Husbands friend is a bad influence, but he won't leave him behind.?

Question

My husband and I are expecting a baby in July. One of his friends that he has known for at least 8 years is (in my opinion) a horrible person. He drinks every day, drives drunk all the time, he gets stoned all the time. He's 40 something and we're in our 20's. He just got fired from his delivery driver job because he wasn't responsible enough to show up. He actually celebrated his one year after getting a DUI by getting drunk and then driving home. He is a burden to society and i do not want a person like that around my new child, regardless of whether he drinks or gets stoned in front of the kid. Its the character of a person that thinks those actions are ok that i don't want around my kid. My husband just won't let go of the friendship. He is a nice person, he's never been mean to me, always polite, but a hippie stoner drunk none the less. What should i do?

My husband used to live the lifestyle of this friend. He no longer does drugs, he no longer drinks, he no longer participates in any aspect of the life the friend leads. And did i mention the friend is only 2 years younger than my own father? And that the friend, who is in his forties, still lives with daddy and lives off of daddy's money because daddy used to be a doctor and is loaded?

Answer 1

This person is not only a bad influence on your future kids but you husband. Just because your husband stopped doing those things doesn't mean he won't start again. Those things will always be in him. I think that you should encourage your husband to remove this bad influence from his and your life. If your husband has truly chosen a different life style than this old friend needs to be considered part of that old life style and removed also. It hurts and is not always pretty, but if he truly wants to be a different person that cannot associate with this person that continues to do it. This friendship also shows consent for the actions.

Take it from my professional experience in my job, it only takes one time to ruin your life. He could wind up hurting himself or others.

Answer 2

Between now and the time you have your new child
your husband has to become more understanding of
your needs, and your child. The lifestyle of his friend is not conducive to your family surroundings. An eight year friendship would be hard to end I think. Perhaps they have been friends longer than the both of you have been together. Your husband does not seem to think there is something wrong with him hanging out with the guy. Hanging out is not a thing to do when your about to be a Daddy. You may wish to find out how he feels about being a father. Ask him if he wants his child around that kind of environment. Your husband might like to get high too and not ready to settle down. At least you are thinking of what is best for your child to come.
Give your husband some food for thought between now and July. They could end up being roomates.

Answer 3

a bad influence is still good to learn from, really. Your husband likes the guy as a person he is not allowed to be. He has decide to be responsible and have a family and is living the wild life thru his friend. Pressure valve so to speak.
I have friends like that - I do not "hang" as much as I once did but the friends are good people. Just different values. However if the drinking is out of hand, I agree with above - when drunk stay away from the kid.
Squeeze the husband too tight and he may start wishing for another type of life.

Answer 4

You must be clear in your own mind that this person is a threat to your family and your relationship with your husband. It only takes one incident to ruin a life. This person has proved he is capable of causing that incident whether he thinks so or not. Your husband is under attack whether he can see it or not. You can't go directly against this guy or you will create a resistance that will push back, but you must make him feel so uncomfortable that he will stay away. Your family must stay so busy doing things that this person isn't interested in that he won't fit in. Hopefully, he will find someone else to "prey on" while your husband is busy. Do not let him get a foothold. He may see something in your husband that he feels he can manipulate or control. The longer their relationship goes on the more difficult it will be to eliminate. I'll pray for you and Good Luck!

Answer 5

Next time that you know he is drunk and about to get behind the wheel of his car, call the police. Seriously. He's going to end up hurting or killing somebody. The sad thing is that drunk drivers cause these serious accidents, and all to often walk away unharmed, while the innocent victims pay the consequences. Hopefully he'll get arrested and eventually jailed for his actions. You could also be a narc, turn in him for his drug use. You can do this anonymously. Have you talked to your husband about this? Your husband is holding on to his friend as a way to hold onto the care-free days of his life. You are not being unreasonable, your baby has to come first. Try giving your husband an ultimatum. Or simply tell his friend that unless he stops these behaviors, he's not welcome at your house. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. i totally do. I am a wife myself. and i feel that your point of view is right. how ever nice he could be his behaviour can spoil your children. By the way congrats for your baby. so let me tell you wht i feel you should do. dont try to say it to your husband just like that. take time. and create a story where u have the same situation but wih some difference like the child is born and is 5yr to 6 yrs old andthe drinking person is around 30s. omit the getting fired part and all that. you got it? and also that the child is now curious about the drinking and the mother is trying to stop the child but he is curious real badly and stuff.Then after the child grew up he started drinking without the parents knowledge and when caught and asked he said this reason that he wanted to try it as it looked really nice and enjoyable when dad's frend was drinking and all that. now narrate the whole thing to your husband. dont give in a chace for him to understand that this is made up or this is your situation. after saying the whole story, try comenting on it as "Poor child, what was his fault" or something like that. then dont say anything give your husband to think about it. many be the next day ooor the day after tell him that you thought abot that story and felt that the story has the main theme that is similar to your situation. and you fear if it will happen to your kid. also ask your husband if it will happen to your kid. make hi tell if it will effect or not. once you suceed there. tell him slowly both of you have to make him stop coming to the house like when he tells he wants to come to your house tell you were going out or they meet him out side your house.

I dont know if you liked the idea. anyways all the best!!!

Answer 7

There's a big difference between drug use and drug abuse. When I say drugs I include alchol. (In my opinion) this fact is blatantly obvious.

If your husband knows you do not like this person and he didn't leave him behind for you than I dont think having a child will change things.

Obviousy you need to consider yours and the babies safty. However, so long as you'r not getting in cars with him after he's been drinking and you do not, at any time, give him the responsability of looking after the child, with time your child will see and decide for its self who to like, who not to like and the difference between what's right and what's wrong.

You and your husband need to decide how much of the hippie, stoner drunk side of your lives your child needs to see.

Answer 8

I have dumb a$$ friends! I have 2 kids & a wife that tells me my friends are dumba$$es! BUT the decision as to whether or not he can remain friends with this person is not yours to make!

As long as he is not putting the kids life in danger, he is just a minor irritation! Just let your husband know that you are uncomfortable with the situations that his friend puts the family in. Having 6 yrs of sobriety, I know that it sometimes takes the words of another, regardless of the persons relationship, to make you want to stop drinking!

Good luck but remember that this will be a chance for your husband to rebel if you attempt to force the issue. Let him know your feelings, set your guidelines as to what contact there may be with any children & grit your teeth when he comes around!

Answer 9

You're in a tough position. You can't really tell a grown man who he can hang out with. But I do think you have a right to draw boundaries! I think you need to tell your husband that while you can't tell who he can have as friends, you do not want the hippy stoner around your child until he cleans up his act for good.

Answer 10

This is a difficult question to answer, you have more than one issue here. Youre asking your husband to choose between you and his friend...no matter what you think, its not fair. Have you ever confronted his friend about his actions? have you realy sat down and talked to your husband about this. If your husband is truly friends with this guy he should talk to him and intevene in some way. the macho guy crap needs to go out the window here and your husband needs to man up and tell his friend that he is important part of your husbands life and his actions are going to get him (friend) killed. You are not i na position to judge this guy becasue you have no idea whats going o nin his head to make him act in such a way, but you are in a position to help him. You can maek a difference too...if you dont like it and and are good enough to judge this guy then you are good enough to try to help him