a few yers ago my boyfriend came home after a night out and was talking on his mobile. when i came downstairs he hung the phone up and switched it off. He said he had done it becuase he was drunk and i was obviously suspicous. i thought it might have been his ex - he swears till he is blue in the face that it was becuase he was drunk and it was just his friend - I just dont believe him though to this day as it happened a few years ago its still bothering me - and it drives him mad to talk about it becuase it so long ago- why didnt he just be honest and why did i stay with him when i thought he was lying ???????
2007-01-24 21:49:27 · 24 answers · asked by Pebbles 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hindsight hun!!! we all have situations where we should have reacted differently.
As it is so long ago now though theres no point in dwelling on the past - you're never going to know who was on the phone - so why torture yourself thinking about it - my advice to you is to either end things with your boyfriend now - on an instinct - but I think thts kinda pointless with the time thats lapsed in between - so really I think you should just forget about it and start concentrating on enjoying your relationship and try and move on from it.
Good luck
xx
2007-01-24 21:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it go. You say it was a few years ago, so it's time to let it go. Even if it was his ex, what does it matter now? Whatever went on between them, you are with him now and that's what matters. You're worrying away at this like picking at a hangnail, you know you shouldn't and it kind of hurts, but you just can't stop and if you don't stop you're going to rip a big bloody gash in it.
Trust is an important aspect of any relationship and you're letting this create a problem between you. Make your mind up to never discuss it again and get on with the relationship you actually have rather than giving into your fears of what might have been.
* * * *
For some reason, this has been on my mind. I was wondering, what would you gain, now, if he finally admitted that it was his ex on the phone all those years ago? You'd be vindicated, but you'd also find out he'd been lying to you all those years. Whatever he says now, he can't say the right thing about it. He says it wasn't her and you don't believe him, he says it was her after all and you'll call him a liar. Either way - you lose.
So, please let it go or let him go...
2007-01-24 21:58:41 · answer #2 · answered by Skidoo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop going on and on and ON about it. You've asked him about 50 times and his answer is going to be the same. It is not going to change so why are you torturing your self about it?
This is the only 'thing' that you have held on to for years and you've go it like a dog has a bone.... you just won't let go!! It doesn't matter anymore. It's years ago. Either accept his answer or finish with him, don't ignore his answer and keep pounding and pounding away. He must be getting totally sick of it, I know I would. And if you think about it, you would be sick of it too. If you don't accept his answer, continaully bring up this 'incident' and don't finish with him... guaranteed, he will finish the relationship with you, is that what you really want? - I didn't think so.
In future, if you really want to get information from a boyfriend, approach it from a different angle.. tell him that you don't mind him (for example) staying out at his mates all night but you worry and need to know where he is. Tell him that it's ok if girls slept over as long as nothing happens and confirm that you trust him. Then as soon as he spills the beans you blow your top!!
BUT, you can't do it with this incident because it has gone on too long and you have made a meal out of it. AND importantly he KNOWS you don't trust him. So... build up trust between you and you will find he will start volunteering information - good and bad!
2007-01-24 22:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this was years ago, it's definitely time to move on.
Maybe he lied...maybe he didn't...I'm sure now though if you've been together happily for a few years, that if he says it wasn't her, that it wasn't.
Unless he's given you a reason to believe that he is a liar (which it doesn't seem he has, otherwise this minor incident wouldn't be bothering you so much)...then he's probably not.
Drop the issue, because if you press him on something that is so irrelevant now, it may just drive him nuts enough to find someone new...if you still think about it all the time, then maybe you need to move on and find someone else who you can trust.
2007-01-24 21:57:16 · answer #4 · answered by veggie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was so long ago, and it hasn't happened again, then you should just drop it. Yes, it was suspicious, but he still might have been telling the truth.
And having you drill him about it after so much time has passed probably is driving him crazy.
Unless he continues to give you reason not to trust him, then let the distant past stay in the past and concentrate on the good things you have in your relationship with him, if there are any. If you keep bugging him about ancient history, you're going to lose him.
2007-01-24 21:58:04 · answer #5 · answered by PHuKuPS 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How long ago are we talking here/ Has he given you reason to doubt? If he wanted to be with his Ex he wouldnt be with you now would he?
If he was on the phone to her, he probably didnt want to hurt you, and clearly he doesnt want the Ex as he is still with you. Just focus on what you have and not that one night otherwise you will end up destroying you and your relationship over somthing that was quite petty.
2007-01-24 22:53:36 · answer #6 · answered by djp6314 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been thru this..try n forget about it..at the end of the day, hes still with you. Don't keep on about it or his trust in you will go as he will think you still don't trust him. But if there's no trust in the relationship..then its good as over. U stayed with him because its love! A small part of you trusted and believe him..let that trust grow. Hell be able to talk about it one day, but if I've learnt anything, its let them talk about it when they're ready. It could even be something hes ashamed of or embarrassed about. That's why I think its best to wait until hes ready...if not..then think about your relationship more deeply...do u wanna be in a relationship where the trust is gone?
2007-01-24 22:39:45 · answer #7 · answered by sweet_blue_angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Stop obsessing about this - if it was his ex your reactions after all this time say he was right .
2) You stayed because you had become emotionally dependent on him
3) if you are still with him then something must be working so get a grip
4) It possibly was his ex but after all this time he is not going to chnage what he said otherwise you will obsess about that.
Give it a rest woman; I hope you are notl ike a dog with a bone about everything otherwise both yours and his lives must be right miserable.
2007-01-24 22:00:07 · answer #8 · answered by D B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well hummmm let me see i can understand if someone u care about lies to u, but in this case it's not about u for starters and it's ur bro men, maybe he just wanted some privacy why are u so bothered does he always lie to u.i feel u should just let it go and try to give him some space we all have a little secrets
2007-01-24 22:32:37 · answer #9 · answered by shiva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been thinking about this subject recently from the other point of view. Put yourself in his shoes. So what is you played in any way? It doesn't hurt him, does it? Unless he knows. I strongly reccomend you let go of it, don't ask questions you don't wan't to know the answer to. Good luck.
2007-01-24 22:00:43 · answer #10 · answered by Animal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋