How can I get my 11yr old daughter to come straight home from school?

Question

Friday, my daughter went by a friends house right after school.
She never bothered to ask permission. We didn't find her till 6 o'clock. I grounded her for the weekend and my husband thinks I was too lenient with her. Was I?

What would you do if that were your daughter?

Answer 1

I think that if it were my 11 year old (which I do have) that she would have been grounded a bit longer than that.
Let alone no TV or anything that plugs in or takes batteries.
Not knowing where your child is at all times is very serious. Many bad things could happen to her.
Talk to her and explain why it is so important that you know where she is at all times. Make sure you let her know that she got off easy this time and that if she does it again then sh will loose all of her privileges and have to go to bed early too

Answer 2

Yes, you were a little lenient in my opinion. An 11 year old child has no business going anywhere without seeking permission from his/her parents. If it were me, I'd sit down with her while the news is on or let her read a newspaper or something where she can see just how dangerous the world is today. Children are coming up missing and/or dead all too often, and sometimes it's only because kids think they are invincible and can do whatever they please. Talk to her and try to get her to understand that asking permission to go places is not only something she do out of respect and consideration for you and your husband, but because if anything were to happen then at least you know where she is supposed to be. I went through such a phase, and my mom asked me how I would feel if she was supposed to be home at a certain time and just didn't show up...or left me at school waiting to be picked up and didn't call or show. I would have been devastated...which is how my mom felt when I didn't call or let her know where I was. Maybe you should pose the same question to your daughter.

Also, I would work on enforcing stricter punishments. Being grounded for the weekend isn't all that harsh...it's only a couple of days. I would take away the things she enjoys...TV, game system, etc. for a while and she still wouldn't be able to go anywhere besides school, church, and places like that. Be sure to explain the rules of your household to her as well. She needs to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what is expected of her and what will happen if she chooses to be disobedient. Good luck.

Answer 3

OK, she might be starting the whole teen rebellion stuff a little early. Have you stated rules that she is expected to come straight home? I know with my 6th grader if it is not expressly stated, she will start taking liberties....

If it was an honest first offense, I think your discipline was reasonable - but you have to set the expectation for the future. You can make it a rule that she calls home from a friend's house and asks if she may stay for a while. You can insist that she make plans a day in advance so you know where she is going and whether there will be adult supervision. (This is what I do.) You can give her a cell phone with GPS so you can always locate her (unless she turns it off). You can get a piece of jewelry with a gps chip in it to locate her.

The bottom line is, she is growing up and she will want to have a social life. As the parent, it is your job to set the rules and expectations about how she conducts her social life. I have found that knowing who the friends are makes it much easier for me to grant or deny permission on a case by case basis.

Answer 4

You were right to punish her. If she does it again, then you punish her again more harshly. If she does it again, then even more harshly.

You need to send the message that every time she does this, there will be an unpleasant consequence for her. She will eventually get the picture. Even the most stubborn kids do.

Grounding doesn't work on all kids. Some kids don't care to go outside much. What you have to do if grounding isn't working for you is to find something she really loves and take it away for a while. That'll teach her good.

Remember, your responsibility is NOT to be her friend. Your responsibility is to make her into a responsible adult that is prepared to face the hard chalenges of life.

Answer 5

There's no generic guidelines as to what constitutes a just punishment. It depends on how responsible the child is otherwise.

For example, my oldest daughter has consistently been more responsible than my youngest one, and not just because she's older. If the same thing happened with my oldest daughter, and it was the first time something like this happened, a weekend grounding would be more than sufficient because I know she wouldn't do it again without letting us know. My youngest daughter, on the other hand, would merit a stricter punishment (loss of TV time in addition to a longer grounding, for example).

The same can be seen in our general society. If you get convicted of a crime, like drunk driving, for example, the punishment is worse if you've had prior convictions (i.e., shown less responsibility in the past).

Answer 6

Way too lenient. I did that once and I was grounded for two weeks and had all privileges taken away, and I can't say I blame my parents with the rate of abductions even then. Every time she does it, add a week to grounding, or find a way to pick her up at school and BE THERE WAITING as she's leaving her last class.

Answer 7

When my daughter was about 6 she tried that. I flipped out. I totally embarrassed her in front of her friend. She has never done it again. She knows if she goes ANYWHERE she better stay there. If she goes to Kristian's house she stays there. If she wants to go ANYWHERE ELSE, ANYWHERE, she calls me or comes home first. At 11 you are behind the score. Get with it Mom, cause you are being tooooo lenient. WAY to lenient.

Answer 8

Now try sit your child down and explain the dangers that are lurking out there, even what can happen while she is at people's house how dangerous it is, tell her of the things that you see on televison almost daily that are happening to children, and how unsafe it is to be even walking on the street certain hours, perhaps you work and is not able to pick her up after school, but if you dont i will suggest you go get her after school are ask some one who is available to do it for you because you cant be too safe but there are some sick people lurking out there,

Answer 9

You cant necessarily get her to come straight home from school. She should have called you. I think you were to lenient. Maybe a week would have been better. Does she have a cell phone?
If it was my daughter she would have been punished for at least a week. Good luck

Answer 10

okay this is gonna sound crazy, but it worked for me. EMBARRASSMENT!!! My twin daughters thought they didn't have to come straight home after school either, so I politely went over their friends house and WENT OFF!!! Oh and I went in my pajama's and my hair was tied up in a scarf. I never had this problem again, and I didn't have to punish them. Seems like all they cared about was getting me outta there fast as possible, now I just threaten to show up a mess and they do as I say no questions asked.

Good Luck!!!!!!!!!!!