NIGHT

Suddenly!

The ghost of George Washington appears to her,

and Hillary says,
"How can I best serve my country?"

Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."

SECOND NIGHT

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Jefferson says,
"Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."

THIRD NIGHT

On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...
Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"

Lincoln says,

"Go to the theater."

Answer 7

Q : whats that wrinkly thing on grandma ?

A : Grandpa

Answer 8

What's green and goes up and down ?

Nope, not a frog...... a booger in an elevator!

Answer 9

a bum picks up cigarette butts to roll his own. it takes 6 butts to make a cigarette, he has 36 how many rolled cigarettes can he make?

Answer 10

Nope....Sorry!