How do I feel like I am date-able?

Question

How do I have a good view of myself after living in an abusive home for 25 years? My mother was very abusive and because of her abuse and controlling ways, I never got to experience a normal childhood/adolesence.

I know I'm a great worker and an asset to any employer. I have a great hobby where I feel great, too.

I want to be in a relationship but I don't feel like any guy would settle for me. Why would they settle for me if they could have someone prettier, skinnier, with nicer skin, with a nicer body?

The only time I feel REALLY confident is when I'm training my horses and riding students. I KNOW I'm good at that and it makes me feel good to do it-- compared to others? I don't always feel so confident.

How do I get to a place where I can feel confident about my appearance to have a relationship?

I'm a nice person, I'm a great friend, but I don't feel like I'm pretty enough to be asked out, or taken out.

I have been turned down by too many guys to feel like it'll ever 'happen' for me. The last person I cared for left me for a MUCH younger woman.

I have a medcial condition which leaves me about 10 lbs overweight and with minor adult-acne.

Also I have worked with a few different therapist for many years and there has been no major change.

I have tried looking in the mirror and saying "I'm beautiful" But I'm NOT and I KNOW in my heart its a lie.

Answer 1

Hearing about your past, you're probably much more attractive than you think. You have deep self-esteem issues, I don't believe it's your appearance that's the problem. Take some time to get to know yourself, outside of the abusive environment. Don't rush into relationships before you work out for yourself just how much you're worth. And don't scoff at that last sentence. I'll bet you're worth a lot. Most ppl will tell you to try therapy. That's useful, but also expensive. You have a connection with horses. Sometimes its easier to talk honestly to an animal. It doesn't judge you. You're really talking to yourself, but their soothing presence helps to get things out. I'd say it's almost as good as a shrink. So talk to yourself, get to know yourself, and try not to limit yourself with "I can't," or "I'll die if..." Then, once you stop feeling that a guy would be "settling" by being with you, you are ready to find yourself a good man. Too soon, and he'll just be a jerk who'll use your low self esteem for his own twisted aims.

Answer 2

First, you need to play off of the things that you already believe are positive about yourself. Acknowledge these things and for a while try to focus on that instead of what you feel you are lacking. Keep telling yourself the positive things. After you start to feel good about these things and get a little more effective at clearing the other things from your mind, start to work on those. Wake up every morning, look in the mirror and point out to yourself your best features that you actually do like about yourself. Sometimes you have to buy clothes that you like how they fit, get a new haircut that makes you feel good, and just make small extra alteration that will give you that little boost in confidence that will better convince you to walk with your head held a little higher. Start looking in the mirror at these things and telling yourself you like how it looks and you like how you look with it. Its all in the attitude, if you don't believe it and sell it, no one else will believe it and buy it. And as far as why would someone settle for you? They wouldn't be settling and they would be with you because you are you. You were strong enough to overcome your situation in your mother's house and you are still standing. You owe it to yourself to go all the way. Good luck!

Answer 3

hey. all girls are pretty and i grew up with that word. When i walk around the streets i see hot boys wif a gurl dats not really 'good' enough for him. A guy hu would go for only girl appearance r idiots. A guy hu looks into ur heart and ur appeareance r da one u r looking for! When i was young i was not da pretty one but becoz i was confident and i kept saying this 2 my self: i am beautiful! and now i look pretty and that's how i became confident.

if i could see u face to face i know ur pretty

bye bye

Answer 4

If you dont feel pretty, fix the things that u feel ugly about... loose weight (exercise, eat less and better), and youll get more confident or else date a guy who's not super good looking and/or slightly heavy and you can both make each other feel good about yourselfs

Answer 5

if a guy only goes for you for looks... he is shallow.. no matter what you look like there is 1000 guys that would love to be with you..

Answer 6

tricky
you could get proffessional help from doctor etc