I have a two married friends Adam and Melissa. Their marriage has been a little rocky but they are trying to work things out. Adam thinks things are going better while Melissa is just putting up with him. We also have a friend named John. (who is one of my closests friends) He shows me text messages from Melissa all the time talking about how she feels a connection with him, joking about quickies, and how she wants to have something with him etc. Now John and Adam have been best friends for as long as I can remember. So Adam will talk to John about his marriage and how he feels things are going better and John will be like thats great and encourage him to keep trying. Isn't that wrong? I feel so bad for Adam but I don't really think it's my place to tell him. Should I tell John to tell him what's going on? I would hate to have Adam find out and be seriously hurt. Help!!
2007-01-25 01:55:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
John should put an end to the test messages by telling Melissa that he isn't interested since Adam is his friend and suggest to John that they see a counselor to try to work out the marriage problems. If she is doing that, the marriage will end unless they get help and Adam will need both you and John for support during a divorce and afterwards.
2007-01-25 02:07:24 · answer #1 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should talk to John about this. Tell John it's not right to keep this from Adam. Adam deserves to know, he's in a marriage and trying his best to make the marriage work, If I were Adam, I'd want to know about my wife, I'd divorce her, Melissa isn't even trying to stay in the marriage... and regardless, shes still married at the moment, she shouldn't be texting another guy and joking about quickies. And she has definitely crossed the line by sending these messages to her husbands best friend.
Adam needs to know. end of story.
2007-01-25 10:02:12 · answer #2 · answered by britt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
John shouldnt really be interfering with this, although adam has a right to know, but if you tell him he might get upset thus ruin the relationship even further. If i were you i would just leave them alone, melissa will eventually break it off with adam and then adam can hear it from her not you.
Its good you care about adams feelings, but just let him find out for himself. Melissa must still have some sort of feelings for adam if shes still married to him:)
2007-01-25 10:00:42 · answer #3 · answered by AussieGal777 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
adam needs to know what is really going on. he is just setting himself up for a big heartbreak. you AND john need to sit down with him and tell him what is going on with the texts and stuff....unless john is not telling you everything. he may be sleeping with melissa and not letting on, which makes him an enemy and not a friend. he is on the border of being an enemy to adam now by not telling him or showing him the text messages. as johns best friend, he should have his back..always. regardless of alienating himself from any other friends(melissa). and the same goes for you----if you consider yourself a true friend to adam. melissa is obviously not who adam believes her to be, and has an issue with the "faithful" part of her marriage vows. hurt adam now so he is not devastated by her later. i went through this scenario in my life, and it went to far, and was destroyed. if i knew sooner what was going on, i may have suffered alot less. you also need to have a serious talk with john about his priorities when it comes to friends and women, and the code and morals and ethics involved. if he is not the friend he claims to be, then i'd advise you step into the position for adams sake.
2007-01-25 10:12:00 · answer #4 · answered by beechjb 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
John is playing with fire!!! If he is such a good friend to Adam then he would talk to Adam about Melissa's behavior and text messages. Friends dont do friends that way! You need to basically give John an ultimatum!! Either John goes to Adam and speaks to him about this and quit stringing him along with false hopes.. or you will go to Adam and then it could be damaging to John and Adam's friendship. If John hasnt done anything wrong then he shouldnt worry about telling adam. But it seems to me that maybe John is enjoying Melissa's advances and that he might not want it to end. If he wants Melissa.. then he needs to be honest with Adam about that as well. He cannot sit back and do this behind his friends back!! Why encourage Adam if he knows that Melissa is looking for greener pastures.. with him!!! If he were a real man he would tell Melissa that he was no longer excepting her actions as ok and that he will not be involved in hurting his friend. ANd if John isnt going to ber man enough to tell Melissa to back off and talk to his friend about it.. then you may need to step in and tell Adam he needs to talk to Melissa and john about it. You dont need to go into details.. I would just tell him.. Adam,, I am not going to spread rumours.. but I think you need to have a serious talk with John and Melissa about what they are doing. And let Adam take it from there. I honestly feel there is no easy way about this.. one way or another Adam is going to be hurt. But by you sitting back and also knowing about this and not telling adam.. you are just as guilty of allowing this to happen. Dont let your friendship with adam be ruined by these other 2 people with no morals. Just dont be catty and obnoxious about it when you do talk to him.
2007-01-25 10:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by aurora1963_2000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend John that he should come clean with his buddy Adam... especially if the texting gets more spicy... It's not right... You would also do good to speak with Melissa to see what her real intentions are for her marriage...
2007-01-25 10:11:45 · answer #6 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Steelypen, Melissa is playing both of your friends. Confront her first and see what that does. If she refuses to tell her husband than it's up to you whether or not you want to. If he truly is a best friend and you feel he needs to know the truth then by all means tell him. Just know he may not take it receptively. He may take her side if she denies it. In the end he will see her for who she is and thank you in the long run,
2007-01-25 10:07:09 · answer #7 · answered by heatherlc02 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
But, what if you tell Adam and he doesnt believe you. You need evidence. Some how show him the text messages. Or get everyone together for a cook out or something and confront everyone together.
2007-01-25 10:06:40 · answer #8 · answered by aarena19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should tell john to tell adam or else their relationship is going to end really bad when Adam finds out for himself
2007-01-25 09:59:34 · answer #9 · answered by short moma 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are the only one that knows about all of this then tell
both and get it over with. this is not right and everyone will be hurt anyway, eventually. end it the best you can.
by knowing and keeping silent will eventually go to you because you do know.so end it ....
2007-01-25 10:02:25 · answer #10 · answered by StarShine G 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋