Relationship issues please help!?

Question

I've been dating this guy exclusively for a little over a month. We are both in out late twenties. He is wonderful to me. Sweet, kind, warm ect.... I enjoy the time we spend together. One of the problems is that I have had a series of bad relationships where trust and infedelity have played a major role in its downfall. My man admits he has dated LOTS of women but says all of that went out the window when he met me. I don't want to doubt his sincerity but I can't seem to totally believe him. His ex keeps calling, other women he's dated calling, and he tells them he has a GF now but STILL it doesn't seem to put my mind at ease . My second issue is that he is really overprotective of me. I have guyfriends who I hang out with. I have no problem having us all hang out together but he seems to get upset when it's just me and my friends. Is this trust issues on his side? We have talked about these issues into the ground. How can we make this work? THX

Answer 1

baby girl, first, tell him how uncomfortable you are about girls calling him. ask him to change the number or call block. it's only right things to do. second, going out are suppose to be just you two. why would your guys friend be in the picture? if you guys are serious about this relationship, it needs to be some sacrifices. trust is the key to any healthy relationship, but you'll always need to have one foot on the ground.

Answer 2

Hi j,
Firstly do you want to make this relationship work? Well my friend you need to sit down with him and get things striaght, like his girl's issue's, that just has to go, i mean tell him how you feel abt him and this issue, clearly its troubling you otherwise you would'nt be telling us, right, an "Ex" should be just that, end of story, which means he must make it clear to them and stop entertaining their attemps! But the problem with this one is that you both have to sit down and COMMUNICATE,it is the key to any sucessful realationship, talk about everything and anything that has to do with your relationship, hectic yes but you NEED to start things on a very clean slate! Your relationship is fairly new, give it time but also make it clear to yourself and him about what u want! Otherwise you are going through a very emotional rollacoster, which in the end would've wasted soo much of your time and believe me you don't need that!Listen i can go on and on... if you need advise or have questions based on this, write me, [e-mail]. Or even better get a book called "HIS NOT THAT INTO YOU" BY GREG ! Bruttally honest, but you'll love it!!

Good Luck, not that you need it!

Answer 3

well, i aint qualified for this, but i'll tell u what i think..

there're lotsa possibilities here, of which only u can find out.. he might be honest; he might not be... u might wanna ask his close friends n acquaintances about his character.. is he an honest man? is he a man of his words? is he careful with his words? or does he usually spout flatteries n "i love u"s like fastfood pamphlets?.. cuz i think people's characteristics don't really change much, so his background might show some answer to ur doubts...

about the protective thing, i aint so sure what to say.. if he's really honest in the first part, it might be normal for him to be possessive... cuz now -after all that dating- he knows that u're the one for him..and he ain't gonna let u go.. BUT if he's fake, than i can't explain the protective part..
but in both cases, -as much as i'd hate to say it- i guess u outta talk it out with him a lil more.. say that sometimes u need some freedom for ur friends.. if u mean it, tell him that he can trust u.. tell him that as much as u feel uncomfortable about his exgirlfriends yet trust his faithfulness to u, u'd like him to trust u... (but once u've said this, ANY wrong or suggestive acts, on purpose or accidental, might ruin EVERYTHING..so be careful..)

in the end, i don't think it'll be any easier.. but this is how relationships grow right?..trust.... the basis of any relationship.. well, it's actually the toughest part too... cuz we're livin in a world where we can't trust anybody.. but hey, if u love him, then im guessin u'd learn to trust him -even if slowly- n u'd be willin to wait for him.. right?...

Answer 4

I have gone through this with my girlfriend, now fiancee. I went to counseling to deal with these feelings...obviously much of it has to do with trust and no matter who you are, being vulnerable to another person is difficult. I had to realize that my feelings were issues that were crazy because they were totally invalid for the situation at hand. I had to bite my tongue at times when I wanted to act jealous and I had to let the feelings go.

Without this sounding silly, its a real opportunity for the two of you to bond over this. I know it worked out well for my relationship because I couldn't always hold my feelings in so I had to speak with my girl. And I continued to share with her. And she started sharing with me. And it really opened up a pattern of communication that we still share to this day. The key is not to get angry at the other person but instead try to understand them. Its much harder to work things out when you feel like you are defending yourself instead of explaining yourself.

By the way, months later, I realized how silly I was at the beginning. The feelings go away as the "risk" of being hurt lessons. Meaning, if my girlfriend was the player I built up in my head, she would have played me already. And at that point I realized that all one can do is act in good faith. Its hard at times. And others don't always. But keep your side of the street clean and keep your head up. Every relationship goes through this at some point and it is very very difficult! The worthwhile ones are the ones that inexplicably stick through the hard parts to find out that the other side is much much better. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

The best thing you can do, is to let it go. He tells his ex-girlfriends that he is with you now, and he has been honest about it from the start. They still contact him so he is obviously a nice person.

Trust him more, and he will trust you in turn. Easy to say and hard to do, you may think. But it is the only solution.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Honesty is probably the best. It sounds like you both have the same issue. Be as open as you can about where your going. Their are many bad men out their but you can find the occasional good one. Follow your head, im sure it will tell you what you need to no.

Answer 7

Just like you don't want girls calling him he doesn't want guys calling you. If you want him to trust you with your guy friends then you must trust him when girls call him. After all it works both ways. He may be friends w/ his ex's and that may be all that is going on there.

Answer 8

me and my gf are going through teh same thing almost her exs keep calling and every thing else and all these guys keep telling her to leave me adn to go out with them. all you have to do is prove to him that you will always be true to him and wont chete on him sounds like he has gone through alot of bad erlationships and is over protective because he thinks you will leave him for one of your friends. just give him some time he'll come around. good luck

Answer 9

hi,.. myself ss.. to start up with.. as u have told ur boyfriend has admitted that he earlier had gone for date with other girls.. which itself proves his innocence,. he could have done it other wayalso.. he could have hide the fact of dating from u.. but he dint.. and second thing if he is just to date and go,,, he would not over react when u are with ur friends,, it shows his possesiveness and it happens because of fear of loosing some one very dear to us..
(this is what i think .. each human brain has its own way of thinking and it may vary from person to person ) .. thanks SS ([e-mail])

Answer 10

Well you can ask him to change his # and not give it out to these other women.

You on the other hand need to include him in hanging out with your friends and don't hang out by yourself with the guy friends.