What must I do to keep from spending my life force in conflicts?

Answer 1

Dear Guillermo: Your question is what I have tried to learn. Spiritual principles are "tough." They go against our ego thoughts. It takes courage to study Spirituality and then learn and incorporate it into our personalities. But, this is the teaching I try to adhere to:

"Everytime there is a conflict of any nature there is an "ego" in it that wants to save itself." Jealousy, for instance, is from an ego that wants to save itself from feeling "less" than another. "Those who attack are poor, but their poverty asks for gifts, not for further impoverishment. We who could help them are surely acting destructively if we accept their poverty as ours. If we did not feel as invested as they do, in the situation, it would never occur to us to overlook THEIR need. "

"If we attack back, we reinforce the idea that the ego is to be saved." (And, to be saved by attack.) "We must learn to recognize what does not matter."

"Everyone who identifies with the ego feels deprived" : Deprivation in getting ahead in the world, deprived of love and who they depended upon for that, deprived of gifts or prizes or acknowledgement - the list is endless. This is the poverty spoken of in still other ways. This is the basis for attack. Attack should be seen as a defense - in THEIR mind.

Recently, I found myself in the middle of someone's "bad mood." A neighbor I had spoken congenially with a number of times suddenly was acting filled with anger (which is fear) and attacking (which is defending). I explained my side of things, keeping in mind to relax her and "defuse" her. She kept right on raving at me. This was done in front of other people ! I kept my stand, calmly explaining away her fears. She would not listen. After attempting to calm her fears (anger) several times, quietly speaking, I could see she was beyond "hearing" me. The troubles, of course, had to do with something that had just taken place in her personal life. I knew that. I kept it in my mind every moment of the incident. Finally, when I evaluated she could not be calmed down, I finished saying what I needed to tell her and, just as quietly, turned away and walked back into my home.

Slightly shaken by her vehemence, I was, nevertheless, pleased with my actions while with her. The next time I saw her, I smiled and waved. Small response from her. Each time I saw her I smiled and waved. Although she was never again herself with me (embarrassed, I think) I felt pleased with myself - that I was integrating what I had learned from Jesus. It made me stand taller.

Since then, I have learned to use the sincerity I feel toward a "brother" who is truly upset by simply saying to them, "I have upset you, haven't I? Believe me, it was not my intention. Please know that I would never intend to upset anyone." I FEEL that - when I speak it. I have arrived at that point - I can afford to consider them ahead of myself. I will listen to their upset and know they need me - and the things that I have been taught. I "work" with them. This is integrated in me now. Hard won - integration! Finally, if I evaluate I have done nothing wrong, I will not allow anyone to take anything away from me. I'm firm, yet gentle about this. I call upon Jesus and the Holy Spirit to replace anything that was taken from me with something just as good - or better. Then, I wait. They have never failed me.

The quotes interspersed above are from "A Course in Miracles." I have spent 21 years inside the "Course."

Answer 2

avoid conflicts...

when you are faced with them.. confront them and leave them.

dont let them get to you, and realize that we are all given problems to make us stronger and smarter. so welcome them; because it will make you a better more experienced person.

Answer 3

"What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." -- Nietzsche

Conflict builds life force, it doesn't drain it.

Answer 4

not give it away...