help with my daughter please?

Question

my daughter has no respect for anyone. me and her farther parted when she was 19 months old but he gives her everything she wants when ever she wants it, he is a fat git who lives with his mum and dad still and is 38. she comes in from school when she pleases and thinks nothing of how worried i am of where she is and at 13 she should, she has no concept of what earning money means as it is given to her all the time when she wants it, by him that is not me. and don't say discuse it with him he has no idea of what compromise is. help please

Answer 1

Honey, the answer is simple..
Send the little twit to live with her father and his parents. You've had 13 years of this crap, let him have a shot at it now.
She's not going to change, and neither is he, so it seems to me that you are beating your head against a wall..
Cut the ties that bind and and gag...

Answer 2

She is old enough to understand that there are different rules at different houses. You're going to have to come down hard on her now, or else you're in for a very hard, wild ride when she's older. You have to set limits and enforce them. If she's supposed to be home at a certain time, then go find her and bring her home. Then, start picking her up from school if you have to. If she wants money from you, then she has to do chores. Set up a chore chart for her and pay her once a week. No chores done, no pay. Be assertive, but don't yell and scream. Calmly let her know what your expectations are and let her know there will be consequences. If she still won't behave, then take everything she has that she values (tv, computer, cell phone, video games, etc.). She'll have to earn them back one at a time with good behavior and she has to continue this good behavior or looses the item again. Try to reconnect with her by doing things with her that she enjoys (shopping, movies, skating, bowling, ball games, etc.). This way you're not just an enforcer of rules. This is going to be really hard. She'll get worse before she gets better. She's going to push back hard. Be calm, confident and most of all consistent. Don't back down. Your daughter is worth this time and effort. Good Luck!

Answer 3

Well i would lay down the law, drop her off and pick her up from school even if that means taking a taxi or getting a ride from a friend. I would tell her she is grounded until she can have more respect for things and until she smartedns up don't let her see her father. She treasures him so she will learn to behave and have respect once she knows your serious. I would also make her get a job, don't they have jobs for students there. If not then make her volunteer somewhere. Like maybe a homeless shelter that way she can see that those people have no money. Take away cell phones and pagers and anything else she has like that. Take away all her phone privledges, and computer privledges. I know all of this sounds harsh but it will get worse if you don't.
Good Luck!

Answer 4

I used to be like your daughter and im sorry to say that i dont think that theres really anything u can do. She will get better with age. The father is the problem as he has all the good parts by giving her what she wants when she wants it. He does't have to worry bout anything like waiting up worrying about her. She wont change as of yet and you will always seem like the harsh one. Your best to let him take care of her 4 a bit. Then he will appreciate what u go through and as the novelty wears off he will do anything to compromise with u and become more on your side. Ur daughter might even start to respext living with u more as im sure her dad wont be 2 pleased with her lack of respect when she lives with him, plus im guessin shel'll lose lots of privacy if made to live with him 4 a bit. But it'll give u a brake and teach uyour daughter and her dad a lesson or 2.

Answer 5

Personally when in a similar situation I moved. We weren't married when the child was born so he had no custody agreement. Generally about 1500 miles does the trick. I'd also suggest a small town (under 20,000) with some really wonderful features like hot pools, mountains, schools that know and CALL parents when the kids are absent. There are pleanty of good paying jobs that are NOT in large urban areas so that shouldn't be a problem. Check the nation wide job services--I know that Wyoming companies are recruiting from all over the country b/c there are not enough workers to fill the existing jobs.

Answer 6

Your the mom, she's living with you. Set the rules. Tell her what time she will be home. If she doesn't listen ground her. 13 is far too young to be thinking she's in charge. We all have rules to follow, she needs to learn that now. It's for her own safety and your sanity. Tell her father if he wants to be throwing his money around he should throw some your way so the daughter is taken care of well, instead of being your daughters piggy bank. That should be his first priority. This isn't good cop bad cop, this is life. Life is hard enough without getting messed up when you're a kid. If he doesn't listen, try talking to his parents. Maybe they could ground him. Good luck.

Answer 7

Wow, sounds a lot like my life. My oldest son is the same way. How have I dealt with it:

1) Don't give into material garbage. Don't try to "outdo" him and buy lots of stuff for because that'll re-enforce the negative behavior. She'll grow up thinking everything should be handed to her and can actually cause depression once she hits her 20's.

2) Discipline. It sucks. Here are some things I've done:
A) Everytime my son has slammed the door, I take it off the hinges. She will need to EARN her privacy - trust me this is a biggy at this age - you will be surprised what they'll do to get it back.
B) Everytime he hits his brother I remove a cherished item from his room, therefore, everytime she doesn't get home on time, oooops - there goes her television, or her phone, her computer.
C) Absolutely no allowance unless she is a contributing member of your household. We all have responsibilities and she doesn't get $$ in her pocket from you if she is not abiding by your rules; taking the garbage out, coming home on time, doing her homework.
D) Speaking of not coming home, go find her one day after school. If she's with her friends she will be mortified. It takes one good embarassing moment of mom showing up in houseslippers to never come home late again.

3) Do not allow her to speak to you as an equal. She is not, she is still a child and you will treat her as such. She will need to earn your respect as a child before she'll ever earn your respect as an adult. Remind her of that.

4) Repeat after me: "I'm sorry you feel that way." Everytime she starts whining about not getting her way say this to her. This phrase teaches her that you are acknowledging her opinion, but you are still the adult and what you say goes. End of story. Do not engage or even listen to her rants and raves.

5) Screw the ex-husband. You cannot change his parenting or lack thereof. Ignore it b/c she will form her own opinion as an adult. All you can do is raise your child in your household and the respect will come to you.

My children LOVE going to their dad's getting everything they want, but you want to know something: they love coming to my house now better. I don't have all that he does, but I do have their respect and they are becoming well-behaved in my house. I feel a little sorry for him now.

I hate to tell you, it will get worse before it gets better but STICK TO YOUR GUNS~!! I have to go know and find a drill to put my sons door back on.

Blessings to you.

PS - don't forget to come onto yahoo answers for support - it's been a wonderful tool for me!!

Answer 8

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Answer 9

well. no offence but he sounds like a complete **** to me. living with mummy and daddy still just shows how immature he is. he is buying your daughters love and your not. it is completely wrong. he should not be encouraging her to be like that. she will never grow up to be an independent person if he carries on.
at 13 she should not be coming home when she pleases but when you say so. what ever time school finishes is the time she walks home. 13 is a bad age because they tend to rebell quite a bit, but you need to show her who's boss. lay down some rules, and if she doesnt agree to them tough, the more rules she breaks the less she can go out! worked for me when i was that age. if she was 18 it would be different, but she needs to realise your not the monster she makes out, you are her mum and you are trying to help her grow up and keep her safe.
You sound like a really caring mum! good luck and if i can help you anymore contact me by email on [e-mail]

Best wishes

Gemma

Answer 10

its hard when you have two single parents for a teenager as they play one off against eachother. it also doesnt help if one is fairly strict and the other doesnt stick by rules.

shes just being reballious because your laying down the rules and she dont like rules, especially if her mates can do things that she cant. this is normal and im sorry, it'll get worse.

as a little monster in my teens, i can advice you that i wouldnt have turned out as bad as i was if i had a mum of a friend. i would have liked to have amum that i can trust and wont go off her head at me if i told her things that she wont like.

Try and give your daughter a talk about life and stuff. do this over a take away and a dvd with lots of popcorn and chocolate. have a laugh, just the two of u. when its the right time mention to her that your her mum and everything she will go through, you went through, periods, boys, sex etc: l

et her know that she can come to you freely if she has a problem without you shouting at her. try be understanding in what she tells you and never shout at her. she has to experiment for herself and you have to be there for her to talk to. she has to know that she can tell you anything with you being understanding.

have a open relationship and you'll get on great and she wont turn out as bad

Answer 11

look i raised 5 kids by myself two boys and three girls and i have one girl who she is now 18 years old was very spoiled by her dad and when she came with me she was always upset that i couldn't give her everything like her dad did, one day i sat her down and told her that mamy couldn't afford all the things that she wanted and she would have to earn the things that i could afford and it was hard for her but latter on she understood. You know what, that daddy was only buying her love and i was earning it but giving her the best that i could and for this she is more close to me then her dad.. So don't give up keep trying your best in the end it will all pay off. One thing don't let do what she want to your still her mom and in control always remember that..