Is it asking to much when you ask your wedding party to pay for their own outfits??

Question

I've got four groomsmen/one bestman and my wife to be has four bridesmaids/one maidofhonor...we also have four ushers, two ringbearers, a flowergirl and a jr. bridesmaid...we both come from big families and are tryin to have everyone be apart of our day but are finding out that wedding cost alot more than expected...when finding out the cost of my groomsmen's tuxes when of their wive's flipped out going on about how they were just as broke as us but in their wedding no one paid for anything (mind you they had one person each..not five)...am i asking too much of them???

p.s. i only plan on getting married once...i dont want a "grand" wedding but i want it nice

p.s.s. traditionally speaking the groom's parents are supposed to pay for the groomsmen's tuxes...mind you also that the wife in question doesnt have a job b/c she is lazy while the husband works two in order to support her and their child

Answer 1

No way are you asking too much of them.

Counting my own wedding, all the weddings I've ever stood in, been to, or heard about, I've never heard of anyone being expected to pay for the attendant's attire other than the attendants - including either side's parents. It is considered an honor for them to stand for you, and is expected that they pay for the outfit you have picked out for them. Normally if they can't afford it, arrangements are made, or they decline the offer.

If the attire you've chosen is overpriced, consider a different low cost style, or possibly renting both the tuxes and the bridesmaid dresses. (again, their responsibility) If you decide to stay with an overpriced outift, may chip in to pay a portion, or even half, if your budget allows.

Also, many tux shops offer the grooms tux free if the rest of the party gets their's at their shop as well. Some even throw in the ring bearer's tux as well. Others also offer discounts for the wedding party. If your shop doesn't offer any of these things, shop around and try to find the one's that do. This could solve 1/2 of your problem.

Another idea for the bridesmaid dresses, if you can part with what you've already picked out, is to give them the color scheme and have them look for their own. Given the task, they could probably come up with a beautiful dress each, even if they don't match the styles. I've seen this done, and it works beautifully.

I could see you running into problems by having more than one person from each family standing for you. If this is the case, maybe you could have someone do readings, light a memorial candle, or do a special toast to keep them included in the wedding, but not having to fork out as much $ on the attire for standing.

I don't think the number of attendants is abnormal by any means, but the large number of ushers and 2 ring bearers is a new one for me. (The most I've ever heard of were 2 ushers and one ring bearer.) Also, most people I know choose between a flowergirl and a jr bridesmaid, not having both unless it was an extravagant event. Perhaps eliminating a few people here would ease the finance situation?

Offhand, my bridesmaid's gowns were over $200 and the groomsmen's tuxes were a little over $150. Both designs were top-of-the-line designers. Not that I wanted the 'best of the best', but instead they were different and unusual and just so happened to be top of the line. Since we wanted to be unique, we decided we HAD to have those outfits, but it wasn't fair of us to ask our party to fork out so much money. I met with my bridesmaids to figure out a fair amount, my fiance did the same with his men, and we paid the rest. Since each of our parents paid for their traditional things, we could financially contribute to paying partial on the party's attire.

Congrats on the wedding and best of luck finding a financial solution!

Answer 2

Interesting. I always like reading these questions because of the cultural differences, too! Short answer: No, I did not pay for my bridesmaids' dresses. To that end, I've also never been in a wedding where my dress was paid for for me. Like you said, it's just kind of an expectation that the bridesmaids/groomsmen pay for their own attire, because it IS an honor to be asked to stand up for someone on their wedding day. :) It's funny - it never really occurred to me that it would be any other way until I started answering questions on Y!A. I don't think there's a right or wrong. If I bride CAN afford to buy her attendants' dresses (and WANTS TO!) that's her choice. I do have a problem when people have the expectation that their dresses will be paid for automatically, though. (Does that make sense?) I've been in weddings where I was expected to get my hair done with the bridal party (and it was paid for) and weddings where I paid for my own hair. I've never been in a wedding where we had makeup done. Generally, any jewelry/accessories are bought bought by the bride and given to the bridesmaids as part of the gifts customarily given for being an attendant in the wedding. I'm in the US, if that helps any!

Answer 3

The wedding party is traditionally supposed to pay for the tuxes/dresses. The wife who flipped out is just going to have to get over it. Now, if you want, you and you fiance' can pick up some (or most, like half or 3/4) of the cost as a favor or thank you gift to those in the party. You could even take the groomsman with the crazy wife to the side (confidentially) and tell him you could pick up most or all of the cost since he's broke with a lazy wife, but let him know not to tell anyone else because if others in the party found out they could get angry/defensive about some having to pay and others not.
Good luck! :-D

Answer 4

The groomsmen, bridesmaids, maid of honor and the parents of the jr.bridesmaid are supposed to pay for their outfits. Keep in mind the financial situations when choosing tuxes/dresses. Try to find something that is beautiful for the occassion but yet affordable.

Answer 5

I agree with Bab's I've had the same experience.Everyone has paid for their own in the wedding party,It seems to be a more modern way of doing things.
Many years ago,I offended my best friend by pulling out of being bridesmaid.She wanted the best of everything,shoes,hat,dress,flowers etc.I just couldn't afford it as I was planning my own wedding and doing everything I could on the cheap. I lost a friend over that.
I think if you make it affordable for everyone there is no problem,it's only when people expect other people to spend a fortune on something that is essentially your day ,that problems and resentments can arrise.

Answer 6

I've been in several weddings as has my husband and kids and whether it was as a bridesmaid, groomsman, flower girl or ring barer, we paid for the clothes we wore in every wedding without exception. While I think it was nice of them to pay for their attendants' attire, I wouldn't say it's the norm nor would I think it was fair of her to expect everyone else to do the same. If it really is a financial burden for them, it would be perfectly okay for him to bow out and let someone else take his place.

Answer 7

The wedding party generally pays for their clothes, shoes and accessories, as well as any hair and makeup costs. You should make choices that respect their budgets, but in the end, if they can't pay, they don't have to be in the wedding.
Brides frequently give their bridesmaids jewelry or accessories to wear with the dress as a gift, but it isn't required.

Answer 8

I think different countries have different standers some people on here say it is in bad taste to ask them to pay but in the us unless it is an extremely expensive wedding and you have to buy the most expensive dress the attendants pay for the clothes them self

Answer 9

Well I have NEVER been in a wedding where my outfit was paid for. It's normal for them to have to pay for themselves. If you know you can't afford it then your wife has to tone down her decisions for the party attire. I'm sure you can find similar looks for cheaper, especially when itcomes to tuxes - the brand names are what drive the prices up.

Answer 10

Yes, it is asking to much of your friends/family to take on the cost of any part of your wedding. It was your choice to have so many in your wedding party. I understand the desire to have "everyone" involved...but there is such a thing as a budget, and people in your family will surprisingly be understanding of that.

two ringbearers? the point of that is what? do you have any idea how disasterous having children in a wedding party can be? It isn't going to be a fond memory for life for them, I'll bet you any money at least two of them are going to freak out and cry going down the isle when they see a bunch of strangers staring at them. Let tradition stand where the best man holds the rings and freaks everyone out for a second when he acts like he lost them at the alter.

If you want to spend $$ wisely when it comes to children at a wedding, hire a teenager to watch the children in a room outside the chapel while the ceremony is going on so that all the adults can enjoy the actual wedding.

four ushers? Is the church that big it needs to be divided into four seating zones? Have you ever been to a wedding and seen everyone get sat by ushers? Be realisitic...even one usher works...they stand by the door and point bride side grooms side...

drop a bridesmaid/groomsman or two & pay for the remaining one's outfits...no one is going to be that offended...they are still going to be AT the wedding and will be happy not to have to sit around in an uncomfortable dress or ill fitting rented tuxedo all night.

This is YOUR day...not your extended family's day...make it to your budget and please yourselves...don't second guess what everyone else wants...obviously by the uproar you are already wrong about how they feel...

get realistic about your wedding