My brother is killing my parents?

Question

My mother and father are supporting my brother, his wife, her mother, and their two kids... this is putting my parents in a stressful financial situation. They are depressed and my mother was in the hospital for a suspected heart attack after arguing with my brother about bills. they are asking me for money and i dont want to pay for him i have my own bills. he is older than me too. I dont know how to tell them they are adding to the problem rather than fixing it by giving him money. Any advice on how to address the situation...

Answer 1

i see you have talked to your parents, but maybe you should talk to your brother. but if i were u i would have my psrents meet in the middle, let them support the kids. because they are the two who need it. tell your brother that they will be getting only and that they need grow up and find jobs. and if your parents still want to give support tell them to give your bro a timeline of 6 months or soming to find a job or else they will have to do what they have to do. that is the only wsay that they might learn

gd luck!

Answer 2

You're pretty much between a rock and a hard place. The only thing you can do is control your involvement in this whole mess. Sit down with your mom and dad and tell them how you feel. State it just as you did in this question. But be prepared for them to disagree with you, or agree but not change anything. There's nothing more you can do at this point. Be firm about not giving them money or you'll just get drawn into the drama. You could try talking to your brother about it also. Maybe he doesn't realize the extent to which he's hurting your parents.

Answer 3

I think you should try and reason with your brother. He's 11 yrs old, he should be old enough to look at the evidence, listen again to your explanation and deduce what the facts truly are in this case. Now, what I would do if I were in your situation, I would either take the post on your phone to a school counselor or the principal. If not that, I would most assuredly talk to one of the two previously mentioned. I feel your situation is precarious! You must get help quickly. Take care of each other most of all! Godspeed!

Answer 4

You are very correct in that they are adding to the problem rather than helping. It is like that saying (Giving a drunk a drink). Your parents are enabling your brother and in the process they are hurting him more than helping him. Your brother needs to be held accountable for his misbehavior with his finances. There is a book out called Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud. They need to change their definition of 'helping'. They need to sit down with your brother and tell him that they will help him until 'x' amount of time and then he will be on his own and maybe help him make a plan, schedule goals and help him obtain them. If he chooses not to help himself, they must let him 'feel' his consequences.

Answer 5

Sorry - it's none of your business. It's between your parents and your brother. You can't tell your parents how to deal with their child. All you'll do is drive a bigger wedge into your family problems. Let your parents figure this one out on their own.

Answer 6

You need to tell them nicely, without condemning your brother. It sounds like he needs some condemnation, but they are probably not going to be able to accept it from you.
Point how how they are enabling him, and that as long as he can depend on them to provide for him, there is no inscentive for him to provide for himself!
If you are supportive about it, and not angry and shouting, they are going to think about what you've said, even if they are defensive about it at the time. If no one ever discusses the truth out loud, it's a whole lot easier for everyone to pretend it isn't what it is.
There is an elephant in the room, and you're all pretending that no one sees it. Point and say, "there's an elephant! there's an elephant!"
Good luck!!

Answer 7

Just saw a similar situation on Dr. Phil. His advice was to kick him out. He'll play the grandchildren card. Tell him the grandkids can stay and kick him and his wife out to the curb until the find a job. Do not pay for him. Believe me he will use you. If he is adult enough to habve 2 kids and a wife he needs to be man enough to support them. You just need to do it for the sake of your parents. I know it seems harsh but some people only understand tough love.

Answer 8

I am in the same situation with my own family... MY older sister just LEECHES off my mom and dad. It is bad enough that my parents have raised two of her three children.... but now they basicaly pay half of her bills. My parents are not rich, but at thier age should be enjoying life with the money they saved. My dad is the only one working supporting two households. My mom wants to travel more, but cant...I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY NOT (SHE SAID SARCASTICALLY). If she were not paying for my sister it might happen. For a while she had a boyfriend that was living with her. Combined they make almost twice as much as my husband and I do. Yet I pay my own bills. I admit I have had to ask for my parents to assist me when an emergency came up. I borrowed their credit card. But they dont have to pay it... I pay it every two weeks... first thing.... it is automatically taken off my bank account before I even see it.

I hate to tell you this, but basically....there is not alot you can do. I have confronted my sister... that didnt help. I have brought her the paperwork for federally funded programs..... she wont do it (which in a way is good... I guess.... either a leech on the tax payers or my parents). I have offered everything I could... short of monetary help. She is older than me and should be more responsible than I am. She used to work in accounting........ but quit that job when she did not get along with someone in the job ( she had been with the company for 5 years). NOw she works part time as a waitress at Denny's. I tell her to get a better job and offered to help her with her resume.... she said she cant get a normal 9-5 job because she has to be there for the one child she is raising who goes to school from 8-3. I think it is a cop out.. she just does not want to stop smoking weed long enough to take the drug test for a new job. She seems to always have enough money at christmas and birthdays to buy the entire toy store for my nephew. SHe bought him so many presents for christmas this year she had to split it into THREE DAYS to open them all. But the two that she is not raising.... got 20 dollars. (Must make them feel really good).

In the end... unless your brother feels the pinch... he will never do anything about his situation. Your parents feel obligated as parents to make his struggle easier. Parents never want to see their children struggle or in pain. You can talk to them and see if it helps... but honestly I doubt it will. It didnt for me.

If you are interested in venting more... feel free to write me. I really feel your pain.

Answer 9

You are right your parents are taking on misery for themselves.They are a huge part of the problem. Do not yourself give the worthless brother of yours any money. Things will not change unless people stop suppoting them. If the reason is the children go to court and get custody.

Answer 10

It will be up to your parents to take charge in this situation. Your father is the one who needs to have a heart 2 heart talk with your brother. He needs to tell him "Son you need to get a job, your wife needs to get a job, and your wife's mother needs to get a job." then they just need to cut them off. You should be upset especially if your parrents do not support you, ( which they shouldn't if your grown) but if for nothing else your brother will be sucking your inheritance up.