issues stem from finances. I make more money then he does. I have a higher education than he (Master's Degree). While he only had one year of college. While we have been seeing each other he has been living at my house. After the new year I gave him a key. Even before that he had been staying there. The only thing I ask him is to give me about 400 dollars a month towards the bills. My bills all together are about 1500 a month. He is now on unemployment and he receives his checks about every two weeks. Sometimes they come late and I question him if he has gotten paid. Today I did and he became upset. He says we are not married and I haven't earned the right to inquire about his finances. That we haven't even been together a year yet. He says once he has bills in his name and we find a place of our own then I can have that privledge. He says he's not even going to tell me when he is getting paid or anything.
I am upset by this because when I ask him it's only because I don't like to
2007-01-25 01:53:07 · 7 answers · asked by dezolatestorm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
have my bills paid late. It's not like I ask him and he hands me over money to go out with my friends, shop or anything like that. He has never given me money to do anything at my leisure. It's only been for the bills are for groceries(barely). Now he's acting like i'm money hungry. He says he had a credit card for like 3 weeks but he didn't want to tell me because I would see that as extra money. I'm not sure if I want to be in this relationship if he's acting like this. What should I do?
2007-01-25 01:55:54 · update #1
My mom says he is not living there he is just staying there... he is there everynight, but he doesn't have any closet space... he brings his clothes periodically from his parent's house.
2007-01-25 04:01:37 · update #2
Oh my...I feel that if he's already getting stubborn about this...then it will only get worse. You have to ask yourself this question. Are you willing to deal with this issue forever? He won't change until he gets out there and gets a job and starts making some money. Which, by the way, why isn't he working? He has no reason to not be out there looking for work. Or going back to school. He is acting like he doesn't want to "better himself". You have every right to receive the money the two of you agreed upon. If he's not willing to give you the money by that certain date every month...then it's time for him to find his own place. If there are circumstances as to why he can't give you the money by a certain date....then he needs to explain to you about his finances. You are not his bank or parents. What would he do if the roles were reversed? I guarantee he'd probably want to know more information on your pay schedule so you two could work together and figure out when you can pay him.
2007-01-25 02:04:30 · answer #1 · answered by Traci D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in your situation, and the problem is that he's probably feeling demoralized because he knows he should be earning more money and isn't. You need to figure out if you can really live with him and this issue, because it's not going away. You aren't married yet, but are already seem so stressed out. If you decide to try to make it work you should talk to him and tell him you're not always after his money, but just want to help him out. Also you worry about making bills and if he can't pay you on time, could he please just let you know in advance, rather than you having to ask him. Ask him if he's worried about finance too, and if there's any way you can help, even it's just looking for job postings or something.... If things don't improve, or he doesn't seem to want to work with you one this...I agree you might need to consider having him move out. He can go stay with his parents, it's not like you're throwing him out in the cold.
2007-01-25 05:37:58 · answer #2 · answered by Curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been where you have been before and it kind of sucks. You love him and don't want to damage your relationship, yet at the same time, your needs aren't being met. If I can save you any time (I wish someone had for me), I would recommend that you kindly ask him to leave (using his same argument - "it's only been a year"). Tell him that since he currently doesn't consider you a "team" that you will discontinue to as well. Get your key back and grab your power of self. He obviously doesn't know what a great gal he's got, but he will probably figure it out when he is sleeping on a park bench somewhere. I say this because it doesn't seem that he respects what you do for him. Some other guy out there will see in you what your current guy doesn't (that you're fabulous and deserve to be treated so). Good luck!
2007-01-25 02:18:47 · answer #3 · answered by jen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This may be easier said than done, but he needs to leave. You need to tell him it's not working with you living together and he needs to find someone else. If he is getting unemployment, he is brining in some kind of income, so he will be more than ok to get his own place. I'm not saying end things but living together is not the option right now. Especially if he is going to say it's not your place to ask about his finances -- It is your place b/c he is living with you! The bills aren't in him name, so paying them late won't effect him, they will effect you. Get him out as soon as you can.
2007-01-25 02:01:50 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let me tell you something and don't get offended. ARE YOU STUPID?when you have a life ahead of you and your partner doesn't, your just wasting your time. he is making excuses knowing that your going to fall for it, on top of that its not his apartment and he taken control. living off you like your his mother. and about him saying "not married and I haven't earned the right to inquire about his finances" LIKE WHAT? YOU WAS SUPPOSE TO SAY " YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE AND YOU WILL HELP ME OUT OR GET THE BOOT" EVERYTHING GOES 50/50. if you don't leave him your never going to be happy and get yourself a guy who really wants to do something with his life and appreciate you.(WANNA TALK MY EMAIL IS alizecrave155@yahoo.com)
2007-01-25 02:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by jennifer s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to get his own place and then evaluate your relationship. Now it seems he is just using you. He feels no responsibility towards the bills.
2007-01-25 02:01:12 · answer #6 · answered by mnwomen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's insecure and see's you as better then himself and he's probably alittle bit jeolous and feels that you don't need him for "man" duties such as income because you can handle yourself. Your unsure about the relationship so I don't see how it can actually work, but you know best!
2007-01-25 02:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by missinmybaby 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋