I'm seeing a guy (long-distant) we're not officially in a relationship cuz of the distance i.e. we haven't discussed monogamy. He told me he's slept with a woman, not once, but twice. He said he's done this cuz he thinks cuz of my 'high sex drive' that I'm sleeping around also. What's so funny bout the whole thing is that he wants a relationship. Is he trying to make me think about this other girl sleeping with him, so I am more inclined to secure a relationship with him?! I told him last night, that if she wants to f**k him again, then she's gonna have to ask me for permission, he said "I will do that and asked since when did you become boss?!". Is he taking this seriously? what do you think I should do? I don't want to end it with him.
2007-01-25 02:48:20 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I really want to be with him! To be honest, I've slept with someone behind his back but I'm not telling him. Do you think I should talk to him about everything I want? also, at least he's being honest unlike me!
2007-01-25 02:56:13 · update #1
Whether or not it's true, I am pretty sure he told you to make you jealous.
If he DOES want you to commit, all you have to do now is decide if that's what you want as well. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons, and if you DO promise to be faithful -- keep your promise. Hopefully he will also keep his. But you know him much better than I do -- do you think he can and will be with only you?
Good luck!
2007-02-02 01:53:46 · answer #1 · answered by mistaken4sane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you desire monogamy, then he needs to be told this. Don't assume that he knows what you want. If he desires you and another female, and you desire monogamy, then neither of you want the same thing. In order for the two of you to stay together, both of you have to love each other enough to do one of two things: 1 Either forsake all other, if that is what you want. 2 Or accept his being not monogamous. Either way you have to tell him what you really desire. Your sex drive is not why he slept with the other woman. His own heart and mind settled that. If you're hurt that he did this, you owe him no further explanation. He cannot use any thing you did after the fact to justify himself. I'm not here to judge anyone. I'm not sure monogamy is for every one, or the only deal in town. If his sleeping with the other really hurt you, he's not going to know or care unless you tell him. Matter of fact, ask him whether he loves you. That is what I think should settle the whole matter.
2016-05-23 22:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH my ...how about "Trust is the emotional glue that bonds people together" There is no trust from either of you and both of you need to decide if there is a future together. Long Distance relationships are hard enough but when there is no trust..it really doesn't matter. as for not ending it with him then you shouldn't be cheating either. At least he told you he slept with someone else. that doesn't make it right but he was being honest about it. Monogamy in my opinion comes when 2 people Love and trust each other ...completely..and when you decide that your partners trust is more important than a roll with someone else.
2007-02-02 02:06:23 · answer #3 · answered by Michael M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not officially in a relationship then he makes up the rules. Do what is right for you and what makes you happy. This clearly isn't making you happy and you need to clarify the relationship status with him either way. Long distance is difficult and men do have needs, but he thinks you're sleeping around and therefore he's doing this out of his own insecurities. Pride or what have you. Seems to me he's attention seeking and teasing making you chase him telling him that you don't like him doing this and that. Either way talk it through with him.
2007-01-25 03:02:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl take it from me he is going to continue to sex her with or with out your permission you better believe that.As far as a long distant relationship trust me you think you are in one but your not he is already in one with her if he slept twice that you know of what you need to do is keep you and him as a close friend and find you someone who can handle your desires someone who is on your level or above and keep it moving cuz when a man gets mad like that your really just pushing him closer or that is a sign that he's already there with her and your just the friend. MOVE ON TOO MANY MEN OUT THERE THAT ARE LOCAL. good luck keep your head up.
2007-01-25 03:01:52 · answer #5 · answered by MsDeelover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa whoa whoa, the fact that you are having this problem and a past of him thinking that you are sleeping around tells me that you and him are having some communication problems. Communication is one of major determinate of whether a relationship will survive. Being long distant does not help your situation especially if you are both unable to trust the other person. If he is just saying these things to make you jealous then you don't deserve these childish games, plus I don't think that this is the case since men are less likely to be so manipulative with their game playing. Please don't think me rude by saying this. I wish you the best of luck. If you don't want him sleeping around then just lay it out on the line and tell him not to.
2007-02-02 02:03:03 · answer #6 · answered by dfische7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. The problem here is NEITHER OF YOU are being honest with each other, yet you're blaming and accusing each other of exactly what you are doing!
The #1 rule of an open relationship is complete honesty at all times, which neither of you seem to be able to do.
You both need to come clean with each other, start fresh, and then decide what you want to do.
This relationship is already off to a bad start and I don't see it getting any better.
2007-01-30 08:15:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this but if it were me I'd make him an ex. I know you don't want to do that but if he's willing to do that to just to make you jealous and commit to a relationship with him at this early stage in the game just think what he will do if he really got mad at you once the two of you are in a relationship. Either way just be careful. Maybe just a friendship right now and think about commitment later. If he really likes you and wants to keep you he won't mind waiting.
2007-01-25 02:57:02 · answer #8 · answered by flutterby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is there. If you do not want to share him then tell him. But the excuse that you have a high sex drive is lame. He slept with her more than once because he wanted too. He will be inclined to do it again with others as well. Can you live with that?
2007-01-25 02:54:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has slept with another woman, you are not the woman for him, your sex drive has nothing to do with his sex drive wants and need to satisfied. He will not stop and he will have another woman ask you for permisssion, if she does she stupid, what would be the need to tell you anything you are not around, near to know or find out, long distance realtionships are what they are long distance. if you think this guy will be committed to you, you have a problem you are a fantasy to him. how do you secure a relationship with a man who cheats, yeah secure your turn in line.
2007-01-25 02:57:22 · answer #10 · answered by ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋