How do I make him understand?

Question

About 2 months ago my husband of 3 years lost his mother in a car accident.At the time I was overseas in the UK working on a business deal.He asked me to fly back but when I tried explaining to him that I had to stay for another 2 weeks to close this huge deal he hung up on me.I've been back for 6 weeks now and things have been very strained between us.I hate this and if I can't make him understand I'll have no choice but to leave him.How do I get through to him?

Answer 1

Wow - now I am starting to realize why you are getting such negative answers to your questions. I think that both of you would be happier if you were not together. You need to be single so that you can pursue what you truly love - which is not your husband - and he can find someone to love and respect him. I will pray for you.

Answer 2

Well, if it were your mom would you have understood? Do you love your husband? He had just lost his mom, I think that being upset that you choose your job over supporting him in a very devastating situation is expected. I just lost my father Christmas eve...and let me tell you..my fiance who owns his own company, who has four children to spend Christmas with was at my side...in another state holding my hand. When you love someone, you are there..no matter what kind of business deal you blow. You made a vow to him, try honoring that vow instead of being so loyal to you job. You seem to be able to say that you will have to leave him fairly easy, It has only been six weeks. If you love him try to make it work, try to reassure him that the next time you will be there when he needs you. But if the fact of the matter is you just don't love him deeply enough to put him before your career, then do him the favor and leave. Let him find someone who will be there. I am sorry if this was not the answer you were looking for, but it is an honest answer.

Answer 3

You made your choice. Business over what really matters: humaness. You are more concerned about him "understanding" you than you understading his position and asking his forgiveness your your selfishness and not being there when he needed you. In business no one is indispensable and the world would have gone on without you. Yet you just had to close that deal, so that was more important than your husband. I am sure he does not feel very good knowing that he is not as important to you as your work. It seems that in your relationship he is the one with the heart, and that he will never understand your choice of staying and closing a deal rather than being there with him. I don't think he would have reacted the same way if it had been the other way around. You both need to communicate and if he cannot forgive you ( you need to ask for forgiveness, if you want to save the marriage) then you should part ways. After all you were not willing to lose a business deal but you were willing to lose your husband. It was the risk you took when you stayed in the UK. I don't think he should stay with a heartless shrew. You go on and strive for success at work and he should find someone who cares about what really matters at the end.

Answer 4

You keep asking this question…I assume in the hope of getting different answers…but every time you ask it, you leave out more and more pieces (I'm sure in an attempt to make yourself look better).

Here’s some of the additional things you said in your other posts:
“I could have let someone else close the deal but I wasn't about to let someone else take credit for my work”
“I’m not sorry and would do it again”
“I'm not apologizing and he won't let it go”.

My answer to you is still the same: You’re a selfish jack*ss who cares more about your job than your husband. When he needed you the most, you refused to be there for him—not because you HAD to but because you simply didn’t care how much pain he was in or how much he needed you.

Get a divorce. You’ll be doing the man a favor, because he deserves better than you.

Answer 5

Stop being selfish read your question. You only say things that would make yourself happy. You got married to be his partner not please yourself that is his job. You weren't there before and you're not trying to be there now. Marriage takes work, not a Business Deal. You need to get through to yourself because you are WRONG! Losing the person that risked her life to give you life is a VERY BIG DEAL. You can't really be this insensative. "No choice but to leave him" you have some nerve to even think about that. He is your husband, your friend, your partner in this world. You took the place of his mother when you said I Do. Now you want to abandon one of the good ones. I hope you can sleep at night.

Answer 6

I'm sorry, but you were wrong here. You weren't there when he needed you. He was blindsided by both his mom's unexpected death, and your not caring enough to be with him. Of course he's upset. He's grieving both his mom's death, and your lack of empathy/support for him. You broke a man's heart who had already suffered a hugh blow. You have a lot of groveling to do. Any company understands about a death in a family. What would you have done if it was your mother? I just can't believe you put your job before your marriage. Shame on you. You need to get yourselves into some kind of therapy to see if this marriage can be saved. He doesn't trust you to put him first. (You didn't) Think of it this way. When you're both 65, who are you going to hold hands with, who's going to take care of you if you get sick, who are you going to vacation with? You're job? F the job honey. You were just being selfish, and looking for your own glory with a job well done. Too bad you marriage isn't as important to you. What do you think your co-workers thought of you for doing this? I know what I would think. Good Luck on the repairing that needs done. I wish you both well.

Answer 7

He is grieving, and that takes time. And, it was a tragic way for the loss to happen. Did you explain to him how you had to stay, no choice? Maybe have your boss write a letter explaining this? Or, could you have come home for a few days-then go back? Grieving has five stages, not always in the same order. There is anger, denial, deal making, and a couple others ( I can't remember what they are right now-sorry). The anger is partially due to the loss, and how it happened, and possibly the rest of the anger is towards you for not having been there when he needed you. Maybe you could both go to counseling to help get thru this. My condolences on his loss. Take care.

Answer 8

Speaking from experience of the loss of my mother which was a sudden death as your mother in law. I do not think you get it. He is grieving and you abandoned him when he needed you the most. You put money before him. What would have had to happen for you to put money aside and leave? Would you have left if it was your mother? See the sign you ended your marriage when you made the choice not to fly back.

Answer 9

if i'm your husband i would probably do the same. it looks like your priority is your work and your family is just second. maybe you should go home, leave your business deal and fix thing up coz i think your husband won't llisten to you if you're just talking over the phone. anyway what's the use of working hard if you do not have the family to spend it's fruits after all. you should think about it really hard and know your priorities. hope you fix things up

Answer 10

Ask yourself why your husband feels that way. You pledged to be with him forever. He needed you and you rejected him. There are other jobs. - will there be another love in your life? You both need counseling. He does not trust you anymore, you violated that trust. If you cannot see that, you are too self-centered. He was grieving and he needed you - you were his rock. He can't trust you to bet there for him.
Screw the job, if you had told your boss you had a death in the fanily and you HAD to return ( bet you did not even ask) - they should have let you go. Someone else could have flown in and taken over. I think sometimes people get so into their jobs, they forget that they are replaceable. We all are.