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After 1 1/2 years together, my ex broke up with me because of "incompatibility." We stayed friends & still hung out. Sometime later, his friend calls me to check up on me. We would talk almost everyday like most friends do. Eventually, we started hanging out and became FWB. My ex asked me was anything going on b/w me and his friend, & I told him yes. I understand him being upset, but I was with his friend because there was a mutual attraction b/w us, and we were both single, not because he was my ex's friend. My ex said he probably got what he deserved because he cheated on me. He said what I did was wrong & I should've thought about his feelings, but he should've followed his own advice b4 cheating on me, & I was faithful to him. A few days ago he comes to my job to buy gas. If he's mad at me, why come 2 my job knowing that I'm there? I think it was an excuse 2 c me. I want 2 call and check on him, but a friend said not to. I feel since I was single, I did nothing wrong. Any advice?

2007-01-25 01:34:46 · 19 answers · asked by wallflower 2 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

By the way, the friend and I aren't together anymore either. I guess when I told the ex about it, the friend hasn't bothered to respond to my texts I sent him 3 days ago. I guess I don't exist anymore to him. I guess he was only going to keep seeing me until his friend found out, and he was the one who wanted it to be kept secret. I'm not going to call the friend again because since he hasn't answered me back, that tells me all I need to know about him. I just want to see if it's possible to stay friends with the ex...

2007-01-25 03:58:34 · update #1

19 answers

I think the reason why your ex is so mad is because he eaither 1) still has some feelings for you or 2) he wants you to want him. Jelousy is really hard to get over when break ups happen. I think you should still try and be friendly to your ex, and see how he responds, but I wouldnt be giving him another chance (if it ever came to that again). Trust needs to be a big part of a relationship. If its not there then suspision grows and it ussually doesnt work out! :o)

2007-02-01 12:57:19 · answer #1 · answered by Jessica :o) 3 · 1 0

Most times it is not such a good idea for dating anyone's ex's friends or relatives because it makes things more complicated as the two involved try to move on with their lives. Sounds as if you did not do this intentually and the friendship between his friend and you just happened to flourish into something more. If this guy is a nice guy and is not just with you as a competition ploy against his buddy, then by all means continue the relationship. Your ex will just have to deal with it, as you said, you are single and therefore free to make choices in your life. But please make sure that your intentions were not to hurt and that the other guys intentions are not either. Good luck to you both!

2007-01-25 01:44:08 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0 0

I dont think what you did was wrong since you are single. However it might have been better if you talked to your ex about it first. That way he would have found out from you before hand and he could hae dealt with it then. Hearing htings after the fact can be hurtful and he might think that if its the kind of thing you have to hide from him than something shady is going on. In the future give the heads up.

2007-01-25 02:19:46 · answer #3 · answered by Courtney C 5 · 0 0

Four years of a relationship is a very long time but look at it from this point of view. If you were still together...would the two of you be happy or miserable? From the sound of it you two would be miserable and the best thing for you to have done was to break up with him. Since you did break up with him that made him a free man and opened up doors for other girls. (In other words he's no longer yours.)..and your friend took advantage of the oppertunity to be with him. Honestly I think you need to get over it and just move on. There are PLENTY of other men out there just waiting for that "special someone". Who knows...you could be the girl for one of them. Just let go of the past and move on. You will be alot happier. Good Luck! : )

2016-05-23 22:09:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

This is called.. I dont want to be commited to her but I dont want her to be with anyone else either!! Sorry but he cant have it both ways. If knowing you are with his best friend is bothering him, then he isnt mature enough to let go and let you have a life. I would simply tell him... Im sorry but YOU were the one who decided we were INCOMPATABLE ( how I hate that). I have moved on with my life and I will not be made to feel guilty for whom I have chosen to be with. He needs to grow up and let it go. If he continiues to come to your work and cause you grief. then get a restraining order on him. Your work place is not a place for him to be causing issues. If he were a real gentleman he would wait until he could talk to you in a mature and calm manner away from others. Im sure there are other gas stations he could go to in town!! Maybe you should consider that staying friends with him was not the best thing to do.? Sometimes guys cant differentiate between being friends and being boyfriend/ girlfriend. You were a couple for a long time and he may still see you as "his" even tho he says he doesnt want to be with you. He needs to get out of that mentality and move on. As do you. What do you need his approval for anyway? Are you happy? Is your new boyfriend happy in the relationship? If so then go on with your life.. he let you go. Tell him flat out.. either you back off and allow me to live my life.. or we cant even speak and be friends... your choice. Then live your life. Not to make him happy.. but for you. He had his chance... he blew it. Move on. And as for calling him.. I would chew my fingers off at the knuckles before I would pick up the phone and call him. !!! Dont do it. He didnt care enough about you to stay faithful to you.. why should you put yourself out on a limb emotionally for him now. End the so called friendship.. it isnt healthy for either of you. It sounds to me like he is trying to control you even tho you are not a couple any more. Dont give him that power!

2007-01-25 01:49:50 · answer #5 · answered by aurora1963_2000 2 · 0 0

The typical have the cake and eat it too scenario!

Sometimes things happen for a reason, other times they happen because you weren't thinking straight (alcohol, drugs, depression, etc.).
Find out why it happened- if you've learnt a lesson from it, and move on.
The best way is to put yourself in the other's shoes- would you want to be friends with a guy who cheated on you because you weren't compatible and then find out he slept with the first chick that walked past? I think you'd find it more than awkward, too!

2007-02-02 01:12:17 · answer #6 · answered by canguroargentino 4 · 0 0

first of all, why would you want to be friends with a guy that cheated on you? that shows that he has little or no respect for you and your feelings.
the guys code stipulates that if one friend would like to approach another's ex, he must ask permission before tapping that.
you were perfectly honest with him when he asked if there was anything going on. last time i checked that's what friends did - the honesty part.
if i have any advice for you now; stop trying to hang onto the past. you need time apart from one another to move on properly. and dating his friends doesn't count.
trust me there; i could only form a lasting friendship with my ex a year or so after we broke up (and even then it was only because she didn't cheat on me and i on her).

2007-02-02 00:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by gogs 1 · 1 0

I dont think you did anything wrong, and if you were friends with this new guy while you were dating your ex doesnt mean that you cant stay friends with new people you meet. I would not call the ex...leave it aloone, he is just jealous and obviously very controlling. And dont forget he cheated on YOU!!

2007-01-25 01:42:03 · answer #8 · answered by brazilian76 3 · 0 0

First off, his friend didn't call just to "check up on you." He called because he was interested.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Your ex really has more of a case to be mad at his friend than at you. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

2007-02-01 16:07:15 · answer #9 · answered by mistaken4sane 4 · 0 0

If he cheated on you, he is worth being your friend anyway. As far as his friend goes, he was probably just using you to get information for your ex, that way he could try and make it look like you were cheating to, to try and get you back.

2007-02-01 12:53:02 · answer #10 · answered by Amy C 1 · 0 0

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