any good jokes?

Question

anythig funny... best joke gets best ansewer.....yo mama, an sexist jokes are preferred!!

Answer 1

There was a man who weighed 400 pounds desperate to lose wieght. He saw a sign on a shop saying: quick weight lost in 2 hours for $40. He paid and they led him to a room.
A beautiful girl came out with the sigh "if you can catch me I'm yours!!'. He ran for two hour to catch her but could not. He lost 50 pounds. The next day he though that he was pretty close to the girl and he paid $80 for 4 hours. The same girl came and by the end he could not cacth her.he lost another 100pounds.
On the third day he paid $100 for there extreme solution for 6 hours. He was waiting in the room when the door opened and a 500 pound gorilla came with the sign 'If I catch you, you are mine'!!!!

Answer 2

one day, in 1st grade, little johnny's teacher decided to play a guessing game. "i am going to pull something out of my desk, put it behind my back, and give you some clues. i will give someone a chance to guess. she pulls out a piece of fruit and puts it behind her back. "first, i have something round, not too round and orange, not too orange. what is it? little johnny has his hand raised, but she is afraid he will say something dirty and nasty so she calls on Suzy. Suzy says, Is it an orange? " "no, it's a tangerine, but i like your thinking. OK let's do another one. i have something red, not too red, something, round, not too round. what is it?" again, she ignores little johnny. "billy, can you tell me what it is?" "is it a cherry? "no, but i like your thinking." little johnny is upset now. "if u won't let me answer one, will u let me ask one?" the teacher thought about it and cautiously says, "OK." little johnny stands up, puts his hand in his pocket and says, "okay, i have round, but not too round, long, but not too long, what is it?" at this point, the teacher knows she's made a huge mistake. johnny says, "do you give up?" the teacher says, "yes." he starts to pull his hand out of his pocket. the teacher yells, "DON'T PULL THAT OUT!!!!" johnny pulls out a pencil and said, "it's a pencil, but i like your thinking."



when God created man, she was only joking.

how many men does it take to change a toilet paper roll? noone knows, it's never been done.

how many women does it take to change a lightbulb. none, they just sit around and bi*** about it.


how many lesbians does it to change a lightbulb? none. they just sit around and write folk songs about it.

Answer 3

yo mama so fat when i cut her grease drips out

Answer 4

1.) Sexy blonde?
a blonde women walks in to a sex shop and says to the manager
"can i buy that vibrater please"
and the manager replies
"sorry, we dont serve blondes"
so the women walks out of the shop. she dyes her hair brown and goes back to the shop the next day and says to the manager
"can i buy that vibrater please"
the manager replies
" i have told you, we dont serve blondes"
so the women walks out of the shop. the next day she totally disguses herself with a wig and sunglasses, she goes back to the shop and she said to the manager
" can i buy that vibrater please"
the manager replies
"i have told you we dont serve blondes"
the women was so anoyed she asked
" how do you no i am blonde"
and the manager replies
"that is not a vibrater, it is a fire extinguser"

2.) Yo mama so poor she strip @ chuckie cheese for tokens

3.)Little johnny? long joke pay attention?
Little Johnny was 12 years old and, like other boys his age, was rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from older boys and he wondered what it was like and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, his mother told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mom. "Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile then he turned off most of the lights. He then started hugging and kissing her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started to look funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart just like the doctor would do. He was not as smart as a doctor because he seemed to be having trouble finding it. "I guess he was getting sick too because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it in her skirt. About this time Sis got worse and began to moan and groan and squirm around and slide down towards the end of the couch. This is when the fever started. "I knew it was the fever because Sis said she felt real hot. Finally I found out what was making them so sick. A big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest. Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. "When Sis saw it, she got real scared, her eyes got big and her mouth fell open and started calling to God and stuff. She said it was the biggest one she ever saw...... I should have told her about the one down at the lake. "Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she made a noise and let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while her boyfriend took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel`s head to keep it from biting again. "Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor lock on it and he helped by laying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess he wanted to kill it by squeezing it between them. "After a while they both quit moving and a great sigh came forth. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, the eel was dead. I knew it was dead because it just hung there limp with some of its insides hanging out. "Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle but they went on courting anyways. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly the eel wasn`t dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats with 9-lives. "This time Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After 35 minutes of struggling, they finally killed it. I knew it was dead because I saw Sis`s boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet....."
The mother fainted.