how much grieving is normal?

Question

i lost my dad when i was 17, july 2005. the first year was really bad, i was crying every night to sleep or coulnt sleep at all, i have a lot of dreams about him or seeing him again and i wake up crying, during the day i go about normal life but still think about him. it stopped for a little while and thought i healed but know i almost feel like when i first found out.
i write in a book for him and i talk about it a little bit, but i just want to stop hurting. is it normal 2 years later to still be crying constantly? anyone lost there parent? how long did it take before you found a comfertable closure?

there has been other deaths since his including my grammas and one of my close friends but loosing my dad just hit my heart and shattered like nothing eles could.

Answer 1

My father passed 26 years ago.

I mourned him visibly for less than about a week because I know he would have been proud of me for continuing my life without making a production out of his demise. Even that mourning was quiet because I have never been a big "cry'er".

I silently mourned, or did so in private and with my closest loved ones, for a solid 6 months and felt the hole he left in me for many years.

After 26 years I miss him and admit to fantasizing about having one more day with him, just talking by the fire or walking in the woods. I might admit to a teary eye even now when I remember him.

What I do is try to is live my life in a way I know I would make him proud and, thusly, do honor to his memory. Now, I mess up, however, I am human.

Mourning is an individual thing. Nobody can tell you how long you should take to end your mourning.

Answer 2

The hardest loss is that of a parent or a child. When you lost your dad you lost a friend, pal, father, and support system. There is no set amount of time for grieving. You do what helps you the best. I lost my sister. What I ended up doing was going to a grief and loss group which helped me a great deal. You can also go to one of these groups, they are free and are usually at the local hospital or hospice center. Your school counselor will know where and when they are. Your grieving will continue until you start talking about the loss and start working on it. It does get better I promise. I am so sorry about your loss, your father must have been a great man. The writing you are doing is great and is part of doing therapy for yourself.

Each new loss just brings up your father which reopens the wound. So you have dealt with a lot of loss and you need to give yourself a break.

Answer 3

I lost my dad when I was 16 and it was tough. I cried a lot the first couple of days and then I just turned bitter...for what turned out to be years. I could just turn "hateful" off and on like a light switch at the drop of a hat and never realized it was because of my dad's death. I ended up going to some counseling, for another reason, and this was brought to life. It was basically feelings of resentment and abandonment that he "left me", feelings of blame like I somehow could have done something differently and he wouldn't have died...
I could tell the whole story if you'd like to email me and it will make more sense to you. I don't want to air all my personal business on here, but if it will help you I'd be glad to explain it all.
Basically, you've not dealt with your loss and that he is gone. You have to realize that he would not want you so unhappy and that he can still look down and see you and watch over you. He is in a far better place than we are and you should be happy that he will never have to suffer any kind of hurt EVER again, physical or emotional.
Anyway, if you'd like to talk about it you can email me.

Answer 4

HUGS

The lost of a loved one is never an easy thing to deal with, especially when you were close to this person. Some people can deal with the pain and loss relatively quickly (weeks / months) through various methods such as focussing on work or immersing themselves into other aspects of their lives. Others can grieve for years and even for a lifetime.

With time the pain does become easier to deal with, but the emptiness left behind by their passing can never be filled. Personally i try to remember the best and forget the rest, but that doesn't mean that every once in a while someone won't say or do something that will bring tears to my eyes because it reminds me of that person and of how much they meant to me.

So don't worry, you are perfectly normal.

HUGS

Answer 5

well i am sorry that you lost your father, but that is life, people do died, it is different for everyone who loses there father, or mother, or anyone close to them. For me i have not gotten over losing my father, i will always miss him and the others that i have lost. They says the worse loses one can have is either a child or a simling. But if you have not had that will then losing your father would be painful. I really didnot get to greive my father like i should of, i had to be the strong one cause every one in the family went crazy about him died, even though hours before he died i had seen him, the staff did not want me to see him, but i got in there anyway, and he wanted to try to talk to me, before he passed on. He had me promise him that i would finish high school. I keapt that promise then went to college too, so i know he is happy up there looking down. Me and my youngest sister was really young when he died at the age of 39, he was buirded on his 40th birthday, that was a hard thing. I did not go back to school for a while cause i needed to hold the family together, so when i went back to school, they had thought that i had dropped out, and i said heck no, my father died and i need ed to be home, with the family. Grieveing is different for each person, and you do not forget the ones you love that died, you keep their memory in you heart, and all the good things, so you are keeping them alive. I know about dreaming , i dream then, and I am still dreaming of him off and on. Sometimes it gets really hard, but you need to go and get some greiving therapy if you can not find a closure to his death.

Answer 6

When it comes to grieving, there is no such thing as a normal amount of time. The amount of time that we greive all depends on the feelings we had for the person who passed away. I have a friend that still cries for her deceased father, she loved him very much and I would never ask her to stop, all that i can do is be there for her.

But 2 years is a long time, I would suggest biting the best thing for you to do is to seek professional advice and guidance (go see a counsellor), only you can make that first step.

Answer 7

What you're feeling is completely natural and normal. I would grieve just as you are for a long long time. I'm so sorry for your losses, in particular your father. Grandparents are older and we're somehow more prepared to deal with that. Friends are friends and their absence from our lives can come in many ways. But a father is irreplacable, and thats why you feel like this. Don't worry, you'll make peace with it someday and you'll stop agonizing. Good luck.

Answer 8

It's been eleven years since I lost my darling daddy, and I can still cry at the drop of a hat...you just love your daddy dearly, and an unexpected death like that is very hard to accept, let alone deal with..so you just cry, keep remembering him, it took me almost a year, just to convince myself that I could even laugh again. as I felt guilty when I did...I know that my father wouldn't want me to go on through life like this though...he would have wanted me to laugh, and to be happy, even though he was gone...It took me about four years to even be able to really look back and laugh at old memories..so you don't put any time limit on your grief..you loved him, you love him, and it is perfectly normal for you to still feel so saddned by losing your darling too...call him darling, and ask God to help mend your broken heart...ask Jesus to help you get through each day, that is what I did, and continue to do...start thinking of good things, because as you go through life, each monumental thing that occurs, is going to remind you of daddy...I know how much he would have adored his new great grandaughter, and it breaks my heart he never got to meet her..But I can only find solice, in knowing that he is sleeping, and that God Has him now...so go on sweet heart, and cry all you want...and one day, you will find that you can deal with it,...God Bless

Answer 9

I lost my dad unexpectantly 6 months ago, so I understand the pain you have been through. I hope to have more peace as time goes on, but I understand that grief is a process that is different for everyone.

The main thing I keep trying to tell myself is this: my dad worked so hard to make my family a happy, loving one. When he was alive, it broke his heart whenever I cried...I don't think he would ever want me to stop enjoying life because of him. As a parent now myself, I would never want my little girl to cry over me the way I have cried for my father. I would want her to think of me and smile...and I think that's what my father would want too.

Take care, sweetie...you'll get through it in your own time.

Answer 10

Everyone has a different grieving pattern. For some it takes only a few days and for others it takes years. It is generally accepted though, that one should seek some GRIEF COUNSELLING when grief lasts for a long time. More than a year.